The problem is- part one PLEASE CRITIQUE THIS.

This is the start of a hopefully entertaining story. First off please dont anyone get offended by what the character says. Secondly there are some words in there that might just be British slang such as chav. If you cant understand it please say so in your critique. Chav means a sort of hooligan Fag is slang for cigarettes

I sat strumming my fingers against the arm of the seat, staring at the back of the chair in front think how much I detested planes. Who wants horrible material itching you for twelve hours as you fly to a foreign country were they stare at you in confusion every time you ask for a tea. Not that we were going to a foreign country, we were flying home from San Francisco. A four-week holiday that had started badly, carried on in the same vain and ended in a complete disaster. Five thousand miles driving, and for what, to see an obese Middle East bombing nation of morons? To be honest I’d rather be at home sitting on my arse and eating a bag of crisps, or as the Americans would say, eating a bag of potato chips. Let it never be said that I don’t recognize other cultures.

We landed an hour late on the runway. It was of course bumpy so bumpy that a baby disposed of some waste in her nappy. We then got stuck on the plane for half an hour because the one door, it was a cheap plane, stopped opening. God does nothing work thease days As an apology the plane gave us a MacDonald’s voucher. I know, you could tell they were American, fucking McDonald vouchers. When I bit into my Big Mac it had the unfortunate taste of baby shit.

It took us 3 hours to get home. Gale force winds had blown trees across most of the roads. What the hell are the government trying to prove by planting trees next to motorways. The people of Britain aren’t going to be fooled to thinking that there diving down a country lane, by a couple of trees. Anyway it took 3 hours to get home and the whole time we were stuck behind a truck that most have been carrying cow dung or maybe it was just that fucking baby again. I suppose it doesn’t really matter for three hours I was stuck in a car with the smell of shit in my nostrils. When we got home I went straight upstairs, grabbed my fags, shouted my goodbyes to the rest of the family and got outside. I walked round the corner to a muddy field and got out the box of ciggies. I don’t want you running away with any ideas about me being some sort of dirty chav smoker. I liked cigars normally, but I am at least self aware enough to admit I’m addicted. I’m also doing something about it. I’ve got back up cigs in case I run out of cigars. Anyway so I’m in this muddy field with a ciggie in my mouth and the cold freezing my bollocks. Oh sorry did I not mention it was cold. Well it was, it was freezing. It was night so it would be freezing, we very rarely have warm nights in Manchester, in fact we rarely have warm anything.

So there I was learning against a fence getting dirty looks from any old person going past me, there are more than you would think, maybe there was a conservative convention going on, when this guy came of the path and asked me for a cig. My first thought was what a fucking dickhead. But he smiled hopefully and I handed one over. He took it and said thanks. I got out my lighter and lit it for him.
“A bit young for smoking aren’t you.” He asked. The fucking cheek of it.
“Your'e not much older.” I retorted.
“I guess not.” He smiled, said thanks and walked off. Still smoking MY cig.

Um...I am unsure what the plot is or where this story is going! Also, is the language neccesary? Just wondering.

"I sat strumming my fingers against the arm of the chair. Staring at the back of the chair in front I thought of how much I detested planes."
Just use on "chair". Try this: "I sat strumming my fingers against the arm of my seat. Staring at the back of the chair in front of me, I thought of how much I detested planes." Also, don't forget the comma, and it sounds better if you add "me".

"The horrible material itching you for twelve hours as you fly to a foreign country were they stare at you in confusion every time you ask for a tea."
I have no idea what you are trying to even say with this sentence!

"Not that we were going to a foreign country, we were flying home from San Francisco"
Make this two sentences.

"Five thousand miles driving, and for what, to see an obese middle east bombing nation of morons."
End sentence at what with "?" and "middle east" is capitolized. Another ? after the "morons"

"It was of course bumpy so bumpy that a baby disposed of some waste in her nappy."
End sentence after first "bumpy"

"We then got stuck on the plane for half an hour because the one door, it was a cheap plane, got stuck."
You use "stuck" twice. Think of a different word for one of them. Maybe, jammed, etc. Also, "It was a cheap plane," doesn't fit here. If you make it its own sentence, the sentence before it will flow much better.

"As an apology the plane gave us a MacDonald’s voucher"
Comma after apology

"I know, you could tell they were American."
How? You did not explain how you could tell they were American.

"What the hell are the government trying to prove by planting trees next to motorways."
? mark instead of . or ! instead of ..

"The people of Britain aren’t going to be fooled to thinking that there diving down a country lane, by a couple of trees."
Into instead of to, they're instead of there, and you don't need the comma.

"Anyway it took 3 hours to get home"
Comma after anyway, and spell out "3"

"I suppose it doesn’t really matter for three hours I was stuck in a car with the smell of shit in my nostrils."
Period after matter.

"When we got home I went straight upstairs and grabbed my fags. Shouted my goodbyes to the rest of the family and got outside."
Combine these sentences. Like: "When we got home, I went straight upstairs, grabbed my fags, shouted my goodbyes to the rest of the family, and went outside."
If you still keep it as one sentence, comma after home, went instead of got. And explain what fag is. This American is totally lost!

"It was night so it would be freezing, we very rarely have warm nights in Manchester, in fact we rarely have warm anything."
Comma after night, period after freezing, period after Manchester, and ! after anything.

"So there I was learning against a fence getting dirty looks from any old person going past me, there are more than you would think, maybe there was a conservative convention going on, when this guy came of the path and asked me for a cig."
First, leaning instead of learning. Second, put in comments slows down the action. ANd, do we really need to know how many old people there were? Try this: "So there I was, leaning against a fence, getting dirty looks from any old person going past me, when this guy comes walking off the path and asked me for a cig."
Two more things. One, comma after fence, and two, off instead of of.

"“Your not much older.”"
You're instead of your

This is confusing. I don't know where your going or where you've come from! Establish a plot (somewhat) for your reader in the very biginning. So...work on it. That is the hardest part of any writing: editing. *Cringes*. Keep working and you'll get it. Don't worry. Practice makes perfect! Writergirl

I have to say, this story was a bit dull. Why? Because as far as I can see, there is no plot. Why should the reader care if the British fellow was on a plane and returning home? Why should the reader care about the character at all? Why is he (assuming the person's a he) so important to the story and specifically what is the role of the character in the plot?

I think if you work on the answers to these questions you'll find that your character will become more visable, stronger and appealing. In a word, he will be a real person, and not just a "paper cut out" which has no life. Paper is obviously not alive, as this character is. Now, by answering those questions, you'll have a seedling. By careful watering, tending too, and plucking the occasional weed, you'll eventually end up with a good and healthy tree or in other words, a developed character. Most writers don't realize it, but a character IS a seedling. and if that seed is neglected for too long, it eventually dies. A character is no different.

So, treat this character as a seed, and by nutering him, you'll have a sturdy and a developed character, that like the rest of us, will haunt you night and day, lol.

Good luck.

Well...to be honest, I didn't read the whole thing. First of all, the first sentence is a big turn off. It doesn't draw the reader in and it makes NO SENSE! From what I read there were several puncutation errors, such as commas and the like. I didn't like the language used (swearing). Even if this story made some sense, I don't think I would read it. It sounds "punkish", and I am not a big fan of punks (no offence to you). This needs a lot of work, especially in the overall idea of the story. Do you mean to continue this story? Or is this just a random thought? It's just an awkward piece.

I'm no punk. It wasn't really meant to be a story i was using it to create a chracter and wanted to hear what people thought of him. For instance if he was entertaining or just and annoying teenager. I agree however that the peice needs alot of work