Breaking Bloom (Arc II- Aiden's melancholy)

Hah wasn’t there the meme that guys think of the Roman Empire every day? =D
Love the gif of the empire spreading but Oscar Wilde was the one that piqued my interest!
(Also you can always entrance me with flowing water)

Well then, Felix seems to have sorted out his feelings in that first stanza. Also a clever thing you did with the idiom of all roads lead to rome. Love how he equates Aiden with his home/Rome and, it works really well imo!

Verse 1 has a reference to eyes, huh? Guess it DOES build up on the previous song, as if they are having a long distance conversation. Or anticipating how the other feels atm.
And we have a reference to gravity too, something that can relate back to the celestial bodies from even earlier poems!
Aww did he have to call Aiden little tho? XD

You're the reason I soar this high

Really? XD I know he means his feelings etc and how he’s so happy he realized his emotions but it makes me think that this somehow translates into soaring high while doing sports…

History was a masquerade
You taught me love,

I love this! I mean, not only that there are probably endless masquerades in history one could study but also that Aiden WAS a teacher to him (and the history bit was working too, even if love took center stage!)
The rest of the stanza is a surprising “woe is me” admission from Felix when he clearly brought this upon himself. Unless he means he betrayed himself. I mean Hadrian did not have to try and conquer Scotland too…

Heading into verse 2 with more history. I like that! I like that he keeps going back to that, the only other connection he has to Aiden. I wonder if they really had the time to develop their relationship beyond that?

Hmmmm Ceasar WAS stabbed so I like the idea of equating being “stabbed” by Cupid’s Arrow while talking about the guy.
Okay, this gets complicated. I need to put my thinking hat on )=
So, first of all, Felix referring to his times with Aiden as “the fun we’ve had” makes me pause. Because it feels like he can never get into specifics. It might be a limit of the medium but I’m starting to think that maybe their relationship has been kinda superficial? Yes, history, great. And Aiden did greatly help Felix here but… what else is there? Will you show what they were doing that made them so perfect for each other? No critique, just something I’m thinking abt right now~

Secondly we have him saying that Aiden should have Ceasar as a guest in his heart. I am… a little stumped. Does he mean that Aiden should think about what happened to Ceasar, that he did to Felix what Brutus and the others did to Ceasar? Or that having Ceasar in his heart should make him experience what being stabbed like Ceasar was, to make him understand what Felix feels now?

Next stanza in that verse.
So. I feel like the painting in blood can be taken two-fold: running out of resources or making a statement. With the doom mentioned, I feel like it’s more like he’s running out of time? Like to underline the doom, you draw a parallel to how historic artists were using blood to make their statements?
Also peculiar final line. So. Is that him dismissing such outrageous things as merely attention-grabbing for the moment but ultimately pointless? Or is this more a callback to the doom set in stone, but flimsy? Very confusing.

Aha! Verse 3 has an acknowledgement that HE was the one who didn’t want to take the final step. He wasn’t brave enough to face public judgement.
Haha I guess he didn’t understand history after all. Thinking that Alexander the Great and King James would be the men they were if they WERENT living through these tough times 😊

There we have the Oscar Wilde mention. Wonder if he knows abt Wilde’s fate. Or maybe I am the one getting educated here because Who Is Walt Whitman?
Hmm also another acknowledgement that the bravery situation has not changed yet. He’s still not able to come out yet, despite having found his closet key, huh?
But I do like that the final line about running away from it all echoes that he did want to run away from this life once before. Maybe this time, it would be for the right reasons?


While I was typing this, you posted Aiden’s next poem so let’s head into that immediately.
Yay, more celestial bodies. This time the sun in focus. And why does that compass remind me so much of His Dark Materials… Ok we also have puppet on string. And heart tatoo on hand. Heart in your hand, huh?

