This was great. It had the passion of a strong poem, aka, your others. It had the history of a thinking poem with mystery as well, and it had a very clever rhyme to it. I love it yet again. And do NOT tell me to be harsh like everyone else has. Trust me when I like something I say it. When I hate something, I do more than say it. And I love this poem. Great Job!
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
I liked the whole thing! Because it rhymes, I picture a child telling this story, like when a four year old walks into the kitchen while company's there, and recites every swear word they know. Cute, but a bit scary as well. Bubblewrapped hit the nail on the head for anything that previously needed fixing; now I don't think you should change a thing!
i think its beautiful. i dont say that much perhaps because I can be harsh, but I simply wish that i written it myself. I felt both their pains without you having to explain it, you did wonderfully well to show and not tell and at the end I am left torn between them and intrigued whether or not he will kill himself.
Your poem had great rhythm and I could follow it easily and understnad what you were trying to say the whole way through it!
I'm probably just repeating what everyone else has said but I have to say it all over because I really did love your poem!
I'm really not good when it comes to grammar but as I read your poem I couldn't make out any clear grammar mistakes which is a great plus.
I especially loved the way you closed the poem. The last line fitted extremely well with the rest of the poem so that helped with the flow of it. The flow of your poem was also, obviously, amazing! It helped me read it with ease.
To be honest it feelt like I was actually in the poem and I love it when a poem or a story has that effect on me!
Everything seems to work so naturaly as well which in my opinion is the most important thing when writing a poem. Your rhythm, the flow, the atmosphere of the poem. Everything just seemed so perfect!
Overall I adored your poem. It was dramatic, effective and extremely well written. I love your writing style and I can't wait to read some more of your work!
