Ha, this is actually really good and it made me laugh, super loads. I like how you make the verses jump from one to the other, quite abruptly, but this works well with this piece and makes me want to ask, will there be more on a different kind of childish structure?
I found that when I hit the sixth and seventh set of lines though, the flow was hard to grab onto and it seemed forced. Maybe this is just because I am reading it all wrong, but just read it back to yourself to make sure.
Other than that, I really liked this and in the future, it might be the kind of thing I'd find in books to read to my own children. =]
I also write poems like these, check out my Hidden and Playtime poems, which are simple and childish, the kind you'd find in children's reading books.
