darkness

Angle of darkness
black wings enclose me in a blanket of darkness
blood dripping out of the wounds they came from on my back
in my smile you see fangs ripping into my mouth
a true dark angle I’ve become.
Black wings
represent my broken soul
blood dripping
represent the fire to survive
fangs
represent the unwillingness to except
this angle of darkness I’ve become

Angle?

I think she means angel.

Oh man, I hate those angles of darkness. Such a pain to work with -- sin and cos never come out right, and forget integrating the shape.

(I think I just managed to make a Phantom of the Opera math spoof... "Angle of Music, guide and guardian, grant to me your theta!")

Anyway.

In all seriousness, this is a pretty mediocre piece. "Oh, boo hoo, look at me, I'm all goth and emo and blood! and pain! and fangs! and darkness!" Furthermore, you explain your own imagery! No, bad writer! Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

I seriously have to wonder about these lines:

blood dripping out of the wounds they came from on my back
in my smile you see fangs ripping into my mouth

What does "they" refer to in the first line I quoted? Blood? Blood should be "it." And that line isn't very smooth, anyway.

Fangs are ripping into your mouth? That sounds nasty. Is that like making out with a vampire or something? Ew.

Anyway, this really is more of a "journal poem," in that it should stay in your journal. There's really no poetic quality to it whatsoever, you repeat yourself over and over, and it's just... bleh.

Good luck next time.

Okay, I won't mention the whole Angle/Angel thing; I think that has been done enough.

After reading your other poem, "Good Bye" and then moving onto this, I sort of think that this is slightly better than the last. You've structured it okay - not great - and I think the idea was pretty cool, although what does it really signify? That, I didn't understand all that well.

I kinda agree with Crysi when she metions the whole idea of the poem being rather "mediocre". You seem to have a rather depressing air about your poems that may put a lot of readers off reading them. I know it may do me; I'm not a fan of those sort, but it is just personal preference.

Look to someone for advice and read some poetry,
GingerLove

To put it plainly, the poem is both unclear and pointless. But hey as long as you tried your best it's okay. But you should really read some poetry before writing your own peice. Try to focus around a more meaningful topic. Sorry if this review is too offensive to you but it's just to help you become a better poet.


(P.S. I know you heard this before but "angle" is supposed to be spelled angel")

Ok, well...
Ok. No offense, but that wasn't very good. The structure was..okay, I guess, but the theme is just pointlessly emo and gruesome. I mean, there are good emo poems, but this isn't one of them. The idea of dark/black angels is just so...cliched that even if this was expressed more clearly, it would still be rather...bleh.

I actually find the idea of Dark angels interesting, believe it or not. But you made them out to be vicious and emo-ish, which completely turned me off. I don't want to read about angels, evil or not, ripping out people's backs.

But keep trying!
You just need to express your ideas in a more original way!

-Ayra