Alright the name doesn’t really tell me anything so let’s see how you make that work 😊

Okay, I guess Aiden is talking about himself here? Good on him to recognize his own beauty 😊
(Aka he is growing)
Also nice going with him growing in the dark, like a moon =D

And another reference to crushing flowers. Last time, the rose was Felix, wasn’t it?
I LOVE how you arrange this verse. It flows super well. I kinda wish you would have sung this much faster than you actually did since I think these short lines kinda feel like they should have a faster beat 😊 (see this is why I prefer to not listen to the songs, even tho I know lyrics are MEANT to be sung, that a fundamental part of the meaning is lost without the music etc)

I am wonder what he means by choosing himself over the spell. Does he mean that love is kinda like being put under the spell and by choosing himself he’s rejecting love?
Also, there has to be a reason why you are going for the nature imagery here. You also have the fruits in the gif exchange soo… Ahh I feel so dumb. I can see there’s meaning and I don’t get ittttt Thorns bowing.. out of the way…. Sap falling, Idk life blood… ahhh

*reads on in distress*

Got struck by “lost in your sea” nooo Aiden nooo. I mean, yes, ofc you are still haunted by the relationship that has literally just ended and might not be over (tho you are one of Alex’ characters so I guess more suffering ahead)
Okay and I guess Aiden sees himself as the puppet, being strung along by Felix. Who basically rejected him and yet Aiden cant help but coming back to his love, over and over again. And all he wants is to be free of those feelings. Oh you poor child q-q
I don’t even know if Felix COULD set him free by being a normal person about this. He would have to do something really cruel—and even that wouldn’t be a guarantee ☹
Guess their only ally is time. Which can go in both directions: either time naturally letting them grow apart until the intense emotions mellow out into something more manageable or by giving Felix a kick in the behind to get over his fear. I mean, given ~society~, his fear is not unfounded (I read more statistics that made me sad) but if everyone stays hidden, no one will ever feel a sense of community. It makes us feel more isolated than we really are if we all just keep on hiding.

You draw a heart on the back of my hand

Welll then, there’s that. Much more literal than I thought!
Also Aiden does not really sound like he’s out of the love, not with how often he comes back to Felix and how often he says that he’s still lost. Wonder if it’s more this sudden emptiness, where emotions used to be, that keep him running in circles tho. Huh.
I love the “out of love that you demand” line, it sounds really good and pairs super well with the fact that Aiden has chosen to love himself first and foremost!
I am also starting to think these characters are lying to us. I should have knowwwn, they did that in the first part of this too!

Innnteresting that the next stanza implies that Aiden might go back to Felix to “slowly ween off of him”
Also that he’s more afraid of being loved back now. Maybe because he cant really forgive Felix but his heart might make the decision to take him back when his brain knows that’s not a good idea?

Will be looking forward to what I was missing in all this =D (Because I am ALWAYS missing something. Poems are so tricky to interpret!

@Tikaya you certainly butchered these two, I just had to come to the poor guys' defense XD

Also you know, brown eyes can be called honey-coloured. Just… throwing that out there. Honey is also yellow like the sun.

You might've seen it now that I was saving that for later! Also trying to read the reader's mind as this will most definitely come to this so they'll wish I used that instead and in the next poem, viola!

I love the callback to the first poem. It’s not Aiden getting crushed (at least not anymore). I am also deeply interested in Aiden going for “rose” here, not something like sunflower. (Rose is more love-coded but… yeah XD)
Last time, the rose was Felix, wasn’t it?

Quite close and very expected miss! The rose is the symbolic crush or imagined love Aiden bears for Felix =)
And sunflower for a sun's lover? It is brilliant, but don't you think a little too perfect for each other? I never said they were endgame.. mwahahaha

Tho I keep coming back to the two verses before that. Holding dreams to close. As a way to say that he gets too invested in his own dreams, stifling that way? And being careful around them at the same time?

Holding dreams to close meaning prioritising them over anything all his life! By tip toeing I meant he's very careful to net do anything that puts his career at stake, most fun included. He's got this exaggerated notion that you can only do one, as this stupid crush is distracting him from the goals he had for his life.

