You and Yourself

I despise you
I authorized you
You compared me
Please, spare me?
Take off that mask
I will not tell
Since I was polite
I do not have patience for fights
For you will cut your corners walking by
This is the time to say your lies and goodbyes

Wow.. I like this
I'm not sure about the rhythmn... [I can't spell ^^] but I have to say it made me stop and think, which is good.

Describes a tender soul maybe... Who is passionate about something... I think violence and authority?

That's how I see it anyway. Good =]

I really like this poem. You seem to be really confertable when talking about such a subject which is good. Even so, everything needs some fixing.

1.) Though your emotion is good, when talking about such a matierial thing there should be some sort of picture in our mind about what's happening.

2.) The flow seemed a little off so try rereading it to yourself. I think your punctuation might be a little off. Maybe not

Any way i really like this and will read some of your other stuff when i get the chance.

PS. you're a new member so welcome to the site.

~Mr. Pie

Ack, punctuation! This is something you need. Poetry & Punctuation.

This could have a lot of emotions behind it, but I Can't really tell. Why? Because 1. You're telling a whole lot of things 2. I don't even know who the narrator is or who the narrator is talking to 3. it's much too vague.

Emotional poetry is the hardest to write, because emotions are vague as it is. You have to write these poems so that the reader can feel with you. A few ways to fix this up is to do more showing and explain more things (what are the emotions? I can't even tell, this poem is too vague to even know what it is about). You could also add sensory image, which would help the poem out because it's an awesome thing to have.

You're probably new to writing, so don't freak out and get scared at all of the stuff I said! It might seem harsh--and it probably is--but don't let it scare you. Poetry is hard. But you can do a lot to learn. Like what? Read as much poetry as you can get a hold of! Reading poetry will help you so much. Also, read books on writing poetry. One I really like is The Idiots Complete Guide to Writing Poetry, which isn't an insult! It really is a good book.


Best of luck!

The rhythm of this poem was much more like that of a rap that that of poem.

I really had no idea what was going on either. None of it made any sense to me whatsoever. It is far too vague.
I have no idea who the narrator is or who he is speaking to. I got a little sense of anger but that only came from the idea of it fitting more as a rap than anything you had actually written.
And the last line, just didn't fit. It belonged in another poem.

Sorry if I seemed a little harsh but poetry is hard to write, especially emotional poetry. Keep writing though.

I despise you.
I authorized you.
You compared me.
Please, spare me?
Take off that mask.
I will not tell.
Since I was polite,
I do not Change this to 'don't' it flows better have patience for fights
For you will cut your corners walking by
This is the time to say your lies and goodbyes

I didn't really get this poem but you had some good lines and ideas.
Keep improving it and add more to it.
keep writing!
Charlotte

You had a good grammar stucture in this, and it reminded me of some of my poems.
I really liked it!
Not all good poems have to be long poems, and this one proves that.

This poem is all about the narrator. Unfortunately.

Masks may be a good image, but it depends on the mask. If I use my incredibly wild imagination, the "you" in the poem is wearing a mask that makes him look like a chicken, and he is trying to joke around with the narrator, but she cannot handle it and is being Ms. Tighty Pants.

...if you don't want this confusion, please describe something more than just what the narrator wants. Please.