A bawx house

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{{ I started writing this night but have to go to bed right now. This is what I have so far... }}

For one to enter unprotected into the sick and cruel mind of a “normal” 13 year old boy from East Trillian would be a horrible act. It would be complete torture unto the first, second and third degree to the mind and clean heart of any mentally sane and stable human being - some have said that placing one’s hand between the teeth of George Fuhrman’s Lean Mean Green Gorilla Eating Machine, sprinkling salt over where the projected burn marks would be, and then quickly grabbing someone else’s hand and clamping down on it would be a much, much better punishment than that. Anything but that.
And so as we begin the unprotected journey into the sick and cruel mind of a normal 13 year old from East Trillian, you have been warned. No one is responsible for your health besides you, and from the series of horror stories that have been published under the title, “Oh My God Do Not Go Into The Mind Of A Normal 13 Year Old Kid From East Trillian” parts I, II and III, it will not look good. However, if you have a taste, you sick person you, for things like teenagers and pie, then you are reading the right story. For now we shall begin, and thus we begin, where it all begins: a house.

Where the aforementioned house stands may actually be described more accurately as a series of boxes piled on top of each other. 14 years ago, way back into the days of brick cell phones and (oh my) pagers, a man and his wife created it using the moving boxes from the iHaul company they own as a structural testament and also as a nice piece of advertisement. It stood 1 1/2 stories tall, where 1/2 of a story has been eaten away by the local cardboard eating pest named “3 year old children unattended by their parents”. Coincidentally, the World Health Organization has ranked the city #3 in the worst places to raise 3 year olds, next only to the lost city of Atlantis (good view, horrible air quality) and the Neverland Ranch owned by Michael Jackson (self-explanatory).
The Bawx House, as its named, is one of the few highlights of an otherwise quite boring landscape.

{{ Continue? Revise? Thoughts? }}




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I don't know about this. It took me a little while to get through the first paragraph because it was so repetitious. Which isn't necessarily bad, especially in humorous works (think: Doug Adams) but I think it might be better if you presented your narrator better. Put action into it first and then be rambly about it, because by then you've (hopefully) hooked your readers. :D

But whatever you do, don't revise. Just continue! You can't get stuck in the editing trap of death -- thats' AFTER you've written your novel. ;)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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