John Smith

Emerson · 2007-01-06T23:28:57Z

First, I'd like to thank my Father for the idea to do this. Second, I would like to thank everyone who calmed me down yesterday/today, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to calm down enough to write. I haven't gone over it and looked at anything, I don't think I'm in much of a critiquing state. But any comments are greatly appreciated, though nothing may happen to this in a while. Think of it as a short burst of distraction for me. ---------- John Smith Disclamer: I don't know anything about the process of Name Change yet, I scanned a little information. If someone would like to inform me better, it would be lovely. A plain man sat in the Court House, waiting for his name to be called. I say plain, because there was nothing surprising about this man. If you saw John Smith (the normal man I speak of) in a crowd, you would not want to know where he worked, who he married or what he had done with his life. It did not matter to you or to anyone else. He looked like a Joe Smoe or a John Doe, though the normality of “John Smith” fit him just as well. The only strange thing about John today was that he wanted to change his name. The other odd thing was the spoon he held. It was a spoon, yes; but why the spoon? No one else had spoons, in fact of the five or so other occupants of chairs (Maybe drug users or ex-convicts if you will) held in their hands papers and forms and the occasional bible but no spoons. The room didn’t even present the option of spoons, with signs like “No Food or Drink,” and the receptionist behind her desk who looked like she was pensively chewing gum and pushing papers, it was better to leave the spoons at home. Unless of course, you were going to use it to threaten said receptionist into stopping the awful chewing noises she continued to make, but even then a spoon would not be your best choice. It was not long before John Smith was called back, spoon being carried as if it was a prized position. Seated in the court of law, he began to explain his name changing wish. “What would you like your name to be, John Smith?” He held up the spoon with a graceful lift. “This,” John said, hoping the judge’s eyes would wonder down to what he held. “Spoon?” He shook his head and again showed them the spoon, “No, this.” “Yes, spoon?” “No, not ‘spoon’ the name, ‘spoon’ the object.” The judge coughed, showing signs of nervous confusion. “I’m not sure I catch your drift.” John lowered the spoon and sighed heavily as though this was an explanation he had made many times. “You see the spoon I’m holding? I want my name to be that. But not the word ‘spoon’ or the name ‘spoon’ but the actually object.” “But you can’t say objects.” “Yes, I know.” “But…Aren’t names for saying? What will they call you?” “I’ve thought on this one,” John said proudly, as if it meant something finally, “The man formally known as ‘John Smith’.” The judge seemed to be cursing, but the words did not leave his mouth. “So, the object, ‘spoon’ is your name?” “Yes. Get it?” John smiled brightly “Well yes but—are you sure?” He nodded, “More sure about this than anything else.” “What should we write on the documents?” the Judge asked hesitantly. “Spoon? The Man Formally Known as John Smith? What ever you like.” “I mean…It is an object.” The Documents were signed as, “Spoon (object)” and John Smith was no longer John Smith. One may think that the normalcy following the man formally known as John Smith might have faded, but one would never know. His looks did not change; his personality neither. He did not marry someone else, or get a new job. In fact, if it has not been for his name, John would still be the same person. The only change was that, when out at clubs, which the man formally known as John did not do much to begin with, girls struggled to get a grip around his name and denied his request for digits. But, thinking back, that wasn’t much of a change at all.

writergirl007

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Tue Jan 09, 2007 12:33 am

writergirl007 says... · Tue Jan 09, 2007 12:33 am

I thought it was funny. But, it was a little strange. Good though. I just scanned it. Maybe I'll read it again when I have more time. Sir Writergirl.

"It is better to save than to destroy, and that justice is most righteous which is tempered by mercy." Mark Twain

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Emerson

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Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:14 pm

Emerson says... · Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:14 pm

You're mixing first, second, and third person points-of-view, and that technique generally doesn't work well.

I'd have to say, I don't care :-D

Thank you for all the comments though! I'm sure the POVs work themselves out, and it makes sense to the reader.

Seeing as I don't care for this piece much, I have no heart attached to it, I'll get around to the grammar fixes slowly and surely. I'm dying to work on my novel; but I sit and do nothing. So someone should really push me to work on that instead of these stupid, little things.

“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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falling in love

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Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:17 pm

falling in love says... · Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:17 pm

I would enjoy reading more of this kind of stuff.

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Misty

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Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:58 pm

Misty says... · Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:58 pm

Funnnnyyyyy
sorry , that isn't helpful, but this was hilarious!

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theron guard

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Fri May 18, 2007 7:34 pm

theron guard says... · Fri May 18, 2007 7:34 pm

Funny, Confusing, I love that stuff! :lol:

Very good story. The names got a little mixed up, but it was very enjoyable

Ohhhhhhh YEAH!!!!!!

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Leja

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Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:44 pm

Leja says... · Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:44 pm

Claudette wrote:The room didn’t even present the option of spoons, with signs like “No Food or Drink,” and the receptionist behind her desk who looked like she was pensively chewing gum and pushing papers, _____? it was better to leave the spoons at home.

I think you changed topic halfway through this sentence?

Other than that? Can't stop laughing ^_^ In addition to the Prince reference, it is vaugely similar to something Dane Cook said where he says he wants to name his child [insert someone rolling their tongue in Spanish fasion] or something of the like (or so my friends tell me.

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stilltyping

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Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:45 am

stilltyping says... · Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:45 am

I enjoy the conversational tone of this. It works really well for the, uh, suject of the piece, and you were able to make it sound like you (the narrator) are amused by what is happening.

I think you should build up the character of the person John Smith is discussing his new name with. Like, describe their reactions more. It really seems like John is talking to a voice rather than a person.

I love the concept of changing your name to an object. I think the man formerly know as John Smith should introduce himself to the girls you speak of in the end by holding up the spoon, pointing to it and nodding.

Quite amusing.

///thanks.

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Emerson

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Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:55 am

Emerson says... · Fri Jul 13, 2007 2:55 am

Ah - People enjoy this ^_^ I'm glad.

You know Stilltyping, thank you for saying that. Maybe I will read over this and put some effort into cleaning it up and improving it. It's always fun cleaning up old things.

“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Teague

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 11:10 pm

Teague says... · Fri Feb 22, 2008 11:10 pm

*wiggles* Meep. I have no life. xD

He looked like a Joe Smoe

Joe Schmoe, perhaps?

...A spoon? *reads on*

“This,” John said, hoping the judge’s eyes would wonder down to what he held.

Judge's eyes would wander*, perhaps?

following the man formally known as John Smith

Formerly? I dunno if formally functions there. I could be wrong.

Hehe. This was delightfully quirky. Has the potential to be satirical, has the potential to be a humorous oneshot. I want to change my name to Spork (object) now. xD

Quirky stories amuse me. And my love/adoration for you has grown even more. ^^

Now, off to read but not critique that story you told me not to read and/or critique. =P

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