Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 4)

Right. The sister.

It was kind of odd that she hadn’t come to something when the rest of the family had.

Ky buried her hands deep in her pockets, and nodded, staying silent for a long moment. He was right. He was always right. Except about her being good enough to adopt. She didn’t deserve this either. It was too far on the opposite end of the spectrum. She let out a quiet sigh, the rest of the tension releasing from her body.

Why were Aleth and Michael so terrible?

“I…” What could she even say to something like that? She sighed again. “I’m afraid of who I’m going to grow into. Of what I am. Three years ago I never would have expected I’d flinch at sudden movement or cave under the slightest pressure. I don’t like what he’s turned me into and I’m scared of what I might become in the future. What if his poison has now become trapped in my body and I grow up cruel and angry and start lashing out at people. I don’t want that. But… but… I couldn’t make myself not become… this. So what if I can’t stop that, either?”

Tomhas thought about that for a moment, frowning. "Who you are now doesn't necessarily dictate who you'll become. Not everything about who you'll become, at least. You just have to work on the parts of yourself that you want to change and be patient when it takes some time."

Ky nodded. “Will you help me with that? Help me separate what’s actually a flaw in me rather than just my own anxiety? That… that you’ll call me on it, if I start turning into a…” monster. “Bad person.”

"I'll do my best," Tomhas promised. "I will. But I don't think you have to worry about becoming a bad persin."

“Thank you…” Ky took a deep breath, glancing at the door then back at Tomhas. “And thank you for this. I guess I did need to talk.”

"Anytime you need, Ky, Anneke or I will be there for you. Or Sara or Gaius, while they're here, I guess." Tomhas also looked at the door. "Want me to get everybody out of there so you and Zander can actually relax?"

Ky took a deep breath.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “That sounds nice… but I’m also so happy he’s getting to know all of you. You’re all so lovely and I want you all to be friends.”

"It's completely up to you. We'll all get to know him over these couple days or however long he's here, but you'll probably be swept up in the gifts and any games we might play, and then dinner and the rites themselves. Do you want some time to relax?"

Ky thought for a moment. It would be nice to get some time alone with Zander. It’d been so very long since they’d had that. “Maybe. Yeah.”

"Righto." Tomhas rubbed his hands together. "Lemme work my magic in there; I'll have everybody out in five seconds flat!"

Ky laughed. “No pressure!”

Tomhas bowed and opened the door. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said with a flourish. Harold looked up, startled. "I hope you have enjoyed your refreshments, but your Majesty, Tadaaki, Aashi, and Tasia, I'd like you all to tour the library with me! You want to see books, Tasia?"

“Yes!” Tasia flung herself off Aashi’s lap and ran towards the door. Her parents laughed and stood up.

Zander stood as well, looking at Tomhas first, but then his gaze landed on Ky. Neither of them had been included in that list. Right. A distraction, then. That was good. He’d like time alone with her. They had a lot of missed time to make up. And she looked a lot more calm now — Tomhas really must be so good with her — but it was clear she’d been a bundle of nerves before they’d left. He stretched and sat back down. Ky stepped into the room, dodging Tasia before she would have crashed right into her.

Tomhas nodded to Ky and Zander. Harold rose reluctantly and dipped his head to Zander as well. "Good to see you, old fellow," he said, and departed. Tomhas gave Ky a thumbs up and shut the door.

“Come! Sit!” Zander gestured at the sofa across from him. “Tell me.”

Ky strode towards him, taking a deep breath, then sat down on the edge of the sofa. She sighed.

“What is it?” Zander asked gently. “Getting cold feet?”

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not that. I just… am nervous.”

“About what?”

“The ceremony.”

“What part of the ceremony?” Zander asked. Ky had a long history of not knowing what she actually felt until led there by patient question after patient question. She was a complicated ball of emotions that just wanted so desperate to please everyone she’d ever met. She’d always been like that.

“What if I say the wrong thing during the ceremony?”

“Then you’ll laugh it off and say the right thing.”

“What if I can’t?” She sighed again, falling back against the sofa more fully. He made it seem so simple.

“Then I will simply make a snowball and throw it at whoever seems grumpiest and most likely to fight me if I do.”

Ky laughed.

Zander grinned back at her.