Melnikov #4 /P

Removed.

Wow. Talk about edge of your seat.

Monica lifted her head up after being shot in the lower back. She cried out for someone to help her as the man in the suit approached him from behind.

Her?

He looked down at his wound and set his finers just over...

Fingers

"Three days before what!"

"Three days before what?"

Once you can unwrap a Starburst with your tongue and tie a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue,...

Maybe get rid of one of them?

Man, that was intense. Pretty awesome stuff, Brad! Keep it up!

First of all, that was the best beginning I've ever read. Anything that starts out with tongue tricks is bound to be awesome. lol. And omg! There was the action I was so dying to see and...dude. We have something new here I see, I don't remember muscles breaking apart or self-cannibalizing bodies such as this. It was disgusting and yet so intruiging. The part about Kyle scared me though. What did Kyle do to keep Jon alive? I just noticed that I'd never figured that out. I hope this is the real Kyle for god sakes with all the confusion last time I hope Kyle is real. Jon going through this again. I don't know, will he be able to take it? He's still recovering from the last time! Okay, I must read the next! What happens in three days! This was awesome!

~Rieda

It annoys me that you neglect to mention Jon closing the front door.

Jon glanced at the staircase, certain someone--or something--would be standing there, watching...waiting.

I think you are missing a word?

It was immediate, loud, and everywhere around him. He immediately threw his hands to his ears and fell to the floor as a wall of energy rattled through his body.

you used immediate twice...

The door was pushed to, and his stomach [s]plumetted[/s] plummeted as he approached.

pushed to what?

Hm. Well that was weird. So, I can say I will read more, but it wasn't my bestest favorite ^_^ It got me thinking, "Hey, why does this stuff always happen to them?" Almost as if my suspension of believe is failing, and the awesomeness doesn't win over it. but you know, it works, or something, so it's okay.

*shrugs* I'll continue reading, in any case.