The Devil's Eyes

THE DEVIL'S EYES

The man looked up uncertainly at God
and said,
"I'm sure you're getting too many sixes."

Lol. Not much there to criticise. The rhythym is nice, no grammar or spelling mistakes. It was very funny.

Hahaha... I don't get it. Which means that most likely, since it's short, I'll be thinking about it for the rest of the day to find the meaning of this. When I have a conclusive answer, I shall respond again!

I've been thinking about the meaning of this for a little while, and I'm guessing the idea of having too many sixes relates back to both the number of the beast (666), and the idea that 'God doesn't play with dice'.

Of course, I may be completely wrong...

Oh darlin', you're just too good.

OH! Okay. Haha. YAHTZEE!

lol, I guess that since I get it now that's pretty clever!

-Rieda

There's a great quote that says "Einstein would turn over in his grave; not only does God play dice, the dice are loaded!"

That was the inspiration, pretty much.

I um... yeah. Oh, the irony! It burns!

I love it. And it's ironic. And basically awesome. So I'll go be incoherent elsewhere.

Haha. [:

backgroundbob wrote:There's a great quote that says "Einstein would turn over in his grave; not only does God play dice, the dice are loaded!"

That was the inspiration, pretty much.

And you managed to write a poem that was shorter than the quote you were inspired by. I say that is genius!

In an attempt to critique something...

The man looked up uncertainly at God

That felt...off. Looked up uncertainly. I don't like the word uncertainly. Perhaps just "The man looked up at God..." Hmm, but then you don't have the part about him being uncertain. You could put "uncertainly" after "said" in the second line, or phrase this one, "The man looked up at God, uncertain..."
*stupid attempt to critique something*

*hugs this poem* It is cute and funny and cynical and ironic all in one bite-size bundle!
Colleen

backgroundbob is just so clever.

i didn't like that "and said," was its own line -- but what do i know?

You know plenty, dearie, so hauld yer wheesht!

That felt...off. Looked up uncertainly. I don't like the word uncertainly.

Well that is probably the most meaningful word in the poem (given its subject!) so removing it might not be good.

However, I'll take the other thoughts into consideration when I'm working this one out.

Cheers, all!

Nice, thight, awesome

Totally backgroungbob, as much as we expect from you

Cheerios, Chandni

backgroundbob wrote:

That felt...off. Looked up uncertainly. I don't like the word uncertainly.

Well that is probably the most meaningful word in the poem (given its subject!) so removing it might not be good.

Yeah, I know that it's important. I think what made it feel "off" was the placement. It's a superb poem wherever the word is placed!

Colleen