To John Donne

Your words to me are so--
crass. They make me want to
scream and laugh
tossing aside my white dress as you
come down as golden rain
While I, trapped, am forced to
watch as your delicate commas
loosen my thighs.

A confession for you:
I did not kill the flea.

Haha,

erm. Sorry inside jokes about John Donne aside. I love it. I especially like the inside rhyme of crass & laugh.

For analysis purposes, I love the couplet at the end. My reading of The Flea was that it was all about the man wanting sex out of his woman, and by squishing the flea, she is squishing the his proposal. So, yeah, I love the narrator's emphasis that "she" did not kill the flea.

Ta,
Cal.

The final line is so perfect! But if she did not kill the flea then she did not prove that his fears were false (that killing the flea would kill them because it held their blood) so how can she believe him when he says her fears (loss of virginity) are as false as his? Lol. Perhaps I'm reading into it too much but yeah, it made me laugh and I think Donne would love to read it if he were alive.

I liked this ^_^ Kelly's explanation about the couplet helped, as well, otherwise I was left thinking, "Uhm, what?"

I loved the imagery. I'm guess Donne is some author that I don't know and haven't read his story? Heh, but even so, without that, it still works. All but the couplet, that is. But it's good that it works without the reference being understood.

They make me want to
scream and laugh
tossing aside my white dress as you
come down as golden rain

I loved the visuals in this the most, but should "rain" end with a period? Based on your capitalization, I think you just missed that. Or... I don't know. haha.

Reading it the second time, I liked it even more, because I understood it slightly better. Awesome, Snoink! I wish that I could write a good poem to another author...

Donne is a poet Claudette dear. I studied him last year and found his poems... interesting. 'The Flea' is one of his better known pieces and you should read it. It's rather enlightening. Lol. Here-s a link if you feel inclined -

http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/flea.php

Very nice Snoink. And I'm glad you preserved the flea. Why should it die just cause it had mixed their DNA?

John Donne...

That aside, very cool and made me chuckle

I think this poem gave me nightmares last night LMAO.

Aside from that though, as a poem it's very well done, and I love the subject. Very clever

Cheers,
~bubbles

Whoa, that's pretty sweet. What happened in the nightmare?

I'm cant remember that well. Something about a flea, I think o_0 I'm sure it was very symbolic, LOL.

first reaction: ew.

second reaction: "tossing aside my white dress as you
come down as golden rain"

SWEET LINES!

third reaction: wait a second ... ew.

donne is fascinating, though. and undoubtedly talented.