HP 7 fanfic

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[Alright, so I've never written a fanfic before, as I've always thought them kinda stupid, but with the ending of the last HP book (as in such an abrubt transition from end of the battle to the epilogue) so I wrote this to fill in the blanks. Hopefully its not too cliche. The setting is immediately after the end of the last chapter of the book, before the epilogue]

The Awakening

All Harry could think of that dawn that it all ended was the little four-poster bed that he used to call his in his previous six years at Hogwarts. After leaving the Headmaster's office with Ron and Hermione, that is exactly where he went, straightaway, and drifted immediately off to sleep, in a deep, dreamless, sleep.

Eventually, Harry stirred from his deep slumber, after what for him, seemed to be mere hours. When he woke up, he heart a faint, far-away sounding female voice and a blurry visage of a redheaded figure, he couldn't quite recognize. He groped for his glasses, and once they were on his face, he could cleary recognize the person sitting over his bed. It was Ginny.

"...Ginny...wha'..." Harry stammered in his still half-asleep state.
"Oh, good, Harry, you're awake, finally," she said, relief plausable in her voice. "Ron! Hermione! Come quickly! Harry is awake!" she called down the hall of the dormitory in Griffindor tower, obviously towards the commor room, where they were sitting.

"Ginny, whats the matter? I was just sleeping!" Harry protested as Ron and Hermione bounded over to his four-poster.
"Well, now we know that, yeah" Ginny said.
Hermione continued for her, saying "You've been out cold so long we thought....we thought...maybe...."
"We thought maybe the Avada Kedavra took effect after all, mate" Ron cut in succinctly.
"What? Why? How long have I been asleep?" Harry asked.
"'bout a week and a half," Ron said again. "Everyone's still here...they didn't want to leave until we knew for sure...all the preparations, for, you know, are ready, but we didn't want to do anything without you there, Harry"
"I've been asleep for a week and a half?"
"Out cold," Ron said. "No muttering, no shifting, no talking in your sleep"
"It was so different from what you used to do, we thought maybe, well, you know..." Hermione said.
"No, I'm quite alive, thanks" Harry said, climbing out of bed. "I'm going to go get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs" The others nodded agreement and left the dormitory for the Griffindor common room.

***
As they entered the great hall, the great din that normally accompanied dinner went silent all of a sudden, as those now enjoying their meal prepared by the now-free house-elves noticed Harry was indeed alive, and awake, and in their presence. As Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny walked into the great Hall and towards what was Griffindor table, but now held many griffindors, as well as families of Griffindors, and Order Members, as well as Nearly Headless Nick, and sat down next to George, Mr and Mrs Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebot. No sooner had they sat down, then had someone within the hall raised their butterbeer in salute and screamed "TO HARRY POTTER!" At this point the hall erupted in uproarious applause and cheers and all lifted their goblets in a toast. Soon the Great Hall was echoing with raucous applause from all corners, all the tables clapping and cheering for Harry. Soon Harry raised his hands for silence, like he had done in the Headmaster's office the day, no a week a half, Harry corrected himself, before.
"Please," Harry said. "I am no hero. I merely was put in an extradorinary situation and rose to the occasion. And with the help of great freinds," he smiled at those surrounding him, "together we were able to defeat Tom Riddle and the Death Eaters. But please, do not regard me as a hero, let alone the sole hero, without first considering that of yourselves. For all of you who fought for Hogwarts that day are heroes, in my book. And to you," he said, raising his goblet of pumpkin juice, "I salute". He said, downing the entire goblet. The applause started up again, and Harry sat down amidst his freinds and ate his first real meal in a very long time, which he enjoyed fully.

***
Over the next few days, all the Defenders of Hogwarts had set about the task of funeral preparations and the task of beginning to rebuild the castle. In the past few days, they had set about scrubbing the blood staines off the marble floor and other smaller rebuilding tasks while preparing for the funerals of those slain in the battle. It was decided that it was more meaningful, for all involved, that those who died were to be buried on the grounds of the school, next to Albus Dumbledore. Neville, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, the Order members and Harry were the most involved in planning the funerals for the fallen, and yet, Harry noticed, that Ron and Hermione had become virtually inseperable from each other, often leaving together to wander the grounds for hours on end, always coming back hand in hand. Harry had talked to Ginny, of course, but with the funeral arrangements, and the expectations everyone had of the Boy Who Lived to take charge, they rarely had time to be alone together, as yet. One day, after a particularly long asbence of Ron and Hermione, they came strolling back to the Griffindor common room, hand in hand as always, but instead of just plopping themselves down on chairs as they usually did, they walked over to Harry, and said in slightly hushed tones,
"Harry, there's something I...we...want to tell you," Ron said, and then looking at each other, as if whatever secret they had were about to burst them open like a severing charm, Hermione exclaimed
"We're Engaged, Harry!" her voice seemed to be bursting with happiness, she could not possibly get more happy, Harry thought.
"I want you to be the best man, Harry, I really do," Ron said, a bit louder than he should have.
"What? Of course, I will, Ron! Congradulations, both of you!" Harry said, jumping up and embracing them both in a hug.
"I've got to go tell Mum and Dad," Ron blurted, and he and Hermione went downstairs to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.


