Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 8)

She curled up under a blanket and pulled it tight around herself. As if they would make her feel better.

And yet it helped, ever so slightly. Made her feel more secure.

She couldn’t think about it. She couldn’t. She just needed to climb back in her forgetty-box in her brain where time rushed by and she wasn’t part of it. She closed her eyes.

(I’m happy to keep going as long as you wanna, I’m enjoying the Gaius POV/insight, but she’s probably gonna start dissociating and will stay in her bed until someone comes looking for her. Tadaaki probably will come by after dinner when she doesn’t show up, but dunno if any of your guys would be worried before then? Lol like she’s not gonna go to meals or ask for them to be sent to her room or anything. Again, I’m happy to keep going as long as you like! We can torture her with pushing the thoughts away haha I just don’t wanna bore you because it’s not going to be productive just spiraling into a worse and worse headspace haha)

(Sara or Sera might check on her, whichever you prefer. I don't have much else to do here--soup takes a long time to cook. Would you like me to bring Sara back in while they wait so we can have a dialogue between her and Gaius or would you rather skip so Ky can interact with someone?)

(If you’ve got Sara/Gaius content in mind then go for it! Otherwise I’m good to skip to one of your girls coming to check on her. Don’t have a strong preference as to who… Sara could be nice cause I feel like they haven’t had much one on one? But I also don’t know how they’d approach her. Emery came very close to getting her to open up earlier if he hadn’t turned away at the last moment haha)

(Oof awkward Emery
I'll skip then; I have a vague idea of what Gaius and Sara would talk about--mostly Ky, then a segue into the events a couple days ago, which Gaius would try very hard not to talk about. I'll get Sara in to check on Ky.)

(I mean up to you! That sounds like it could be fun to read and get in their heads. But also no pressure at all. Whatever you’re feeling — I’m legit equally happy either way)

(I am very tired and not sure I could do Gaius and Sara justice. Maybe I'll do two posts of them and then skip over)

Sara returned a couple minutes later with two cups of tea. She sat down beside him and set the cups down on the table in front of them.
"Soup'll be ready in a few minutes," she told him. "I can't say I expected a voluntary request for food from you."
"Desperate times," Gaius said thinly, closing his eyes. "I was a fool and I'm paying the price."
Sara didn't argue; he didn't expect her to. He was right, after all.
"If Ky hasn't chosen a trainer by next week I'm thinking I'll put her with Bay or Kazhra," he said after a pause. "It'll be good for her to get her mind off Zander."
"I don't know if Kazhra is quite right for her," Sara mused. "I get the tough love thing, but...she's had so much of that."
"Mm. But not the good sort. And Kazhra's not cruel." He reached for the cup of tea and found his hand was trembling. He opened and closed it a couple times and when the shaking didn't stop, he gave up. "She's persistent, that's all."
"You ought to write to Tomhas and get his opinion."
"That would take ages to reach him. She doesn't have ages, Sara."

(Sounds good! : ) )
(Lmao gonna have fun with the clash of Gaius and Ky about waiting for Ka’Nor’s opinion haha)

She forced herself to breathe deeply. To calm herself entirely. She’d just stay here until someone forced her to eat. Or until she starved to death. Or until Zander came back. Whatever.

"Then pick Bay. He's got almost nothing in common with her but at least he knows how to handle kids like that. He has experience."
Gaius nodded; she was right, of course. He was leaning toward Bay anyway, and he suspected Ky was as well. He'd speak to her about it when she was in a better mindset. "I'll see about it," he replied. "Later, though. She isn't well."
"And neither are you." She wrapped her hand around his arm loosely; her fingers nearly touched each other. "Look at this, Gaius. And you're so pale..."
"I'm a Northerner," Gaius said tetchily. "A noble Northerner. We're as pasty as they come."
"You know what I mean." She let go and leaned against him. "Why did you do that to yourself? Why did you go down there alone?"
Gaius sighed and stared at the cooling cup of tea in front of him. "I thought it had been long enough," he muttered. "Can we not talk about this?"

She wished she could burn the last image of Zander out of her brain. Last image of Papa. Wished she could remember him the instant she laid eyes on him before the adoption when every single thing had been right in her world. Wished she could remember Papa as happy and calm and doting.

But no. She had to remember Papa’s panicked, anguished gaze. And now she had to remember the weight on her shoulders as she watched Zander leave her. Her chest felt so tight.

"We can," Sara said, "but I want to understand exactly what was going on in your head. Were you trying to show off for your niece? That isn't like you, Gaius."
"I want to stop talking about this," Gaius said firmly, voice tight. His chest felt tight just thinking about it. "Please, Sara. We talked that day. Isn't that enough?" He could feel her eyes on him. "Please."
A pause. "Fine." She took up her cup of tea. "But this isn't the end of it. I'm not mad, I'm just...worried. Alright?"
"I know." He stared at his own cup, not trusting his hands not to drop it if he tried picking it up again.

Ky eventually settled in quiet misery — not caving in and feeling her full anguish, but also making very little effort to do anything about it. It just sat next to her on the bed like the elephant in the room. Looming and not welcome. But there all the same.

(Here I go skippin)

About an hour past lunch, there was a knock at Ky's door.

She hadn’t moved since she laid down.

Literally.

Not so much as to roll over.

She sighed softly and opened her eyes. She hadn’t slept. That would have been too kind. She pushed herself up to a sitting position. “Come in.”

Sara opened the door and stepped inside. "Hi," she said quietly. "How are you doing?"

Ky tried to predict who was on the other side of the door before it opened.

It wasn’t Gaius. He wouldn’t come looking for her, she was fairly certain. And he certainly didn’t care enough about it to climb this many stairs to get to her.

Sara, maybe? Probably her.

But it could be Sera.

Or perhaps they’d forced one of the other recently freed slaves to come pretend like they cared. It’s not like they tell Gaius no if he told them to come up here.

She had an odd sense of smug satisfaction to see that she was right.

Not that that made this any easier.

“Good.” She tried the smile, but not even a hint of it actually made it to her face. “You?”