Please tell me you've read the Calvin and Hobbes comic.
Perfect. I love it.
One thing: ""Heaven's, no!"" should be "Heavens, no!". Or else it is, "Heaven is, no!" Thanks for making me laugh.
~Sumi
Last edited by Sumi H. Inkblot on Sat Sep 08, 2007 10:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You might consider trying to publish this in a children's literary magazine something. It's good!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
If you have been jumping around and checking out other, past critiques done by both snoink and I, you'd see how 'lavishly' we deal out praise...you really have a good piece here. I'm very impressed.
Lol. This was great, very funny. I think the second line needs another syllabyl. Maybe choose an adjective with two syllabyls, and say "(adjective) monsters lurk under my bed."
I love the couplets, they were skillfully done, and helped with the pace and the tone.
I'm not sure about "You're frightening all of us out of our hair." It sounded a little forced.
Maybe say "save for" instead of "aside from" as it flows better.
This was a lovely story, and the couplets were a great touch. You developed it very well, and I loved the ending.
"Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise." -Maya Angelou
I'm no poet, but I enjoy reading it sometimes. I'm new and this is the first poem I have read here but I have to say...It's really good. It made me chuckle and I needed that today. Thank you for that.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein
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