Endless Possibilities -- Prologue

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Dan waddled through the house, calling out to the cat in a voice that did not yet have a full grasp of language.”Wady?” he called. “Wady?” His short legs carried him about the house, and as he jumped down the stairs, he continued to call her name.

No-one seemed to be around, although he knew that his mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner. It was likely that his father would be helping her. It was their Sunday tradition to make the meal together, and they made it into a game.

He waddled about the house, humming one of the songs from the radio as he did. It was always playing when his father turned the machine on, and the tune had stuck in Dan’s head. “Wady?” He drew the word out, and kept searching the downstairs rooms.

After he was certain that she wasn’t there, he went back up the stairs, having to make an effort to climb up them now. When he reached the top, he began to race around the upstairs rooms again. His calls never wavered.
After another ten minutes, Dan gave up. He walked back to his room with his head down, and lay down on his bed. The view was amazing from his window, where he could see the entire street, but he couldn’t appreciate it.

Putting his head back on the pillow, and looking up at the glow in the dark stars on the roof, he sighed, and closed his eyes. At the moment he did, a faint meowing sound shook him from his relaxation. He sat up and looked around the bedroom, straining his ears as he listened for the sound once again.

It came soon after, but it was still faint. Dan was sure that it wasn’t coming from his room, and he jumped off his bed.

The noise became consistent, a pitiful mewling noise that came every few seconds. Dave followed the source of it until he came to the sliding door that led to the balcony.

He used all of his weight to push it open, and stepped onto the balcony. What he saw made his heart swell with pity, even if he didn’t understand what he was seeing.

Lady was lying on her back in the sweltering heat of the summer heat. She twisted her head to look at Dan and meowed again. Her leg was twisted, and it made Dan feel sick when he looked at it.

“Wady?” he said, and kneeled on the wood beside her. She made that noise again, and to Dan it sounded like a cry. She was begging for his help, he knew it. “Wady?”

Dan came close to running to his parents and making them come to help her, but he knew that nothing would. He didn’t know how she had injured herself, but it looked like she was beyond aid. The leg was horrible, and droplets of blood had already soaked into the wood.

Dan tried to pick the cat up, and she raked her claws across his arm. Three long scratches opened, and blood welled from them. Dan whimpered, but didn’t drop her. “It’ll be awright,” he said.

He put the cat on the balcony railing, and she stared at him from atop it. Once more, she meowed, but then Dan pushed at her.

She fell without a sound, other than the thud of her landing. The sun was beginning to lower from its threshold in the sky, and even in the heat, Dan could feel the nip of a cool breeze. He leaned over the balcony to see that the cat was now still, and his hands began to shake.

Dan closed the bedroom door and stood, immobile, for a few seconds. He looked at the gashes on his arm, on which the blood had not clotted and stopped flowing. Tears began to pour from his eyes, and he moved to his bed again, putting the pillow over his head and allowing himself to sob freely.

When the tears subsided, he took the pillow away and hugged it to himself, rocking back and forth on the edge of the bed. His cat was dead. She had been in so much pain, though. Dan didn’t think that she would have lived much longer.

Soon after that, Dan heard his mother calling to him to come to the table. He did as he was told, wiping at his eyes before he went to the table.
His father was laying the plates of steaming food down on the table, and he smiled when he saw Dan. “My baby boy!” He put the last plate down and picked Dan up, spinning him around and making airplane noises. Dan began to giggle.

“Dizzy,” he said, and his father placed him down on a seat.

“You all right now?” Dan nodded. “Good boy. Eat up.”

Dan looked down at his meal and smiled. His fourth birthday had just passed, and his parents had recently begun letting him eat his meal without any help. It made him feel warm inside to see their pride, and hear their praise.

“Boy, you need a haircut,” his mother said, sitting down at her place.

Dave looked at her long, frizzy hair and laughed. “So do you,” he said.

She laughed as well. “Oh, now we’re getting cheeky, are we?”

He grinned at her, making him look like a mischievous imp, and she laughed again, shaking her head.

The three of them ate their meal in almost complete silence. That was the way things were done in their house, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was the silence of people who knew each other well and were content in each other’s company.

After they finished their meal and washed up, Dan’s mother headed for the door. “Right, time for some gardening. Do you want to help, Danny?”

He stared up at her, his eyes widening. “No – no thank you.”

“All right,” she said, and walked out of the door.

