need ur critics for my writting . . .

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wat u think bout this?
i wrote this for my exam months ago and i'm still curious is it good or not..



[pre]Indonesia – The Loss of Culture Respect

Years ago, our people would fight for their nation and culture. They even spent their time to do something cultural like traditional dancing, batik, etc. But now, we can see many people spending their time by sitting in Starbucks and drinking cappuccino. They even throw away their nationality and culture. Nationality is just like wearing a mask for them, we’ve lost our own identity. How could this happen? Is it because of globalization?
Many researchers have been doing research about this topic. Most of them blame the west for this condition. Even when social teachers teach their students about globalization, they still blame the west. What a real shock, huh? They think that the west brought all the technologies and tradition of drugs. Western culture also brings their bad habits to the East; these things are written on that kind of people’s mind. Why don’t they just start thinking that it isn’t all about the west but also our people?
We can’t always live traditionally, can you imagine if the offices here didn’t have any computers or faxes. Or if we didn’t use any technology that the west had found just to keep our nationality and cultural identity? Stupid minded people! We need the technologies and we know that by the time their culture will mix with ours. It’s our people who are misunderstanding the use of the technologies. What we need is just the way to keep our culture and nationality but the most important thing is our people confidence. In fact, we don’t have any sense of pride. Just take a look at our real life; there are only a few people who choose to perpetuate the culture of Indonesia. Besides, our people also accept the tradition of using drugs because they think that using drugs looks cool even they know that it’s dangerous.
If our people have the guts to prevent the misunderstanding of western culture, our nation wouldn’t loss our own culture. We can take a look at Japan and Korea, they really do have great technology but their people still continue their traditional way of life, ex; Japanese continue to celebrate their own tradition by wearing the kimono or the yukata, Korean are dressed in their traditional outfit when they’re married, etc. We don’t have to look so far; in our country we have Bali that still continues its own culture. How about the other parts of us? There are majority of people who don’t celebrate Kartini’s Day (Hari Kartini) and forget about Hero’s Day (Hari Pahlawan). My school is one of many places that don’t celebrate Kartini’s Day (Women Emancipation Day) and the other national day except Independence Day of Indonesia or Teacher’s Day.
Have you realized what we need?? It’s sense of pride. It’s really that simple. If we have the sense of pride of Indonesian culture, we don’t have to be afraid of the others. We’ll stand inside the line of secure area, we still can accept the western culture but we won’t get into them. [/pre]




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*Moved to Nonfiction*
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I like it, and it's so true.

You get points for thinking outside the box and writing what really matters.
"Son, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A felon!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yah! This kid at school says they get all the girls!"
"I should try that..."




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Eh...the idea was good. The problem was that the paper was way too informal. Don't use common phrases like "huh," and never use exclamation marks in a paper. Don't even use question marks, if at all possible. It is also inadvisable to address the reader in an essay; try to avoid "I"s and "you"s and "we"s altogether. If you want to state your opinion, address yourself as "this writer" or "the present author."

I know all of this may seem harsh, and maybe your teacher doesn't care. I know my teachers slam me for these mistakes. So, to really wow your teachers and professors in the future, don't write like you talk. Make your writing classy and formal.

Once again, I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but it will help you so much in the future if you get out of these habits now! Colleges especially will be impressed if you learn to avoid the things I mentioned. I really liked the points the essay addressed, though. If you decide to rewrite it for practice, definitely send it to me!
My main project until Script Frenzy is an experiment using blog posts between four characters as episodes of a common story. You can read this work as it progresses at http://knowallchronicles.blogspot.com/.



The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
— Harold Coffin