Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 5)

"Hm." Gaius stirred himself. She wanted to keep talking, did she? "The first is Ishai; she's about to be fourteen. The daughter of one of my foot soldiers. She's very bright, enthusiastic about reading and writing. The second is Arril, who's sixteen. He's working as a stableboy. And then there's Oria, the blacksmith's apprentice. She's just recently eighteen and already nearly a master of the craft."

(I've been refreshing the page and totally didn't realize we were on a new page lol)

She perked up a bit at that. Gaius probably wasn't this easily distracted, but she certainly was. She smiled. "Sounds like I've got something in common with all of them!"

(XD I've done that before)

"Ah, you've done blacksmithing?" Gaius raised his eyebrows. "How did that come about?"

"I mean... I guess I can't actually claim that," Ky said sheepishly. "But I followed Mr. Drakan -- our blacksmith -- around and pretended like I was helping. Carried ore and stuff for him and fetched fresh water... he let me make a hook once, though!"

"Ah, fascinating." Gaius nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps she'll be willing to discuss that with you. She's a very social person. Oh, and I'd nearly forgotten. The Seer returning with Pratik is quite young as well. Perhaps in her late teens to very early twenties?"

"Oh?" Ky asked, cocking her head to the side. She was fascinated at the thought of meeting a Seer -- but was equally terrified. If Gaius couldn't actually read her thoughts and was already this unsettling, then how much worse would it be to be with an actual mind-reader? Seemed humiliating.

"Perhaps she'll get along with you." Gaius shrugged. "Hopefully so; I'd like her to be comfortable. It sounds as if Wolf Keep was not hospitable to her."

Ky cringed slightly. Tarr was entirely too much like Aleth for him to have the sort of limitless power that he held. How much worse would it have been if Aleth was heterosexual? She hoped that Tarr didn't abuse his slaves like that, but Tomhas called him a rapist, so he probably did. "I imagine not."

"We'll see to it, in time. Tarr won't be much longer for this world if he continues to defy Harold." He hoped it would get to the point where Harold simply sent in his own troops, but that didn't seem too likely.

Ky smiled at that, then sobered, horrified at herself that she'd just derived joy from that statement.

Gaius caught her smile, and this time his own grin was genuine, albeit very subtle. "I think this family will suit you well," he mused.

Well, that was grim. Was she going to get desensitized to violence? Perhaps that was for the best. It'd certainly make her life easier if she didn't have her conscience gnawing at her even on behalf of objectively awful humans. Then again, it still upset Tomhas. So it was hard to say which way she'd end up trending. Especially if she was to move to Serpent Keep soon.

She was impressionable. She knew she was. It was something she was painfully aware of -- she became whoever she needed to be in any situation -- but it wasn't something she knew how to change.

Still, she chose to interpret this as a compliment and smiled a little, more sheepishly this time. "I think so, too."

Gaius nodded to her. "Don't be afraid to feel what you feel; that's my advice to you. Just don't feel it where people can see you."

Ky sobered and nodded. Was this him telling her she didn't have a good poker face? Well, she supposed that was fair. Most of her thoughts went straight to her expression, unless she focused really, really hard on staying neutral. "I feel like it's hard if your feelings conflict with the person you want to be, but aren't naturally."

"Mm." Gaius knew how she felt; he'd struggled for years with his own version of justice. "Once, when I was thirty, I'd found a man guilty of smuggling slavers across the border of Venholm in exchange for sampling any captive girls in the caravan. I had the man whipped bloody, then had him brought out to a part of the woods farthest from any village. I personally handed the man a tiny whittling knife and a bit of flint for fire, and just as the sun sank below the horizon I sent him away. It was one of the cruelest punishments I could think of--offering the knife as a hope for survival but giving him no real chance. The night was dark and far too full of hateful spirits and hungry animals.
"I spent the next month tormented by that act, wondering if it meant I was a monster like Michael had been. But eventually I realized: I wanted to be a good man, I wanted to be a good Lord, but I wanted to hurt people who were cruel to innocents. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. If you want Tarr to hurt, Ky, it only means you have empathy. The person you want to be and the person you are can be one and the same."