Can't you see?

Woe is me, woe is me,
Life has been unfair to thee,
A warm house, a full belly;
I have it bad, can’t you see?

A leather throne upon I sit,
Flaunting curses, rage and spit,
My poetry, an enigmatic fit;
Can't you see, can’t you see?

Party-less most every night,
Obtuse parents I do fight,
My cashmere fits much too tight;
Injustice! Can’t you see?

In desolate lands now meanwhile,
A plague upon mankind so vile,
I watch the screen with but a smile;
What about me? Can’t you see?

I love the sarcasm in this poem! The message is so clear and this is the same thing, I think, that lingers in the back of our minds but we do not bring enough light to it. Your poem carries a message of gratitude. We're so concerned with our own petty problems, we disregard what we do have. We're an ungrateful species, mankind.

A leather throne upon I sit,
Flaunting curses, rage and spit,
My poetry, an electronic fit;
I hate life, can’t you see?

This is the only line that doesn't seem to flow with the rest. Perhaps re-word it? Because the message is priceless and should not be changed.

As usual, brilliant work!


As always,

POKE

Trident,

Job well done. You delivered your message in a very sarcastic way that was straight to the point. I don't notice anything that was wrong (I think that you edited your post with rosethorn's suggestion.

Great job. Keep up the good work.

J.

Well done, Sir Trident! I think I'll bookmark this one... it's too priceless to lose in the forums.

Thanks all! And thanks Fand for knighting me! I shall bring honor and light back to YWS and keep out the craptastic work that keeps invading our hallowed lands.

Amen!

(One small note - why "thee" in the first stanza? This is a first-person poem, and "thee" is second-person...isnt it? Or am I just not up on ye olde English? LOL)

You know what? You're absolutely right.

I tried to see if it was ever used in a case of first person or perhaps even third person formal (in which case I could get away with this usage) but it isn't. It is second person.

Well, it sounded good, didn't it?

I'll see if I can't change it.

Haha I thought it was fun to stick a random 'Thee' in there!

That was awesome, the sarcasm beyond the awesome.

Nice!
Meg

Yeah, you know what? I'm going to change it back. I liked that line too much to change it. It sort of mocks those who think their life is so bad.

*trident changes it back*

Well, I liked the woe is me line too, it is also mocking--they use it in films now at mocary material.

They are equals! haha