Guess it DOES build up on the previous song, as if they are having a long distance conversation. Or anticipating how the other feels atm.

I'd say neither- let me explain. Aiden is fond of Felix's eyes and doesn't hesitate to make that obvious to him. So it's a thing they both know is something that draws them closer, so they write about it unaffected if the other is mentioning them too. The prime reason being that the shared the same experience, and know eyes to be highlight in it.

Aww did he have to call Aiden little tho? XD

Gotta keep the frat boy in him alive XD

Really? XD I know he means his feelings etc and how he’s so happy he realized his emotions but it makes me think that this somehow translates into soaring high while doing sports…

Soaring high was for his grades or history knowledge here, but that could apply you know. Felix might love Aiden = Felix happy = does better at sport too instinctively.

I mean Hadrian did not have to try and conquer Scotland too…

Ouch, that reference really got lost there. Though my sources tell me he actually pulled back from Scotland from the beginning?
I was actually talking about his gay lover, Antinous, who drowned in the Nile. Here, Hadrian is withering away from the loss of their loved ones, rather than some military conquest. Felix equates his ache to his own after Adrian walks away from him, having finished with the tutoring. In the prequel timeline, this is right after Felix's first poem.

I don't know you caught it or not but all historic figures here are gay or alleged to be, and I've mostly used their romantic aspects to compare here (except maybe Caesar). I thought it goes well along with his newfound identity and historic knowledge.

So, first of all, Felix referring to his times with Aiden as “the fun we’ve had” makes me pause. Because it feels like he can never get into specifics. It might be a limit of the medium but I’m starting to think that maybe their relationship has been kinda superficial? Yes, history, great. And Aiden did greatly help Felix here but… what else is there? Will you show what they were doing that made them so perfect for each other? No critique, just something I’m thinking abt right now~

I've always thought this mystique to be my biggest strength since it can do much with little as the reader fills the gap with what they think happened, but I understand the need for clarity. Well, during the course of the tutoring, they were innocently hanging out like you'd college guys to. Going out to eat together, visiting some of the historically relevant places as a part of more hands on teaching, and just hanging out together- anything to make the boring lessons fun. You already read the garden scene for example, in the first arc.

Secondly we have him saying that Aiden should have Ceasar as a guest in his heart. I am… a little stumped. Does he mean that Aiden should think about what happened to Ceasar, that he did to Felix what Brutus and the others did to Ceasar? Or that having Ceasar in his heart should make him experience what being stabbed like Ceasar was, to make him understand what Felix feels now?

Geez, you went really dark there XD he's just saying that since brutus has stabbed him with love, he should love him back too ie let him be in his heart. Felix could sense Aiden probably has a crush and is suppressing it by pushing caeser aka Felix out of his heart, as the boy please against it.

Next stanza in that verse.
So. I feel like the painting in blood can be taken two-fold: running out of resources or making a statement. With the doom mentioned, I feel like it’s more like he’s running out of time? Like to underline the doom, you draw a parallel to how historic artists were using blood to make their statements?
Also peculiar final line. So. Is that him dismissing such outrageous things as merely attention-grabbing for the moment but ultimately pointless? Or is this more a callback to the doom set in stone, but flimsy? Very confusing.

This was a hint at self harm, something Felix struggled due to some family stress. But Aiden has made that pain go away for him, even if unknowingly.

Haha I guess he didn’t understand history after all. Thinking that Alexander the Great and King James would be the men they were if they WERENT living through these tough times 😊

Sure, they lived through tough times and were as epic as they were because of it. But here, I'm referencing to the world only in terms of gay identity and acceptance. Alexander had several male lovers, because it wasn't restricted in his day and age. Similiarly, James maintained gay relationships openly and was relatively safe due to his rank and tolerance of the people actually around him. In contrast, Felix is in a much more binding circumstance, as you'll find out soon enough.

