Revival

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 1175
Reviews 185
I had fallen.
I sought the easy way out.
Played on everyones feelings,
bent all there trust.
Through lies
and deceit
I got all I wanted.
Never even broke a sweat.

At last it caught up to me,
I hit rock bottom.
For to long was it in the dark,
it had to come out,
It was inevitable.
For all my badder,
and my sly tongue
could not save me in the end.

You came down hard,
Your hammer stroke fell.
I was condemned,
the darkness my prison.
I would push, but you'd hold fast,
not even my wit could rescue me.
The wall stayed,
I was forced to pick up the pen.

Through all my torment,
stupidity, and idiocy,
I think I understand.
You never hated me,
nor give up on my dreams.
You held onto me,
if only by a whim,
a fools hope.

I thank you, you can let go.
It's time I stood on my own.
unless I help myself
nothing's going to change.
I'll work hard,
climb back up the latter,
Find the light,
and complete my revival.
I will always fight back, no matter what.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9697
Reviews 3900
There is not a single thing in this poem that grounds it in reality. And that's why it fails.

Sorry, you know I love you--you've been on YWS enough so that you know that. But I must speak the truth. Until you write about something real, then you are never going to be a good poet.

Cut out the cliched nonsense, take away all the silly metaphors, and write about something you actually know about.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1175
Reviews 185
I understand and I know it's not my best. I started writing poetry as a way to vent my emotions. Everything is finally turning around so I can focus on inproving my poetry. Give me some time and I'll blow you away.
I will always fight back, no matter what.



Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.
— Bishop Desmond Tutu