Invisable

To tell every one the truth
I hate put downs.
They shift their weight on you,
you feel like some thing more powerful
than you is pulling you down.
Some where you can't breathe.
You can't think.
All eyes are on you,
and no one will open up their arms for you.
You know that it's your last breath.
yes it hurts but you sink too slowly and you suffer

Comprehensable message and it flows rather nicely.

There are a few errors as far as spelling goes. But I'll leave those for SpellCheck to catch.

Everything makes great sense and is very real up until the last line. Something breaks here.

Yes it hurts but you sink too slowly and you suffer

You could possibly end it without this line or you could change the line entirely.

Or you can keep it. Up to you really.

As always,

Miss POKE

I don't agree with rosethorn. The last line is a perfect ending to it all. I also liked how you seemed to put your heart into the piece. thats what poetry is all about, at least to me. Keep writing.

"everyone"
"powerful"

your heart is in this, and it gives the poem an amazing quality.

I'm not sure about my feelings towards this poem.

It flowed well but I don't think I'd class it as a poem, and I don't know why. I think I'd just class it as a normal conversation...

Good work I guess, needs improvement though I think. Not too sure, oh my, I'm a giddy goat.

I really like this, and i like the point you are making (if that makes sence).

I know this has been said, but i would definetly type things on word or something and spell check it before you post something, as you have a couple of spelling mistakes.

To tell every one the truth

Everyone

You feel like some thing more power full

Powerful


I really liked the way it flows and i like the last line alot too.

Good work.

x