Minha Culpa

These decadent days run a thick river
through the westside of this town.
We account bottlecaps and soda taps,
to make a ledger of how much we drink
of our own blood, and to send to
the loving aristocrat upstream.

I send him my message, cased in a
black-tinted bottle, stoppered with deflated
balloons, my signature sidenote:
“Shatter-heart, all in this river,
I am sorry for when it stabs at your charming skin
I regret this fall in with you
and we never bloomed more fair
it’s unjust for you to bear
The weight of all my stars and moons
I never dammed this river to spite you.”

Downwind, his only response:
“Every time you spit into this river,
it comes back to you as rain.”

I found this appealing, gummy.

I'm not sure if "Minha" has any significance to it, but the title was a nice one to fit the ending.

"Through the westsdie of this town."

Should be "westside."

The first stanza is boring... I think it's these lines:

We account bottlecaps and soda taps,
To make a ledger of how much we drink

Account can mean several things, and sometimes this is a good thing, but in this case, it doesn't work.

I love the second and third stanza though. You just need to work on your introduction.

I felt that you rushed this. Is there any particular reason why you have the beginning of each line capitalized?

This is ackward:

I am sorry for when it stabs at your charming skin
I regret this fall in with you

Your ryhmes are ackward and forced. They are out of place in a poem that shouldn't ryhme:

And we never bloomed more fair
It’s unjust for you to bear
The weight of all my stars and moons
I never dammed this river to spite you.

I liked this:

Downwind, his only response:
“Every time you spit into this river,
It comes back to you as rain.”

You should really go through this again and refine it. Good luck,

Cameron