Wonder if he knows abt Wilde’s fate. Or maybe I am the one getting educated here because Who Is Walt Whitman?
Hmm also another acknowledgement that the bravery situation has not changed yet. He’s still not able to come out yet, despite having found his closet key, huh?

They have been used here for their end fates determined by their sexual identities. He's looking at the downward spiral of Oscar Wilde after the accusations and is discouraged from coming out due to it. Walt Whitman was also a gay author, who successfully denied similar accusations and thus survived. So he's looking at them both to determine which way is the safer one to go.

But I do like that the final line about running away from it all echoes that he did want to run away from this life once before. Maybe this time, it would be for the right reasons?

Again, he did before as a kid based on that family stress I talked about. Now he's wanting to run for love. But at least he's running towards and for something than just from something, I'll let you decide if it's any better.

I kinda wish you would have sung this much faster than you actually did since I think these short lines kinda feel like they should have a faster beat 😊 (see this is why I prefer to not listen to the songs, even tho I know lyrics are MEANT to be sung, that a fundamental part of the meaning is lost without the music etc)

My vocal cords have their limitations xD

I am wonder what he means by choosing himself over the spell. Does he mean that love is kinda like being put under the spell and by choosing himself he’s rejecting love?

But exactly rejecting the love, but refusing to be controlled by it!

Also, there has to be a reason why you are going for the nature imagery here. You also have the fruits in the gif exchange soo… Ahh I feel so dumb. I can see there’s meaning and I don’t get ittttt Thorns bowing.. out of the way…. Sap falling, Idk life blood… ahhh

The fruit is a rose hip- fruit of rose. See after the petals fall (you get over the crush), there's nectar of self love and peace in the form of this sweet fruit. The needles falling is the pain that this crush caused at having seized its heart and the acknowledgement that this love may never manifest.

I don’t even know if Felix COULD set him free by being a normal person about this. He would have to do something really cruel—and even that wouldn’t be a guarantee ☹

Love that you caught this =) technically, he does free him later, but you saw what he did after it lol

I am also starting to think these characters are lying to us. I should have knowwwn, they did that in the first part of this too!

It's so much worse Tikaa, they're lying to themselves </3

Innnteresting that the next stanza implies that Aiden might go back to Felix to “slowly ween off of him”

We'll see

Also that he’s more afraid of being loved back now. Maybe because he cant really forgive Felix but his heart might make the decision to take him back when his brain knows that’s not a good idea?

Reality is scarier than fantasy afterall! But there's nothing to forgive, since Felix did nothing wrong. He's just afraid this love would make him lose control of things around him- something he's held onto for dear life all this time..

OMG, ALEX! I am blown away!! I cannot believe how many songs you can write in such a short amount of time. I love listening to the recordings and reading along. Fantastic work!!!

I need to come back and listen once I grab headphones, but I love what you're doing with this! And yes, NaPo week musical should hopefully be less overwhelming than an entire NaPo!

@EllieMae coming from someone who actually sings in front of crowds, this means the WORLD to me!!

@Meshugenah you don't know HOW much of a blessing NaPo week was! XD But to be fair, I also jumped with only half the preparation too so that made it a little even. I'm glad you were able to enjoy these <3

Ah well, as expected, Saturday turned out to be too much for me siiigh. But here we go!
I just remembered that these are letters found. So they actually wrote these poems? Did they show them to each other, now, I wonder…

So what do we have here. A sandcastle, chains, Felix as narrator. A tower that looks like a spine collapsing, beep beep monitor (medical stuff, heart rate?), moon (which I guess represents Aiden), storm clouds and clock spinning (also heart unraveling)

Let’s see what ties this all together~

Nun ja. We already started with things falling to pieces, so tower collapse!
Ohhh I like how we are delving a bit more into backstory now (and other circumstances not related to the romance!) I suppose him being worried about the father who’s disappointed in him for choosing his own path is a great motivation!

