Falling like Leaves

Kyle nodded in agreement. Finding shelter for the night was a good idea, especially when they knew someone hostile was out there.

"I don't know," Jo mused as they walked. "I think you're tied down, too, Estella Fay. You're from Heliodor Everett's world, and you two already know each other. So Kyle's connected to me, I'm connected to Heliodor Everett, and he's connected to you. And if we want to really close the circle, you're connected to Kyle because you were looking for the two of us together."

Estella Fay squeaked. “Oh… I don’t know. Heliodor Everett and I… didn’t know each other well. And I don’t think Kyle liked me very much…”

She glanced at the man in question, terrified of the annoyance she would find there.

Jo shot Kyle a bewildered look. Kyle stared.

"What do you mean?" Kyle asked.

"Kyle doesn't say a lot," Jo said, "but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He acts like he doesn't like me even more, and we're each other's best friends."

Estella Fay spluttered. “I just… I suppose… he seemed a tad… miffed.” She looked at the ground. I don’t mean to offend.”

"I didn't mean to..." Kyle started, then looked over at Jo for help and guidance.

"You do come across that way," Jo admitted, awkwardly. "Sometimes."

"Oh," Kyle said, quietly.

"It's not, uh, bad?" Jo added. "You just have very strong introvert tendencies, and not everyone you meet knows that."

"Oh," Kyle said again, just as quietly as before.

Estella Fay panicked at that, lifting her head. “No. No. It’s not you, really. I just… speak a lot. When no one’s listening. And it can get grating. And loud. And it would probably be better for everyone if I learnt to stop, but I just can’t seem to and it all just keeps spilling out anyways and I can’t stop it and it frustrates everyone around me, so I figured that’s what was happening. And I apologize.”

Jo took in a deep breath at that. It wasn't because Estella Fay's words were hard for her to handle. It was more because they were all too familiar. Everything that Estella Fay described were things that Jo had experienced, too. It was a miracle, Jo had long ago decided, that Kyle hadn't gotten sick of their constant talking.

"I'm like that, too," Jo admitted. "I think it's the undiagnosed ADHD."

Kyle furrowed his brow.

"It's undiagnosed?" he asked. When Jo nodded, Kyle said, "I thought it would have been diagnosed already."

Jo gave a smile, then. It was a bitter kind of smile.

"Do you really think my family actually got me tested?" Jo asked. Kyle was silent. That was a good point. "It's like your anxiety."

They thought for a moment, Heliodor Everett still in their arms.

"I should probably get a diagnosis now," she realized. "It would definitely be easier. We should go together, when we get back."

Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think that's how getting medical diagnoses work," Kyle pointed out.

"Well," Jo said, smile becoming a little less bitter, "neither one of us have them, so I don't think you really have the experience to know for certain."

Estella Fay blinked. “ADHD? Anxiety? I don’t… I’m not… familiar.” Her wings fluttered slightly. Hev frowned slightly.

Jo perked up at the realization that she was about to blow Estella Fay's mind.

"ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder," Jo said, in one great, big breath. "It basically describes people like us. If you get a formal diagnosis, sometimes they give you medicine that helps you focus, but I'm not really concerned about that. I've gotten by without it. I just want a name on it."

She looked over at Kyle.

"And anxiety is what it sounds like," Jo added. "It's just worse than a regular person's, so sometimes you need therapy or medication that helps with it, too."

It was an incredibly simplified explanation for both, but it was at least a start that summarized what both things were.

“So, you struggle with focusing. You’re hyperactive.” She hiccuped. “That… that’s me. I struggle with focusing. Or staying still. Or even… keeping my mind quiet.”

Jo gave a great big nod then.

"You got it!" Jo confirmed. "That's me, too, and what ADHD is. There's technically different versions of it, but it sounds like we have the same one."

Estella Fay nodded. “Oh. Oh wow, okay. That’s…” She laughed. “I… I never thought… anyone would ever understand me.”

Jo smiled.

"It's a lot to take in," Jo agreed. "I knew what it was for a long time, but just didn't realize I probably had it until..."

She did the mental math.

"Five years ago, I think?" Jo said. "It's been hard to keep track of anything that happened before the Dark Year. All of the years just blur together."

Estella Fay nodded. “Do… do you know a lot of names… for stuff like that that?”

Jo would have given a so-so gesture with her hand if she wasn't still holding Heliodor Everett. She wished she could pass him off to Kyle, but he didn't have the same kind of abilities she did. It was easier for them to hold Heliodor Everett than it was for Kyle to.

"I know more than you do," Jo admitted, "but not all of them. Our time and world is good with having terms for mental health."