Speedy

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Yeah, I was bored last night. So I got to wondering what my hamster thinks in his little head. And this is what I came up with. (Btw, "IT" refers to me)

----

There IT was again.

That hideous monster. Not even awake for five minutes, and IT was already watching me. I froze, watching IT carefully. Was it safe to move? Was IT going to attack me? Only time would tell.

I tried to act casual, always keeping a wary eye on IT. I dug through my bedding, searching for my food cache. Stuffing some in my pouch, I slid down my tunnel.

I froze. IT had come closer. IT was near my territory. IT never learned. This was my territory, not ITs.

I watched IT for a while, and IT did not move. Feeling safer, I made my way over to my food bowl. Watching IT with extreme caution, I stuffed more food into my pouches and carried it to the big blue thing. I like the big blue thing. It lets me run to my heart's content. It's where I've taken to storing my food and eating it, so that IT doesn't get to it. IT frequently takes my food bowl away, so I have to have some supply stacked up.

Breakfast was over. IT was still watching me, a funny looking stick in its hand. IT had that funny stick a lot. Sometimes IT stuck it into my territory, where I would attack it and bite it until IT withdrew it. IT didn't seem interested in me then. IT was scribbling the funny stick on a weird white thing, glancing at me every now and again.

IT was weird.

I withdrew back into my den for some housekeeping. I noticed IT was missing a short while later. It had finally left! I was free to reign over MY territory. Scrambling back down my tunnel before IT came back, I saw the one thing I had always dreamed of: the gate was OPEN.

I could finally escape from IT.

Cautiously, I made my way over, in case IT was hiding somewhere. I stood half on the gate, sniffing the air. ITs scent was strong. I went with as much caution as I could, paw over paw, bar over bar.

I had done it. I was free, and IT was nowhere to be found.

I began to explore my new surroundings. The smooth wood, the funny stick (it didn't do much without IT around), a funny round thing, and-

I stood on the edge, staring over the edge of a massive cliff. I was amazed. I hung my head over the side, sniffing the air. I pushed with my front paws to get my head over as far as possible. The drop was breathtaking. I was terrified of it.

As I tried to retreat, my back paws slipped. My front paws gave out, and I let out a squeak as I started tumbling.

"Gotcha!" came that un-hamster roar. I landed hard on IT, on those things IT uses to grab me violently. IT lifted me up to ITs eyes, banging on my back.

"That would have been one nasty spill for you, Speedy-bug," IT roared.

I didn't understand what IT was roaring, but I did understand that I was still way too high up. I started crawling on IT to find a way down safely.

IT stuffed me back inside MY territory and closed up the gate. Defeated, I took a drink of water from the other blue thing. IT sat down near MY territory again.

IT would never learn.

In a last, halfhearted attempt to escape, I began gnawing on the bars of my territory. I knew I would never chew through them. But it was all I had.

Plus, it gets my teeth ready for the day I overthrow IT.

----

Yeah, random and pointless. :lol:
And yes, I call my hamster Speedy-bug.

Edit: Btw, on the dialogue, Speedy's repeating the syllables he hears, like how a dog recognises its name by the specific sound pattern. It just so happens we can understand it.
Last edited by Teague on Sat May 05, 2007 9:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber




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Lol, I came to YWS only to check one post, and that I see… this. Just had to read it. :D :D


Quote:
This was MY territory, not its.
‘Its’ capitals?

Quote:
Feeling safer, I made my cautious way over to my food bowl.
Next sentence also had ‘caution’ in it. Nitpickiness, yeah, but still.

Quote:
It had finally left!
Capitals.

Quote:
I could finally escape IT.
That ‘IT’ in capitals?

Quote:
The drop was amazing.
You have ‘amaze’ a bit up.



WOW, lol. What originality. That was awesome :D I do have, though, a few comments:

-> The dialogue. Would the hamster understand it? It says it can’t, but we do. And it’s from the hamster’s point of view.

Well, comment. No time now. But, that was very good :D :D :D


-Elein




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This was MY territory, not its.

Normally you have IT capatalized, to avoid having two capatalized words in one sentece, try this:
This was my territory, not IT's.

haha, that was funny. I too have a hampster...I don't think he likes me much. Anyways, yeah...haha. I love being in the mind of a hampster, it's awesome!!!!

I like how you made everything the way a hampster would think, very throughly.

I'm guessing your hampsters name is speedy...mine has been gifted with the longest name in hampster history...hehe.

Anyways, good job, tell Speedy I said it's not nice to overthrow IT. =D

-JC
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett




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JCobsesed wrote:
This was MY territory, not its.

Normally you have IT capatalized, to avoid having two capatalized words in one sentece, try this:
This was my territory, not IT's.

haha, that was funny. I too have a hampster...I don't think he likes me much. Anyways, yeah...haha. I love being in the mind of a hampster, it's awesome!!!!

I like how you made everything the way a hampster would think, very throughly.

I'm guessing your hampsters name is speedy...mine has been gifted with the longest name in hampster history...hehe.

Anyways, good job, tell Speedy I said it's not nice to overthrow IT. =D

-JC

Well, that particular "its" was possesive. But I guess you're right. *shrug*
Haha, glad you liked it, and I'll tell him when he wakes up. :D

eleinasari wrote:Lol, I came to YWS only to check one post, and that I see… this. Just had to read it. :D :D


Quote:
This was MY territory, not its.
‘Its’ capitals?

Quote:
Feeling safer, I made my cautious way over to my food bowl.
Next sentence also had ‘caution’ in it. Nitpickiness, yeah, but still.

Quote:
It had finally left!
Capitals.

Quote:
I could finally escape IT.
That ‘IT’ in capitals?

Quote:
The drop was amazing.
You have ‘amaze’ a bit up.

-Elein


I couldn't decide on that one. Glad I picked the wrong answer! Lol.

Yeah, it was late and my brain couldn't think of a synonym. xD

Oops. =X

Yeah, the IT in that one is referring to me. He could escape from me.

Quick question: Huh?

Glad you liked it! :D Lol.
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber




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This is Great!

I think it could actually be made into a good short story too.

Hope you write more on this. You're writing is easy to understand, and is nice and descriptive without overloading description.

:)




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Hehehe, this was fun. :D

Just a small suggestion... instead of calling it "IT" maybe you can treat it as a name and calling it "It."

...that had too many its in it. O_o

Anyway! Nice sory. :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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RatchetWriter wrote:This is Great!

I think it could actually be made into a good short story too.

Hope you write more on this. You're writing is easy to understand, and is nice and descriptive without overloading description.

:)

Haha, wow, that confused me. =D
Glad you liked it though.

And Snoink, I used "IT" in capitals for effect. :)
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber




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Very good. It'll make a great story. Loved the wording and description. Write more! :)
Ohhhhhhh YEAH!!!!!!



We think in generalities, but we live in details.
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