& I (& I~) can see the moon rise
But down, the window, now I cannot climb

Aww he can see the moon (Aiden) outside but he’s inside, behind the window and cant join him q.q
Ohhh this is his explanation why he cannot follow Aiden atm. How he feels stuck until he has weathered this unexpected storm…
The “she” he is talking abt is his mom then? How… how can he make this right when it sounds like his dad is dying? Is she expecting him to just sit tight, do what his dad wants him to do until … it’s over? That he should buckle down the last few however long it is?

I also like the line abt love pulling, just like the moon.
Ah what a tricky situation! (And makes me curious about Aiden’s response poem later)

Though I promised before, can't carry you home

Ah another acknowledgement that he’s the one who broke a promis!
The line abt chains of blood is so visceral (also explains why they are red in the gif. OH so good!)
Ai, and through all this the line “you’re on your own” is so… hurtful still. Poor Aiden. I wonder if Felix even attempted to explain this or if there is a way to navigate around this more gracefully. Remember how being honest with her grandma worked out a lot better for Chloe than expected.

I knew it. The sandcastle was a reference to their unsteady relationship. That the foundation has been lacking because of their circumstances and society. Oh poor boys qq

I need more information on how Felix thinks he will move forward from here. More information on what his family expects from him. It sounds like this is so earth-shaking that there is absolutely no hope for his relationship with Aiden .-. (and luck running out--- as if that was the only reason why they could ever be together…)

Now let’s see what Aiden has to say.

Well those gifs already look more conciliatory. Also Sunflower!!! And a bust of… uhm is that Caesar? Did he let Ceasar in his heart???

Also a hopeful title. Like, I through my all behind you?

Love the rhymes in the intro! Also snowy doves <3

That first stanza of verse 1 is also very hopeful. Like, Aiden calling Felix his liberation and that together they form a whole that can be read by others (Constellation) and forged in gold.. I mean gold is a v pretty but soft metal. But he could have said something abt clay over whatever and that would be way more negative. I also really like the interpretation that instead of “normal” and “functional” metals like iron or steel, their love WAS forged (which still takes effort) in something beautiful like gold.

Hmmm I wonder if the roots Aiden talks abt is his love for Felix after all this or if this goes a bit deeper? Or did he always know that he was gay?

Hmmmmmmmm (again) . Is this more pleasant language rooted in the fact that he understands Felix a bit better now?

“Somewhere, worries don't follow“
This kinda still sounds as if he wishes they could run away from it all…
And he calls him APOLLO, the sun god! (So that’s what the bust was for?)

I’m probably missing something but I really like this final poem. I am much happier when the characters sound happy.

I am so ready for the next arc in their play, Alex :3

It means the world to me that you stuck with the story, @Tikaya. And oh, I've got plans to where I'm gonna go with this alright XD

I just remembered that these are letters found. So they actually wrote these poems? Did they show them to each other, now, I wonder…

I was hoping to cover that but unfortunately couldn't. But they basically wrote these as a part of their own journaling, but shared them with each other afterwards. Aiden pleaded if he could safekeep these and Felix agreed. The 'letters' is actually just the first impression uninformed interpretation of the cops who found these.

Aww he can see the moon (Aiden) outside but he’s inside, behind the window and cant join him q.q

That's a great poetic thought, but I meant it a little more figuratively. I was actually wondering to do it his way but Aiden is waiting at the gymnasium, remember? It'd be inconsistent of the plot to have him here right now. So instead, Felix sees the actual moon outside and is reminded of Aiden, and how we must be making his way to him.

The “she” he is talking abt is his mom then? How… how can he make this right when it sounds like his dad is dying? Is she expecting him to just sit tight, do what his dad wants him to do until … it’s over? That he should buckle down the last few however long it is?

