Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 20)

"Ugh!" Tomhas threw back his head, sighing loudly. "Gaius has facts, books, and he'll have done ALL the homework already to the point where asking a question would be silly because it's already been answered. Ky has her dreams, which I can't see. I need clarification from her to understand what's going on. And this is all assuming Gaius would try to prove her wrong."

“Mm.” Jerica was quiet for a moment. “…Look, I don’t think either of us blame you for trusting your brother over us. You’ve had like four decades together or whatever compared to a few months. I’m just saying… you should be honest about that is all. Don’t pretend like you believe them equally if you don’t.”

"Three decades," he corrected absently. "But I mean...the circumstances vary. I might believe Gaius more on one thing and Ky more on another."

Jerica nodded thoughtfully, considering it for a moment. “Well… I dunno. I’m not gonna tell you how to parent or whatever. I just know if Ky thinks you thinks she’s lying she’s gonna shut down. ‘I don’t know’ ‘um I don’t remember’ ‘I’m not really sure—‘ you know how she is. She’d rather people think her dumb than a liar. So if you’re gonna be all skeptical she’s not gonna tell you the truth she’s gonna tell you what she thinks you wanna hear.”

"I'll try not to be. But I have to ask questions, you know?"

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Just don’t be a dick about it is all.”

"I try not to be a dick ever," he said stiffly. "You don't like me very much, do you?"

She gave him the side-eye. “What?”

"You don't like me," he repeated. "It's kind of obvious. Can I ask why?"

She stared at him for a moment, then looked away, contemplating. “Depends. Are you gonna cry about it and get me in trouble with Derik for ‘being mean’ or whatever?”

"No." He wrinkled his nose. "I'm a grown man; good gods."

“Well you’re an emotional grown man,” she said, looking over at him. She’d been trying to be nice. It was his own fault that he explicitly asked her to be rude. “You sold your daughter to a brute because you and your big bubby couldn’t just talk your problems out like grown ups and instead decided you needed to have your people kill each other — and for what? For the resolution to be a truce because you finally remembered you like each other? And then you go and make Ky think you wanna die because of her. Do you know how badly that fucked her up? You already know how upset she is about her first father killing himself and then you go and make her be the one to find you almost dead and then she got sick herself because she gave you her coat and then I got told I wasn’t supposed to tell you that even though she’s the one who got hurt from your little stunt. You let your emotions run away with you rather than being the father your kids deserve or the Lord your people deserve. Most noblemen suck and you’re not showing me how you’re any different than my idiot of an uncle.” She hesitated, realizing she wasn’t sure if he was smart enough to know which one she meant. “Levin.”

Tomhas listened to this in silence, eyes fixed intently on the ground. His nostrils flared once or twice, but he kept his composure.
When Jerica stopped talking, he rubbed his hands and then clenched them together tightly, taking a deep breath.
"You're right," he said finally, very softly. "About all of that. Completely."

Jerica glanced over at him, then away again, surprised that he hadn’t argued back at her. Hadn’t gotten defensive. She wasn’t sure where to go from here. She buried her hands in her pockets, blushing slightly.

"I wasn't ever cut out for anything special," he went on. "I shouldn't be a father or a Lord. Just some playboy bastard drinking his life away in a tavern surrounded by fairweather friends. I knew that already." He hugged himself tightly. "I'm only sorry I've done so much harm by clinging to these titles."