Dolor

I see this poem in two ways. One, it's about someone who was contemplating suicide, but then started thinking about all the things he has to live for. Or two, he is rejecting death. I could be wrong either way of course.

It's very good. The stanzas flow together well, and the imagery is kept simple, but elegant. It's bare bones, but anything else would make it seem gaudy and trite. Well done.

Hey Bradums,

(Look who is actually attempting to critique something.)

I adore S1, especially the imagery of linen birds. My mother and I used to take napkins and fold them into origami cranes.

In S2, as well, the imagery is very strong. I have this image of a abandoned house with sheets draped over everything; dusty and dank. The diction is also very beautiful and precise. I really like the use of 'easy feet'. SWEET.

In S3 my like of the preposition Because starts to wane. I almost wish it wasn't there. But, then I read it again and I want it to stay.

I love the imagery in S4, but the brevity and the use of Because throws me off.

In S5 the syntax seems horridly off. I had to read it twice to get it to flow. Maybe you could pare away at it, make it more clear. Use more apt diction for the description.

S6 & S7, I love, but almost wish they composed one stanza on their own.

The title fits well and good, and it the end I really enjoy the feel I get from this poem. It's very soft, and sort of enters you, and you don't know where the feeling goes but you want more.

Hope this helps, dahling.
Cal.

Wow, I want to give critique for this but I can't really find anything to critique so I'm just going to have to say, nice job and keep it up.

This was really nice Bradness. I always love reading your poetry. One question though: It sounds like your narrator is getting ready to have someone over for dinner, for the first time. Am I right about that or did I totally miss the meaning? lol.

1.Because death doesn't stagger. It walks
with easy feet under sheets
that hang over mirrors.

*This was my favorite line I thing, because it matches perfectly with the ghost in the empty room comment.

Also, I really like how every stanza starts with "Because". It's something I didn't think would really work, but only after I actually noticed that they were there at about the second stanza. But yet again, after I read through, it really complimented the whole thing. You were almost in a way explaining what the poem meant while also making your readers think. Great job!

Keep at it!
~Rieda

Brad:

I liked that I could ask the question "Why?" between each stanza and get a response, and laced with gorgeous images at that. The "because" idea is ingenius.

However, the poem as a whole fell flat. The third stanza was out of place, amid the "dining room imagery." I was disappointed that your final stanza did not provide a concrete answer to my untimate question. More could have been done to convey meaning -- the poem left me confused, and wanting.

Lyndsey

The third stanza really doesn't do anything for the poem and it seems much too angsty for my tastes. You have rich visual imagery and then a random thought. I guess it's okay in its own special way, but I think it detracts from the ending and makes it lose a little of it's punch.

The last two stanzas, alone and separate, really don't stand on their own as the rest of the poem.

I like the imagery and the theme, but you've done much better.

The beginning completely intrigued me, because starting in the middle of a sentence is hot...and the phrasing of that first stanza was spot-on. Sparse and effective.

Second stanza started out promising, but I'd replace 'under' with 'behind', because 'under' creates a sort of confusing spatial image...instead of imagining someone walking behind the sheet you imagine someone walking below it.

Third- haven't I seen this stanza in your poems before...like in ALL of your poems?

Fourth- good

Fifth- I could take it or leave it.

Final- It works.