We have the case of an dependent parent here! She's too hysterical to make sense of anything honestly, even though it was a chronic ailment. But there is one reason she says that here, I'm hoping to expand on that in Aiden 2.0 (or 3.0 since this was arc 2? I don't count fillers though, even though I thought numbering them sequentially was best). Guess they were all too desperately hoping it'd go away, so ironic for an almost about to be son in law studying to be a doctor XD

(And makes me curious about Aiden’s response poem later)

Actually, they're not too related. The last poem isn't a reply or reaction to Felix's, but occurs simultaneously, only somewhere else. Aiden is unaware of what's going down, and Felix doesn't tell him cuz we love miscommunications =) to be fair though, Aiden would not have reacted much differently even if he came clean and Felix didn't want him to stress out too much or hold out home. This is essentially a breakup, mainly because Felix needs to support his family now. He's barely into his degree and earning decently is going to consume all his energy and time for now. It'd be asking too much for Aiden to wait for him or going through it together.

“you’re on your own” is so… hurtful still.

It is purposefully so! Felix wants him to get hurt and move on asap. Trying him to understand and adjust to his situation will only hold him down (remember letting you go?) so he wants only the best for him, even if aches to make this call.

I need more information on how Felix thinks he will move forward from here. More information on what his family expects from him.

That's actually the prose I was working on! It's the second chapter, if everything goes according to plan.

It sounds like this is so earth-shaking that there is absolutely no hope for his relationship with Aiden .-. (and luck running out--- as if that was the only reason why they could ever be together…)

This is the lowest of their relationship for sure, but they're quite immature here too. I'd give them some time to grow if I were you

Well those gifs already look more conciliatory. Also Sunflower!!! And a bust of… uhm is that Caesar? Did he let Ceasar in his heart???

I actually didn't even think that misinterpretation was possible, especially with the golden color XD

That first stanza of verse 1 is also very hopeful.

The one and only emotion this was written for! This actually coincides perfectly with Aiden's poem in the prequel. You can imagine him writing this just before he ran away if you wanna keep things practical, or that it magically starts playing in the background of that poem if you like cinematic vibes~

Hmmm I wonder if the roots Aiden talks abt is his love for Felix after all this or if this goes a bit deeper? Or did he always know that he was gay?

You're spot on, no hidden meanings! Our protagonist is only book smart with a horrible gaydar, at least for the boys he likes.

I am so ready for the next arc in their play, Alex :3

Well I must warn you that it's not coming anytime soon at least. I have a mini novella planned for the next one so I'm gonna need lots of time to plan and polish, since I'm not that great with prose. But it's coming for sure, at my earliest convenience!

Hint-

Remember how being honest with her grandma worked out a lot better for Chloe than expected.

Things are so much more twisted than you realise here..

Again, thank you form the bottom of my heart, Tikaa<3

@AlexWrites Your poem My Roman Empire - the lyrics feel like a love letter written through the pages of history. I love how you weave history, mythology, and such a personal kind of longing together. The chorus really stays with the reader. And really appreciate your singing skills <3
Edited - Haha i messed the pagination and thought it was your last poem. Corrected @AlexWrites !

I'm lovesick, but I've got a cure
The dose of you, I'll take it slow

bruh, that's a pickup line you've got there xD

A/N- these are supposed to look like flowers, though they might not be the prettiest xD Thanks to @Silvern and @alliyah that inspired this and I got to know what a contrapuntal is! I just knew I had to shape it like a flower, and make it a visual poetry, like how some your best poems have it, @alliyah.

Blue for Aiden and Red for Felix, that much should be clear by now. The hanging 'it' is very much intentional, meant to be a few falling from the flower, as referenced in an earlier poem. I feel like this is the perfect summary to what these lovers feel by the end of this series btw. NaPo week may be over, but my story goes on~

@Hkumar thank you so much for showering all these compliments <3 I remember you being one of the first people to like each of my NaPo poem too, and you don't know how big of an encouragement that was. I had dived in the deep end and was struggling with my unique format choice, but your silent presence kept me afloat. One reader is actually enough, just knowing there's someone with you. I was so glad when you blessed me with your acknowledgement for NaPo week as well, your support doesn't go unseen.

I'm happy that you liked My Roman Empire, it's my favourite too! And feel free to use that pickup line and let me know if it lands and invite me to the wedding of course!