Not Now

Not Now

What's wrong with me you ask?
Some of you don't care
Some of you listen with half interest
Few of you listen with rapt attention.
I say there is nothing wrong with me.
Not now.

Before I was confused by
Your pressure
Your opinions
I let them sway my decisions
Now, I know that none of that matters.
Not now.

You opinions are not my laws.
My opinions are not my laws.
I have no laws.
I know that I rule me
And with this freedom,
I now spread my wings
And soar into my future of possibility.
Will you read this from me when I am dead?
Not now.

And now, I take my possibilities,
Death included,
And I leave all of you
To fulfill my own individual future.
Will anything ever be wrong with that?
Not now.
Not ever.



Not my best, but tell me what you think.
~Yoyo

Hehe, I think it's not your best.

It's more of a rant with line breaks, really. I would rather have more substance on it. Which I know you can do, having read enough of your poems.

What event made you come up with this decision? Maybe if you described the event in poetic imagery, it would seem better.

Well, I haven't read any more of your poems (I'll check them out, though!) but I didn't like it that much. It seemed to me one of those pieces you just wrote because you were bored. There wasn't any feeling in it, and it was just words that had been put down in a coherent manner.

I don't know how you would improve it, but I'm sure it can be done.

Thanks guys. Maybe I'll work on it. Maybe not. It isn't hugely important. *shrug* Just playing around.

chocoholic: Thanks for the other critique too. ^^ And from reading that old one you brought up, I've got an idea for another poem!! Thanks!

I thought your first 2 1/2 stanzas were good, but then it fell through.

You opinions are not my laws.
My opinions are not my laws.
I have no laws.
I know that I rule me
And with this freedom,
I now spread my wings
And soar into my future of possibility.
Will you read this from me when I an dead?
Not now.

It was okay up into the "I have no laws" line. Everything from that point on has been written before, especially the classic cliche of wings and freedom. I hate saying it, because I hate when people say my stuff is cliche, so don't take it personally!

And now, I take my possibilities,
Death included,
And I leave all of you
To fulfill my own individual future.
Will anything ever be wrong with that?
Not now.
Not ever.

This is just depressed ramble. However, I do like the last line and how you underlined it. Saying not now at the end of each line is a good idea.

Overall, I think this lacks substance. It doesn't have the gorgeous imagery that your other poems have. No worries, though, yoyo! You're a great writer!

Will you read this from me when I an dead

^should be am dead

great poem