****
The funeral was somber, of course. But someberer still considering that for a July day the sun was dark and the sky was overcast, and it had been a generally rainy, dreary week. The wreckage of Hogwarts castle stood, in the background as an emphasis of the somberness of this most sad occasions. Kinglsey Shacklebot, interim Minister of Magic, presided over the funeral:
"Today, we lay to rest the body of our slain heroes. Of Remus and Nymphadora "Tonks" Lupin. Of Fred Weasley--" at Fred's name, Mrs. Weasley yet again started wailing, her tears coming in great bursts. She was comforted by Ginny, Luna and Hermione. "--and many, many other heroes of that battle that saved Hogwarts, at long last, from Lord Voldemort"
At the mention of his chosen name, Ron visibly shuddered, as if afraid that mentioning his name would make him come back. Harry leaned over to whisper to Ron
"D'you reckon it's alright if we say his name now?" to which Ron could only chuckle and respond
"Yeah, I reckon so."
Kingsley continued without pause
"And while we of course must mourn our fallen, as we shall, let us not forget the reasons why they sacrificed their lives: that we, the survivors may live a life free of fear, pain, suffering and instead, one full of happiness and joy. And so, while we of course must mourn these brave fallen heroes, let us remember that we must also rejoice in the fact that victory has been won. The Dark Lord has been defeated, and now, finally, we are free to live in peace. We must live our lives to the fullest, that we may give theirs meaning. And so it is with this bittersweet notion that we committ their bodies to the ground"
The Funeral went on much the same way for the few hours it took to conclude the services and eulogies for all teh brave, fallen defenders of Hogwarts, of Dumbledore's Army. Harry sat, transfixed, between Ron and Ginny, squeezing and holding the laters' hand the whole time, listening intently to every eulogy. At the end of the ceremony, there was not one dry eye on the grounds, and Hagrid wept openly big giant tears in the corner where e was sitting.
After the funeral, Harry and Ginny strolled off together along the grounds. Finally, Harry thought, a moment or two with Ginny, alone. The moment he had been waiting for since she kissed him in her room in the Burrow--since he had known she'd been the one.
After a long time of just silently walking, and holding each otehrs hands, Harry finally broke the silence.
"Ginny?"
"Yes...?" She said.
"Ginny, theres been something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time." Harry said, treading on very unfamiliar ground.
"Oh?" she asked, quizzically.
"Yes. Well, I guess I'll go right into it then," he said, turining her around so he could look her square in the eyes, then continuing, "I love you Ginny."
"I know that Harry, I love you to" she responded.
"No, Ginny, not like that. I'm IN LOVE with you. You know what I thought about all this year, when we were away from each other? You here and me on the run? You. Your look, your voice, your hair, your voice."
"Harry...I..." Ginny started, but Harry cut her off.
"Ginny, please, let me finish," Harry said, finally on a roll.
"When we were freezing in the mountains or the bogs or what have you, with very little edible food to eat, what kept me sane, what kept me HAPPY, other than the presence of Ron and Hermione, was the thought of you, Ginny." Harry said, passionately.
"Harry," Ginny said, "I love you too"
"Really?" Harry asked.
"Yes, really" Ginny replied, laughing.
"Ginny, will you marry me?" Harry asked, pleading, for her to say yes.
"Oh, Harry....of course!" Ginny said, jumping into Harry's arms and kissing him the way that Hermione had kissed Ron in the room of requirement a few weeks prior. Harry was at that moment, the happiest he'd ever been.