Dan sat at the table feeling as if he was glued to the chair. His father had gone to his bedroom to do something, but Danny couldn’t leave. After several minutes, the inevitable scream came from outside.

When it did, Dan found that he could move when he jumped down from the chair and surprised himself by racing outside. His father was a few steps behind him, and they reached the woman at the same time.

She was standing in the garden with her yellow gardening gloves on and staring at the cat’s body, shaking. Dan could see tears pouring from her eyes.

He felt a pair of hands on his shoulder and they turned him back towards his house. “Go back inside, Danny. We’ll sort this out,” his father said, and Danny walked back inside. He kept throwing glances back towards the two of them, and as he stepped inside he saw his father put his arm around his mother.

Dan went back into his room, and more than ten minutes later, the two of them entered as well. They didn’t knock. His mother seemed to have regained her composure somewhat. She sat down on the end of his bed, and his father followed suit. “Dan? Are you all right?”

“Wady’s . . . not coming back, is she?”

“No, honey. She’s moved on from this life. But honey, do you know what I believe? I think that when a person is good in life, after they die, then they are rewarded. They come back as someone else and have an even better life.”

“Wady be someone else’s cat?”

“Maybe. Or maybe she was so good that she’ll come back as a person, like you or mummy. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Dan nodded, and wiped at his eyes. His mother put a hand on her arm, while his father stood in the doorway and watched the two of them. “Now,” she said. “Remember that it’s all right to cry. It’s completely natural after something like this happens, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan said.

“Good boy. And if you feel really said about Lady, just remember that she’s having a better life now.”

“I will.”

“That’s good. Now, it’s time for you to sleep. Would you like your daddy to read you a story?”

“Not tonight. I want you to tell me more about New Wady.”

“Okay,” she said. “Daddy’ll stay in here and help me with the story.”

So the two of them lay down on the bed with Dan and began spinning fantastic tales about the new life Lady would have, no matter who or what she would be. The idea caught Dan’s imagination, and in his mind he began to make his own stories. Still, he couldn’t forget Lady clawing his arm. His parents hadn’t noticed the cuts. They would soon fade from his skin, but never from his mind.

Okay, so this is the prologue of the story I posted a few days ago. I just done it. Hopefully it'll shed more light on the character. I'll dedicate it to Pingu for all of her help. :D




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Hey Mat.

This was quite well written as a whole. Simply crafted, simple descriptions but works well in establishing the mood of the setting and how the character feels.

I like how you tie all that with the characters of the story and especially Dan. It does add this depth to their character. One thing I think that could probably be worked on more would probably mentioning his own thoughts and feelings and linking them with the situation so that you can draw out the overall picture. Just a suggestion.

The flaw that I had a problem with would probably be the actual plot idea behind this piece. First thing, why would Dan want to push a cat off a balcony? OK sure the cat may be injured and shown as beyond help, but no way do I find it within the morals to end a cat's life like that. If the cat is injured badly and beyond help, Dan could had done two things.

1. Get it to a vet and see if the wound can be healed. A owner of a pet has the responsibility of caring for their pets despite how seriously hurt they are.

2. Get it put down by the vet. Dan has no right to end the life of an animal like that as it is against the law. If Dan wants the animal's suffering to end, get it put down by someone that is trained in ending an animal's life pain-free.

You have to explain further as to why Dan did what he did. Right now, his actions contradict with his crying. Unless of course he is crying simply to compensate for his action in which case you have to explain that more.

Of course, you won't have to explain the above if the parents didn't acted so artifical and somewhat trying to pretend to be compassionate for Dan and the Cat. The way they acted like the cat was no big deal just irked me. Dan was neither scolded or were their emotions shown. I feel as though someone's wrong with the entire family. If that is the case, then you need to explain that and show it. If not, then you need to make the situation more realistic. I just don't feel it at the moment.

Other than that, I like it; it was pretty good and clever in a sense.
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Hellooo Mat,
I decided to go with the prologue first this time, since it had the fewest crits XD. Let me see...

Dan waddled through the house, calling out to the cat in a voice that did not yet have a full grasp of language.”Wady?” he called. “Wady?”


Technical note: dialogue should be on a new line, IMHO.

Otherwise, I have two problems with this sentence. The first is the word "waddled", which is repeated elsewhere.

No-one seemed to be around, although he knew that his mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner. It was likely that his father would be helping her. It was their Sunday tradition to make the meal together, and they made it into a game.

