Please Critique:
UNTITLED
By: Onceuponatim3xo
CHAPTER 1
It had all begun that summer. Looking back now, I realize how young and naive I was, but how was I supposed to know what was to become of me. So much has changed since that summer.
I ran through the lush green fields, feeling the wind through my hair, pushing me back. The day was sunny and bright. I had not a care in the world as I ran through the fields. This was my escape, my peaceful getaway. The beautiful landscape and the tiring excercize lulled me to sleep.
When I awoke, I was in my own bed. Confused, I started to get up, but my mother stopped me. “Rest, Kirsten.”
“Why?” I asked.
“You need your rest. You fell asleep in the fields and it rained on you. Now you have a fever from the exposure of it.” My mother replied.
“I’m fine.” I protested. But, when I got up, my stomach did not feel too well. “Nevermind.”
“Just sleep a little more and stay in today.” My mother said.
“But -”
“Kirsten, no exceptions, I don’t want you to fall asleep outside again.” My mother said as she got up and left.
I groaned, but did as she asked. I soon fell asleep once more and did not wake for quite some time. When I did wake, I went downstairs to the kitchen for something to eat. In the kitchen, though, was my mother, father, sister, and my sister’s future husband. “Hello.” My mother said.
“Good morning.” I said in return.
“Good morning, more like good evening! Go and have a look outside.” My sister noted.
I looked out the nearby window and saw the dark sky. “Oh.”
“Yes, well, we were just going over the plans for Christiana’s wedding.” My mother said. That was all that it was about lately, all that I ever heard was ‘tell your sister congratulations, I heard she is getting married.’ ‘I think it is wonderful that your sister is getting married to such a fine young gentleman.’ ‘Christiana is such a beautiful young woman, it’s no surprise that she is marrying.’ Marriage, marriage, marriage.
“Okay, I’ll be in my room then.” I said, I went to leave the kitchen but my father stopped me.
“Don’t go past the fence next time you go out, Kirsten. We’re limiting your space so that you don’t get sick again.” He said.
“But -”
“No. You are staying here.” My father said. I groaned and went back to my room.
But, the next day, I disobeyed my father and went past the estate’s old wooden fence. I ran through the fields like never before, I ran faster and longer. But then I reached the bordering forest and stopped abruptly. I had never gone through the forest before, but I felt daring after defying my father, and so I entered the forest.
The forest was beautiful. The sun shone through the leaves of the branches and my feet crunched on the dead leaves and soft dirt as I walked. I suddenly heard a twig snap, not of my own doing. I became cautious, then, for fear of being followed by a wild animal. As I looked around, I noticed the silhouette of a human. “Hello?” I called out.
“Hello.” Someone replied, their voice rich and humorous.
“Who are you?” I asked.
The person came out of the shadows and showed themselves. It was boy, about my age. He had handsome and striking features. “Who are you?” He asked.
“You tell me first.” I said.
“I am Tanner Hadley, and you are?” He said.
“I am Kirsten Bailey.” I replied.
“Nice to meet you.” Tanner said, he held out his hand.
“And you.” I took his hand and shook it.
“So, what brings you to the forest, Miss Bailey?” Tanner asked.
“Well, Mister Hadley, to tell you the truth, I was doing a bit of exploring.” I answered.
“Ahhh, well, may I explore with you?” He asked.
The boy was curious, but I decided to go along with his charades. “Sure, although, I’m afraid I don’t have much to explore.”
“Then allow me to help you.” Tanner said. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you the sights to see.” He left the cleared trail and walked steadily down a steep hill. I was afraid to do so, and so I followed him hesitantly. We walked in awkward silence for a while, then stopped in front of an extremely tall tree with many branches. “This, is the best tree for climbing. You can see the whole world atop it, and it’s the easiest to climb.” With that, he grabbed ahold of a branch and pulled himself up. Higher and higher he went, then he stopped to look down at me. “I won’t show you the sights if you won’t appreciate them.” Then he suddenly dropped from a height of about fifty feet and landed safely on the ground.
My jaw dropped. “How did you do that without breaking something?!”
“I’ve got tough bones, as my grandmother would always say.” He replied. “Now are you coming or not?”
I stared at him, still in shock. “I guess so.” I managed to say.
“Good, let’s go.” He said, and we climbed together. Thankfully I didn’t have a fear of heights, so when we reached the top I wasn’t completely traumatized. “See, I told you, you can see the whole world up here.”
I looked around and found that it was true, in an exaggerated sense. I could see the fields and the houses far off - including mine. It was beautiful up there in the tree, everything seemed so small and different.
Suddenly, I started to slip. I lost my balance, and unable to regain it, I fell! I screamed loud and hard and knew death was in my near future. I could see the ground coming closer and closer. Fear curdled in my stomach and I came in contact. There was a sickening crack, and pain came to ankle in an instant. But, it wasn’t the ground that I had hit - I was safely in Tanner’s arms. My leg had smacked against the tree trunk, though. But, the only logical way for Tanner to have been on the ground level so fast was if he had jumped the one hundred feet or so himself, which confused me.
He carefully lay me down and took my leg in his hands, then he somehow caused the pain to ease. A second later, everything blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you liked it!
