Undefinition

Green lights or red lamps,
lava or black apples --
473 ways to look pretty and
the taste of fresh fiction
on your tongue.

Happiness whirs on a color wheel,
we splatter lime passions and
budding lemons down our front as we
attempt to guzzle fact and fantasy,
drinking brain cancer from a tin can
and toasting cherries that freckle our
blushing cheeks, that burst and bloom
in between the pearls of my skin.
You run through the hallways of my
Roman mind, clad in alabaster stone,
and paintbrush patterns wild,
flaxen and paris, littered with Romanian letters
and word disassociation.

Two hands on a Rubik’s cube,
one hazel and the other almond.
Pharaoh of the Nile and Queen Amazon
collide in a delta of
rainbows, xylophones and
thought . new age . refined

Happiness whirs on a color wheel,
we splatter lime passions and
budding lemons down our front as we
attempt to guzzle fact and fantasy,
drinking brain cancer from a tin can
and toasting cherries that freckle our
blushing cheeks, that burst and bloom
in between the pearls of my skin.

This run on is far to long, and makes it hard to read.

lava or black apples --

should -- be — ? (you can create it by typing ALT+0151)

thought . new age . refined

what is the point of the punctuation here?

I didn't really like it, probably because I can never fully grasp poetry like this. The idea seemed somewhat wandering, I couldn't fully get what the main idea, or point, of the poem was. What am I supposed to take away from this?

drinking brain cancer from a tin can

I liked this line, I can say.

flaxen and paris, littered with Romanian letters

Should Paris be Capitalized?

I'm curious to why you punctuated the last line as you did, as I already mentioned. Is there meaning behind it?

This entire poem is sexual reference. Take what you can from the periods. They were also meant to add a state of jolting action, as the run on was similarily meant to give the reader an out of breath feeling, much like a climax.

bonafide wrote:This entire poem is sexual reference.

Instead of explaining your poem in a response, try putting it actually in the poem. I have no idea how this is about sex. Sure, if someone told me so, I could say, "Yes, I could see that," but when I read it, I saw a speaker, a subject, and a bunch of typical poetic stuff. It could translate to love or simply being acting really pretentious and being caffeine-high late at night with a close friend. It's well-written, sure, and the phrases are beautiful, but it's a lot like the stuff I get every day from The Writer's Almanac, except yours is more cryptic.
I kind of liked the periods, as something different. It was like the little spice of "experimental" poetry in there.
I would like to take something from this, but I couldn't. Again, some of the phrases are enchanting, but you may have taken too many pains to make them that way. I'm guessing that some are rather irrelevant. Remove them.

Colleen

*golf clap* I love it! I can completely see and feel what's going on. The punctuation at the end give it that jerking hesitation. Keep up the groovy work!
~Six

I loved it. It sounds so different from most other poems I read. I get the sexual reference thing, but I think it could be interpreted a lot of different ways, which I think is a good thing. Bravo.

I really liked this poem. It was so different...so enchanting. I can't beleive all the negativity it received from other users. I LOVED it. It was unique and absolutely fun to read. Very, very well written. Please write more!

Not much to say here, as it's all been said before

but one thing:

flaxen and paris, littered with Romanian letters

Romanian? isn't it supposed to be Roman? I'm not sure though

that's all

Cheerios, Chandni

Chandni makes an excellent point. Rome and Romania are hardly the same thing.

I know... I like Romanian. It's a pretty language. A Romance language, to be precise.

Though Roman is even more of a romance language...anyway, getting distracted. I get the whole sexual reference thing, and it does sort of radiate that subtley... like the tempo of the poem suggests it, and the random phrases drawn from nowhere, and it develops into a climax well (the puncuation in the last line really rounds it off nicely). But. It was wordy, random, self-centered; it had a lot of character, but the nature of the poem scattered the focus from a single topic; the endless phrases made it nearly impossible to read unless I read it super-fast, and then I felt like I was missing something. I guess I can't decide whether I like it or not. There's nothing really I can suggest to change - it's alone in its style, and is something already, if not a poem I like. Hmm. I'll have to think on this one.