He waddled about the house, humming one of the songs from the radio as he did. It was always playing when his father turned the machine on, and the tune had stuck in Dan’s head. “Wady?” He drew the word out, and kept searching the downstairs rooms.

After he was certain that she wasn’t there, he went back up the stairs, having to make an effort to climb up them now. When he reached the top, he began to race around the upstairs rooms again. His calls never wavered.
After another ten minutes, Dan gave up. He walked back to his room with his head down, and lay down on his bed. The view was amazing from his window, where he could see the entire street, but he couldn’t appreciate it.

Putting his head back on the pillow, and looking up at the glow in the dark stars on the roof, he sighed, and closed his eyes. At the moment he did, a faint meowing sound shook him from his relaxation. He sat up and looked around the bedroom, straining his ears as he listened for the sound once again.

It came soon after, but it was still faint. Dan was sure that it wasn’t coming from his room, and he jumped off his bed.

The noise became consistent, a pitiful mewling noise that came every few seconds. Dave followed the source of it until he came to the sliding door that led to the balcony.

He used all of his weight to push it open, and stepped onto the balcony. What he saw made his heart swell with pity, even if he didn’t understand what he was seeing.

Lady was lying on her back in the sweltering heat of the summer heat. She twisted her head to look at Dan and meowed again. Her leg was twisted, and it made Dan feel sick when he looked at it.

“Wady?” he said, and kneeled on the wood beside her. She made that noise again, and to Dan it sounded like a cry. She was begging for his help, he knew it. “Wady?”

Dan came close to running to his parents and making them come to help her, but he knew that nothing would. He didn’t know how she had injured herself, but it looked like she was beyond aid. The leg was horrible, and droplets of blood had already soaked into the wood.

Dan tried to pick the cat up, and she raked her claws across his arm. Three long scratches opened, and blood welled from them. Dan whimpered, but didn’t drop her. “It’ll be awright,” he said.

He put the cat on the balcony railing, and she stared at him from atop it. Once more, she meowed, but then Dan pushed at her.

She fell without a sound, other than the thud of her landing. The sun was beginning to lower from its threshold in the sky, and even in the heat, Dan could feel the nip of a cool breeze. He leaned over the balcony to see that the cat was now still, and his hands began to shake.

Dan closed the bedroom door and stood, immobile, for a few seconds. He looked at the gashes on his arm, on which the blood had not clotted and stopped flowing. Tears began to pour from his eyes, and he moved to his bed again, putting the pillow over his head and allowing himself to sob freely.

When the tears subsided, he took the pillow away and hugged it to himself, rocking back and forth on the edge of the bed. His cat was dead. She had been in so much pain, though. Dan didn’t think that she would have lived much longer.

Soon after that, Dan heard his mother calling to him to come to the table. He did as he was told, wiping at his eyes before he went to the table.
His father was laying the plates of steaming food down on the table, and he smiled when he saw Dan. “My baby boy!” He put the last plate down and picked Dan up, spinning him around and making airplane noises. Dan began to giggle.

“Dizzy,” he said, and his father placed him down on a seat.

“You all right now?” Dan nodded. “Good boy. Eat up.”

Dan looked down at his meal and smiled. His fourth birthday had just passed, and his parents had recently begun letting him eat his meal without any help. It made him feel warm inside to see their pride, and hear their praise.

“Boy, you need a haircut,” his mother said, sitting down at her place.

Dave looked at her long, frizzy hair and laughed. “So do you,” he said.

She laughed as well. “Oh, now we’re getting cheeky, are we?”

He grinned at her, making him look like a mischievous imp, and she laughed again, shaking her head.

The three of them ate their meal in almost complete silence. That was the way things were done in their house, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was the silence of people who knew each other well and were content in each other’s company.

After they finished their meal and washed up, Dan’s mother headed for the door. “Right, time for some gardening. Do you want to help, Danny?”

He stared up at her, his eyes widening. “No – no thank you.”

“All right,” she said, and walked out of the door.

Dan sat at the table feeling as if he was glued to the chair. His father had gone to his bedroom to do something, but Danny couldn’t leave. After several minutes, the inevitable scream came from outside.

When it did, Dan found that he could move when he jumped down from the chair and surprised himself by racing outside. His father was a few steps behind him, and they reached the woman at the same time.

