Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 8)

Ky nodded silently. How did she always manage to fuck up conversations? They always went from innocent to her drama. Always. And she didn’t know how to fix it.

"So the sun is going to sleep in a couple months," Tristan said after a pause. "Have you been up here when that happens, Ky?"

“No.” Ky looked at him, alarmed. The sun wasn’t even alive how was it going to sleep. “What does that mean?”

"It sinks below the horizon and stays there for the whole winter," Tristan explained. "Things slow down and it gets dangerous to go outside, so pretty much the entire Realm shuts down. Some Keeps open up to the villages to let some people in to weather out the winter. The Counts all do it, and some of the Reeves do, too. But it goes black, and it's night for the entire winter."
"You may have noticed the days are shorter and shorter," Emery said to Ky. "We're down to maybe eighteen hours of daylight now, but two months from now it will be a few minutes, and then none at all."

“No.” Ky shook her head, brow furrowed. That was such a terrifying thought. It was bad enough to be locked up behind the Keep’s walls, with at least the brief reprise of a window and a grove. She didn’t want it to be dark all the time. That’d be worse than a room with no window. At least then, she’d know that life existed, even if she couldn’t be a part of it. This way sounded like life ended entirely. She looked at Zander pleadingly. “No.”

“No what?” he asked gently, sympathetic of how upset she clearly was getting.

“That sounds awful. I don’t want to be here for that. Take me home.”

"It isn't as bad as it sounds," Emery assured her. "You can still go outside in the Keep walls so long as you're very warmly dressed, and the fires burn all day and all night, and it's brighter in the Keep than it ever is in spring and summer."

“You need the sun to make you happy,” Ky argued, still clearly upset. “I don’t know how it works, but it makes your brain make you be alive. Without it it’s… awful. You wouldn’t know when to sleep or be awake or what day it was or why you were even alive.”

"A lot of people sleep through the day," Tristan mused. "Saves food and energy."
"The same happens here," Emery agreed. "Or sometimes nobles have winter parties to keep people's spirits up. I could understand a Southerner having a more difficult reaction to this, though...I'm from the East where there's a more clear division of seasons and even I had a hard time when I came up here. A terrible time, really." He gave Ky a sympathetic smile. "I can help you out with strategies, if you want."

(I love how we are setting her up on all fronts for a major depressive episode lol take her from her family? check. Put her in a somber environment? check. Take away sunlight? check.)

Ky nodded sullenly, glancing at Zander. He wasn't going to let her leave. None of them would. And they all knew it. Zander had already explicitly said he was going to choose her safety over her happiness. Which meant not a damn one of them was going to let her go anywhere in the South. Her choice had been here or Caracal Keep, and she'd already fucked that choice up. She sighed, defeated, voice very quiet and weak as she asked, "How long does it last?"

(We're so good at torturing characters)

"About four months."

"Four--" She turned an anguished gaze on Zander. She'd die before she survived four months of night. "You can't leave me here. Take me home."

"I'm sure it's the same at Caracal," he answered mildly.

"No. It's further south, it can't be this bad."

"It's the same all over the Realm," Emery said with a shrug. "The Barrasters and Bledroes get a little more sun since they're closer to the South, but it still gets dark for a really long time."

Well, that was entirely unhelpful. She was fairly certain the Ladies Barraster liked her (or was it just pity?) -- but there was no chance they'd make her their problem for a full four months, especially given the danger she was in. It'd be unreasonable to even ask it of them. Besides, no one here was going to let her travel in the night, so she'd have to wheedle her way into it before winter set in fully, and it just... it was hopeless. Completely hopeless. She was going to be miserable here. And they all knew it.

Every last one of them knew what they were doing to her.

She was going to think up a plan so that she didn't make a plan. Her mental health was garbage already. It was going to get so, so much worse. She only had a shaky will to live right now anyway, before all this. She'd need to brainstorm with Tadaaki, and soon.

Poor Aashi. Poor Tasia.

Ky would have to hide it. She needed to start hiding it now. She took a deep breath and forced her energy to calm as she forced her expression to be neutral. "Understandable."

"We'll all try to help you out," Emery promised. "I know how tough it can be, Ky. I do. And most people in the Realm have had a bit of trouble at some point."

Ky nodded, entirely unconvinced that there was a single thing at all that he or anyone else could do to make this even remotely okay. Maybe, maybe, it would be okay if she was with her parents and siblings. There was enough happiness buzzing in that Keep to get them through, maybe.

But not here.

She wasn't sure if she fully agreed with Ada's mysticism that places remembered the bad things that happened. But to a certain extent, she did. Everyone here was being friendly, but there was such a different energy to this Keep. Or, perhaps, a lack of energy. The expectation that you be calm and respectable and mature. There was no chance Gaius would be racing her to steal pastries from the kitchen, even if he was physically capable.

No. This place was cold at baseline. And it'd freeze clear through once the sun went away.

"I appreciate it."