Pickles

I was bored when I wrote this, so don't get all huffy that this ain't the best...

Pickles
I opened the jar
And to my surprise
Out jumped a green thingy
Covered in bumps
It pushed out its arms
And shoved out its legs
It split near the top
A mouth filled with teeth
It ran around screaming
Yelling Gibberish
I lifted my foot
And stepped on it
With a satisfying crunch
Its appendages disappeared
Its mouth closed back up
I picked it up
Looked it over
Walked to the sink
Rinsed it thoroughly
And then I ate it

this rocks alex joseph lucier! I'm going to hurt people if they don't reply because this was the most hilarious piece of work i have ever read... excpt for my poem, Broken Dreams... that was pretty funny... ooh, are you going to draw a picture of a pickle?

Alex nice job on this story of a pickle.Just next time do it on Mooses. :thumb: :thumb: :thumb: :thumb: :thumb: 5 thumbs up and 5dancing elephants.

HEY NO FAIR I WAS ABOUT TO DO THAT!!!
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!

Ya know, no one but the people I told to review have reviewed... WAHHH!!!!!!

Ok, im over it...

Here ya go!!!

For some weird reason, I liked this. Maybe because it wasn't so overwhelmed with angst like the other poems I've read. Even so, I think the last line is a little weak and doesn't fit in with the rest of your poem ("And then I ate it." Come on!) I also think the word you use, appendages, seems a little out of place. Look in your thesaurus and come up with a better, simpler word. Simpler words in this poem make the meaning more humorous.

"And then I ate it" adds humor because it doesn't fit in and it adds immaturity making it funnier...
I can't find another words because "Arms and Legs" would make that line longer making it not even match worse because all the other lines are shorter...
Here's a cookie for each of my reviewers! *Gives them all a cookie*

yeah Cooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss

PICKLESSS!! YUM YUM YUM!