She was standing in the garden with her yellow gardening gloves on and staring at the cat’s body, shaking. Dan could see tears pouring from her eyes.

He felt a pair of hands on his shoulder and they turned him back towards his house. “Go back inside, Danny. We’ll sort this out,” his father said, and Danny walked back inside. He kept throwing glances back towards the two of them, and as he stepped inside he saw his father put his arm around his mother.

Dan went back into his room, and more than ten minutes later, the two of them entered as well. They didn’t knock. His mother seemed to have regained her composure somewhat. She sat down on the end of his bed, and his father followed suit. “Dan? Are you all right?”

“Wady’s . . . not coming back, is she?”

“No, honey. She’s moved on from this life. But honey, do you know what I believe? I think that when a person is good in life, after they die, then they are rewarded. They come back as someone else and have an even better life.”

“Wady be someone else’s cat?”

“Maybe. Or maybe she was so good that she’ll come back as a person, like you or mummy. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Dan nodded, and wiped at his eyes. His mother put a hand on her arm, while his father stood in the doorway and watched the two of them. “Now,” she said. “Remember that it’s all right to cry. It’s completely natural after something like this happens, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan said.

“Good boy. And if you feel really said about Lady, just remember that she’s having a better life now.”

“I will.”

“That’s good. Now, it’s time for you to sleep. Would you like your daddy to read you a story?”

“Not tonight. I want you to tell me more about New Wady.”

“Okay,” she said. “Daddy’ll stay in here and help me with the story.”

So the two of them lay down on the bed with Dan and began spinning fantastic tales about the new life Lady would have, no matter who or what she would be. The idea caught Dan’s imagination, and in his mind he began to make his own stories. Still, he couldn’t forget Lady clawing his arm. His parents hadn’t noticed the cuts. They would soon fade from his skin, but never from his mind.
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)




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Hmm, I beg to differ from Andy's comments.
How would I four year old know the law? And I found his actions to be actually beyond his years, not stupid or cruel. I know my sister would ask the cat to be taken to the doctors to be 'fixed', and she's four.
It takes a lot of will and self-assurance to end a life out of compassion, and to make the decision the cat was better off dead.
Though, looking at his father's beliefs, it may be possible that Dan already believed Lady would be re-incarnated and did it so Lady could move to the next life, and end her pain. Still involved thoughts, admittedly, but if Dan was bright and picked up beliefs and ideals readily, and had been told this before... then it could be possible. But I'm rambling. As always.
Ah, well I found it very well written, as always. Didn't find any typos, either! :) All I can say is Dan seems older then his four years. I have younger siblings, and Dan acts older then both of them. But who can tell how a young child's mind works?
It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache.




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Ye know I luff you, but I have a bone to pick.

The first sentence, the hook and the vital point in a story (along with a start, problem, climax, solution), is pretty bad. It drags, which for a first sentence is bad. But what's worse is that it doesn't entice the reader. I should know cos I just zoned out and watched Futurama. On channel 10! That's serious!

I was thinking "Oh, ok, someone's finding a cat... haha, the Fry can't play basketball."

That's my comment. ;)




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Thanks for the crits, guys. Sorry, I lost my portfolio again. :lol: It looks like I've got a fair bit of editing to do now... Not just on this story.

We discussed most of the stuff you said in the chat, Andy, so now I'll just have to remember that conversation. >.< I'll have to make the religious thing stronger... And research religion. This could take a while. :P




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Insomnia wrote:What he saw made his heart swell with pity, even if he didn’t understand what he was seeing.

[. . .]

Her leg was twisted, and it made Dan feel sick when he looked at it.


Maybe I'm getting the wrong end of the stick here, but I personally feel that it is contradictory that one moment Dan doesn't understand what he's seeing and the next he suddenly understands and feels sick.


Insomnia wrote:Dan tried to pick the cat up, and she raked her claws across his arm. Three long scratches opened, and blood welled from them. Dan whimpered, but didn’t drop her. “It’ll be awright,” he said.


This seems a little of an unnatural reaction to me. I don't think that a four year old would be able to control their reflex reaction to withdraw from pain so easily.


Insomnia wrote:His father was a few steps behind him, and they reached the woman at the same time.


Sorry if this seems a bit picky however, refering to the mother as 'the woman' doesn't seem to fit into the text. It just feels a little out of place to me.


However, I did really enjoy reading that, a very good story and good depth in the character Dan.



Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
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