Ice Breaks Easily

Say that I have a heart of ice,
At least I have one.
Say that I’ve ruined my life,
At least I had one.

A heart of ice breaks more easily,
The warm hearts stay clear but not cold.
The ruined of lives cannot be retrieved,
As like, is like a scar.

Frosted and bitten by wind by a storm,
Compared to the foreground that’s loved.
The words that you speak are scorn.
But this scar of life will be evermore.

Even when it wishes it won’t.

Very emo-ish! XD

But (and here's the important thing!) you pulled it off! You have an ear for poetry and what sounds good with each other, which means that you are fairly awesome.

Unfortunately, because you have such an ear for poetry, you put several words together in the second stanza that really don't make sense together. I mean, it sounds good, which is a very good thing, but it just doesn't make sense, even if you squint. So just think what you're going to say, make it pretty like you automatically do anyway, and it'll be fine.

Welcome to YWS!

I agree with Snoink. ^_^

For example:

As like, is like a scar.

I have no idea what that is saying...? And the last stanza is incredebly jumbled. I'd say either before, or directly after beauty, comes clarity. Perhaps even before, because no matter how beautiful something is, if you cannot understand it, you cannot make sense of it.


I think this would be a lot better once I could make more sense of it fully through. And just a suggestion, try making your imagery stronger. Ice, and snow for that matter, are very power. Cold, numbing, stabbing, bitting. Just imagine what it feels like to walk outside in a snow storm. Cold is a very strange thing. It's frozen, but it burns your skin.

Best of luck, and welcome to YWS!