Don't Panic

Emerson · 2007-07-16T17:16:44Z

I wrote this for a YWS contest, Dream_Deep forced me to post it... *rolls eyes* It's the first thing I've done in first person, I thought it would work better than way. Oh, and yes, this pretty much is true. Everything happened, although I moved some stuff around and mixed up events. I don't remember everything in a straight line. It's all mixed together in my head, so yeah. --- Don't Panic By Claudette I vacuum as a way to keep myself busy. I think that if I clean the house enough, then maybe it will stop. Instead, I can’t stop cleaning. The vacuum growls like a monster from under a child’s bed as I push it across the floor. You’re not crazy. No. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You are OK . The growling isn’t loud enough. I can still think. I shut the vacuum off and sit on the couch. For a few minutes I stare at my hands and pretend that I’m not there. “Oh God,” I whisper. I can’t breath. I choke on air. I take a deep breath, then another. And another. “No, no no no no no.” I hold my breath – but that doesn’t help. I give in and curl up on the sofa, breathing as fast as my lungs will let me. At least I'm lying down, that way if I lose consciousness I won’t have far to go. The way our ceiling tilts, the lines in the center of the room look so odd. The shadows are cast in strange ways. I stare up at them while millions of things pass through my head. You’re going crazy. No, I’m not. You can’t sleep. What is wrong with you? What if you go to school like this. No, you can’t go to school. Everyone will see you and what will they say? What will they think about you? No, you don’t want to go to school. You can’t let them see you. You can’t let anyone see you like this. It is too much for me to control and I start crying. But I’m not crying, that’s a lie. I’m having an attack. A panic attack again. No one else is home. I roll over a little – whining aloud and whispering, “Not now,” in that horrible sob voice – and look at the phone. I think about calling my father, but decide not to. I still can’t breath. This has happened to me so many times but I still can’t breath. And will they give me medication? Or am I crazy? Can I go to the hospital? Please I want to go to the hospital and I want to be locked up in the nut house. I think about last night. I was crazy last night, but I’m crazy now, too. We went out to eat at Applebees. The food was so good, but food always tastes good when you haven’t eaten in a long time. I swore the guy at the other table was staring at me. He was asking himself, “Why won’t that girl sit still? Why does she look so paranoid? I think she’s crazy, something is wrong with her.” His looks made me sick, and I had to stop eating. He was watching me eat. Finally, I hear the door open. “Suzanne, are you okay?” I don’t move, I just lie on the couch huffing and puffing like my dog just died in front of me. I hear him run upstairs, and he sits next to me. Daddy, I love you so much. “Dad…Please, help me. Please, make it stop. Please! I can’t stop thinking, dad. I just can’t stay still. I don’t want this any more. I can’t do anything, I can’t! I can’t do anything anymore I can’t think I don’t want to leave the house and if I go to school I’ll – ” He shushes me, and looks like he might cry too. I still can’t breath, and I’m clutching onto his T-shirt sleeves like he’ll fall away and I’ll never see him again. He kisses my forehead gently, in his loving way and whispers, “It’ll be okay, I promise. Everything will be okay. Do you want a hug?”

Loose

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Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:10 am

Loose says... · Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:10 am

Suz! **Hugs**

I'm so glad there are other people like me.

I love your piece, its like... my life in a nutshell.

Isn't GAD just the best? [/sarcasm]

**Hugs Suz Again**

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order

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Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:32 pm

order says... · Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:32 pm

Wow, this is awesome. I really can't think of anything that needs fixing. I've been going around and trying to repay everyone that has critiqued my work but this was awesome. I'll try the next thing you write.

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Teague

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:56 pm

Teague says... · Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:56 pm

*invades* Muahahaha.

I vacuum as a way to keep myself busy. I think that if I clean the house enough, then maybe it will stop. Instead, I can’t stop cleaning.

Ooh, irony. Me gusta.

I can’t breath.

I still can’t breath.

Breathe*

At least I'm lying down, that way if I lose consciousness I won’t have far to go.

This feels more like it should be a hyphen instead of a comma after "lying down."

Aww! This is true? *huggles tightly* I'm sorry you had to go through that!

On another note, this piece is very well-written. Short, sweet, and to the point. Very powerful, yet very simple. You do a great job of making the reader connect to the character (aka you =P) and really feeling a sense of mounting tension during the heat of the panic attack.

Hm... ramble ramble filler ramble... I was going to say something else but I totally can't remember what it is. Great job, though! I really like it, and I really like you! Although I hate your stupid contest. It's ruining my life. =P

Number 35 packed and sealed with a kiss! =P

-:pirate3:

"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber

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deleted2

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Sat May 31, 2008 9:36 am

deleted2 says... · Sat May 31, 2008 9:36 am

Heya

This was really well-written, you've displayed the emotions and feelings perfectly without getting redundant. Great job. I think the other people pointed out the only nit-picks I saw as well, such as the "breath" and "breathe" thing.

I hope you don't get panic attacks often :/

XxxDo

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