Reflection

Hi there,
First, I just wanna say welcome to YWS, as I can see you're fairly new I'm sure you'll love it here!

Moving on to your poem:

Basic Technical Stuff

1. I noticed a couple of typos - "pf my actions" should be "of my actions" and "With out" should be one word ("without").

2. Punctuation! It's important. I think you should go through this and read it out loud. You're missing a few commas and full stops, and the question mark should be after "distorted," not "am."

3. Your formatting is interesting. Is it deliberate? I think it would be tidier if it were four lines to a verse, but that's up to you. Also, why is it in bold?

Content

1. I'm not sure what this is about. The title says "Reflections" and you mention reflections briefly in the first few lines, but then you seem to go off on a tangent. It sounds like you're talking to yourself. To make it more accessible to the reader, try describing more about who you are, why you're thinking this, and what's going on around you.

2. There's not much poetry in this. Sure, it rhymes, but where are the metaphors, similes, adjectives, adverbs...? Basically, this piece lacks emotion, and I think it's because there's not much description. All you're doing, as I said above, is talking to yourself. Try to get your reader involved. Use the tricks they teach you in English class - things like assonance, alliteration, onomatopoaeia and I still cant spell that darn word...Anyway. I want to get involved in this poem, but right now there's nothing for me to interact with. Go deeper.

Overall, it's OK. You have a fair grasp of rhythm and your rhyming is neat, it feels quite natural (which, trust me, is rare for rhyming poetry **winces**). Just try working on engaging your reader and adding some emotion.

Best wishes,
~bubbles

extremexxways wrote:[b]Do you see me as I am?
Or is my reflection distorted.[b]

This should be "Do you see me as I am,
Or is my reflection distorted?"

The intent pf my actions,
Often different than reported

pf= of

But clearing up my problem
Is a very simply task

simply=simple


Okay, other than some typos, I kind of liked it. Something about it bothered me. You need more imagery and feeling to it. It could be a lot better. I would do something with the title, as I have seen more than three poems called "Reflection". I liked the beginning, about the distorted reflection and whatnot; I'd play the rest of the poem off of that, instead of that odd thing about ettiquette. Make your reader feel by letting them relate...
erm... anyways, keep at it. You had some pretty good ideas.

I really can't do anything beyond echo Bubbles and offer some tips.

We can't tell what this poem is about, and because of that, I can't feel anything with it. When you write a poem, especially an emotional one like this, it's important that you reach your reader and speak to them, make them feel. To do this, you have to use things like imagery, the senses, metaphors, all of that stuff that makes poetry juicy and awesome. Right now your poem is just telling, talking right to someone, and we don't feel anything. Why not explain how your feeling or what your situation is? Bring us into it. I think your problem is you wrote this to someone. That means that the situation is all assumed, but for readers, it's very blank.

Er, I hope that helped! If you have any questions, just come find me.