isn't it ironic?

Note: I didn't write this. I got permission from my boyfriend to put this up. We had been going through a rough time when he wrote this and I found it...

Isn't it ironic?
To be ready for this,
But beofre giving the special kiss,
She says she doesn't want me.
I thought me and she could be
But I failed to see
What she saw.
I thought she could catch me from
This fall,
That she would help me walk,
And not have to crawl.
Isn't it ironic?
I had convinced myself she was
The one.
She wasn't someone with whom
To just have fun.
But I was stupid.
She saw all my faults,
Not the valor in me.
I thought it was us,
But now I know it's just me...

There wasn't any punctuation. There was so rhmye but not enough to keep a scheme. Otherwise I feel bad for him, but its not exactly clear why she didn't like him. hence: the faults part Although I have to say what he wrote was sweet

~Nightmare~

yeah, he knew what he was writing about, but I don't think it was...It was directed at me...yeah...it was bad...I wasn't really looking for anyone to critique it, but you're welcome to!!

If you didn't want us to critique it, you should have put it somewhere else. :P

Anyway, I think a good title for it (a better one than "Doesn't have a name..." anyway) would be "Isn't it ironic?" Also, please note that poems that do not have titles are often called by their first line.

I like the concept, but I don't quite like the lack of punctuation. With puncuation, you would be able to phrase better and make it sing. Now? It sort of just is. So add punctuation to make it pretty. ^___^

alright, can do

not that great with poetry, though. I'll do my best!!!

its okay ... as said before don't put it up here if you don't want it looked at!!! but it was good and i have had some of the same type of things written to me so i understand

I agree, the concept is good but the lack of puntuation and sometimes grammar is a little bothersome. The simplicity of this is really nice though. I almost like how it's just telling you and being straight forward, though some metaphor and such would be of great use. He's not horrible at writing. I could feel the sadness in this poem.

~Rieda

Oh my gosh... isn't your boyfriend the romantic ^^

I liked this, it is very sweet and made me stop and think about my own relationships and how I sometimes treat the ones I love. I like how he has discreetly outlined what is good about you using such terms as 'sweet kiss' and has also outlined some of the bad, and upsetting things,

Loved it. =]

Aww laf, this is really good. Your boyfriend is a good poet.

I think it flowed really well and I don't see anything wrong with it. It's got a nice subject to it and it's just all together nice.


Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay

This was really sweet. I liked it a lot.

The first, oh, half of the poem wasn't that great, but it really picked up in the middle and I really liked the last part.

This was the best:

"I had convinced myself she was
The one.
She wasn't someone with whom
To just have fun.
But I was stupid.
She saw all my faults,
Not the valor in me.
I thought it was us,
But now I know it's just me..."

Overall, this was great. Your boyfriend's a great poet, as Lindsay said.

Peace, love, chocolate,
Muffin

I feel like I've read this before, I feel so moved by it though, great job Angel. I can really feel a great vibe coming from this piece as if, I don't know maybe I'm just rambling. Thses are perfect lyrics I think you should add more, but then again that's just me. If you do decide to add more please PM me I'd loved to read about it. Best of Luck and keep writing dearie.

Your friend, as always,
-Max

I thought me and she could be

That is grammatically incorrect. It should be "I thought she and I could be." (If you have any questions on why, feel free to send me a private message :] )

This is pretty good. It's nice that you have punctuation, but now I think you have a little too much. I'd take out (highlighted in red)...

To be ready for this,

But beofre giving the special kiss,

She says she doesn't want me.

I thought she could catch me from

This fall,

That she would help me walk,

And not have to crawl.

I think if those little parts in red are removed the poem will flow a lot better.

Your boyfriend is so romantic. I wish a guy would write something like that for me :]

This was a pleasure to read.
- Summerless <3