****

(I'm not quite finished with this, I'll add more tomorrow, but I'm kinda tired and should be getting off to sleep. I just wanted to get out of my brain and onto paper, or mB as it were, before I forgot my train of thought. Hopefully the last part, the really emotional lovey dovey scene isn't too cliche/melodramatic.)
"He who takes a life...it is as if he has destroyed an entire world....but he who saves one life, it is as if he has saved the world entire" Talmud Sanhedrin 4:5

!Hasta la victoria siempre! (Always, until Victory!)
-Ernesto "Che" Guevarra




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I really liked this! Besides for a few typos, it was good. I think that it fit in with the book. It was good.

That ending love scene was fine. Not too sappy. But then again, I'm a girl so I don't really find it sappy.

Anyway. It was great!

Awesome job!

xoxo
-Caitlin
Boys are definitely NOT worth your time.

Well, this boy wasn't.




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Yeah, thats what I was worried about. After all, I'm a guy, and I don't really DO love scenes, especailly ones like this so I was worried about that. Thanks for the info.
"He who takes a life...it is as if he has destroyed an entire world....but he who saves one life, it is as if he has saved the world entire" Talmud Sanhedrin 4:5

!Hasta la victoria siempre! (Always, until Victory!)
-Ernesto "Che" Guevarra




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Considering that Hermione and Ron were never really together as a couple except for a short time in this fanfic and Harry and Ginny only really spoke once before getting engaged, you seem to move it along awfully quickly. It's good brainstorming, but it feels kind of rushed. Also, the idea that Harry would sleep for more than a week straight is unbelievable. With as much grief as Harry would have, I would think he would have a problem getting to sleep instead of the other way around, or at least sleep fitfully.

Like I said, it's a good start and something to build on, but I think you should put more "stuff" in between. Perhaps wait a year for them to get engaged? But it's good, really-- good voicing and all ;-)

~Deoris
'"Many years ago, when I was young, I saw a fire, and what looked like death-- and beyond that, in the dark places, something...or some One, who knew me. Shall I at last find my way back to that wonderworld of Night?"'




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Yeah, like I said: first draft. I'm going to flush it out a little more tomorrow (hopefully) and maybe some more...maybe a scene about dealing with Harry coming to terms with his new dutys as Teddy's godfather, etc.

Oh, and of course I'm not trying to write another novel, etc, so I'm not going to go a few years or whatever....but I'll flush it out.
"He who takes a life...it is as if he has destroyed an entire world....but he who saves one life, it is as if he has saved the world entire" Talmud Sanhedrin 4:5

!Hasta la victoria siempre! (Always, until Victory!)
-Ernesto "Che" Guevarra




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hmm...i thought Harry's dialogue was a little out of character. but that's really the only thing that bothered me. very nice.
“We’re still here,” he says, his voice cold, his hands shaking. “We know how to be invisible, how to play dead. But at the end of the day, we are still here.” ~Dax

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S: "We eat them!"




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There are a few grammar mistakes...but good work! :D




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I think it's a little awkward for you to mention that this was the happiest he'd ever been so shortly after discussing funeral preparations, you know? Plus, you have to remember that he is only seventeen: what seventeen year old proposes (to a sixteen year old, moreover)?

I think this could use rather a lot of work, especially in the dialogue and character development area. Check out the Nuances of Natural Dialogue usergroup, for a start. As it is, your dialogue seems very stiff and unnatural. You have to be careful of it in original fiction, but it's extra difficult in fanfic when you're working with characters that already have set and expected speech and other traits.
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I agree, it does seem sort of stiff. Harry seems so distant and out of character; everything moves along so quickly, too. It isn't like JKR's writing at all; though her narrative is third-person, it's very in touch with Harry's thoughts and feelings, and here I think you distanced the narration.

Remember that this is the end of the greatest war in wizarding history, and that many people have just died; Harry and the others are going to need some time to recover. Harry is still going to be battling some inner demons, and he will be all his life. I also think it highly unlikely that Ron and Hermione would become engaged so quickly after the deaths of Remus, Tonks, and especially Fred. I also want to know, what's George like now, with his twin gone? How is Professor McGonagall handling things? What's Percy like?

In terms of fanfiction here...I think some things are better left unsaid. I think JKR ended the book at a good point; to drag it out too much longer after victory would have been boring and would have really taken away from the strong feelings and clash of emotions at the end. It's interesting to explore what might have happened after Harry left the headmaster's office, but it feels like too much icing on the cake. :wink:

-Colleen
"My pet, I've been to the devil, and he's a very dull fellow. I won't go there again, even for you..."



If I seem to wander, if I seem to stray, remember that true stories seldom take the straightest way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind