it doesn't seem to have a plot, like a real story. i think your style of writing is still OK, but you need to use a wider range of emotions. Basically, I think is quite good. Keep up the work!
'follow the notes upon a journey,
at first sight marks one's destiny.
when the voyage comes to an end,
return lies within hasty keys.'
just one thing more to say...
when do we get more?
“We’re still here,” he says, his voice cold, his hands shaking. “We know how to be invisible, how to play dead. But at the end of the day, we are still here.” ~Dax
Teacher: "What do we do with adjectives in Spanish?"
S: "We eat them!"
This would be a pretty good piece. You just need to get more descriptive words and get rid of all the grammer mistakes and voila! You suddenly have the next Harry Potter
"I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom."
--Mel Brooks
I liked this very much, but i do not like the use of "Rosie" repeatedly in the beginning few paragraphs. The plot was original, but not bad in the way you described it, and i really can't wait to read more.
I thought that was excellent..i loved how Albus seemed to calm about draco's son, and i thought the description of rose was really thoughful:), Are you going to continue with it?
Hi,
Reading this made me feel sad, since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was the last book. No offense but I hate when people write other endings for stories. I do agree though that J.K didn't write a enough for the ending though. i think the reason being so other people can write endings but it makes me upset because we don't know what J.K would have written. Also a point on this...
“Cousin! There you are!” Albus exclaimed entering the cabin
I think it's kind of weird how he said "Cousin" instead of just saying her name. Not many people do that, and I'm sorry if that offends you, but this is just my personal view
Err.
I'm not sure about this.
Whr's it going?
Careful, you repeat yourself.
And..
Rosie wouldn't show her magic to muggles, so she wouldnt be unaccpted for that reason..??
heythere, this is the first time that i am seeing your work cause i am new. i love harry potter and doing this story with the epilogue was brilliant. please write what else happens. look for these though :
- firstly, scorpio is scorpious
- secondly, no offense but this chapter seems unfinished and toooo short to be a chapter.
- thirdly now, is supposed to be know
a few other mistakes but since you were writing it in the class you may have felt distracted. anyway keep writing i want to see where this story goes.
## My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations ##
