The war path

Yeah! Thanks shaf! BTW, I like nicknames! Specaly mine... (Spelling on purpose...)
As for the boring chapter...sorry about that but the next one will reviel more.

As those other people said before...SPELLING. Sometimes it gets annoying when reading something that has so many spelling errors. Like so:

"Bob had too filll in te blak or else he wold get a F."

-I'm exaggerating, but still..
-Plus, isn't it kind of hard to read it?

JUST A SUGGESTION

Spelling errors in writing is like...hm (pauses to think, then falls asleep). Oh yes, flies. Little, tiny things that are somehow extremely annoying.
"So annoying, yet so little!" screamed the frustrated editor, "How is it possible!"

I just fixed it! *happy dance* Now read it...

CHAPTER 2
________________________________________

"Three coppers....it's a lot but oh' well." Murmurs went about the small kitchen hold. Tom-cat sat in a corner by the table, watching the ship's captain, Jezzera, pace. The whole crew, about five people, sat watching as she explained what had happened and what was about to happen. "Jazz...what if we waited awhile and saved some money? I mean we could all get jobs.." Wedge had spoken from his seat beside the door, the skinny man had said it gently but Jazz acted as though he had snapped an order at her. "No! Ramoth could get away by the time we save up enough." She snapped stopping long enough to glare at him. The crew exchanged looks of boredom, they had been doing this for two years and it was wearing on them all. Here lately more fights were braking out, and they normally worked well together. Seeing that the crew was tired Colt took the reins . "Jazz, the crew's tired...." He gave her a "We need to talk" look and stood up. She stopped and with a defeated sigh nodded at the crew, they murmured good nights and went to their quarters for the night. On her way by Tom-cat gave what she hoped was a encouraging smile. Jazz merely nodded and Colt gave a weak smile back, Tom-cat wanted to hear what they were discussing so she headed to the deck with the rest and waited until they were safely in their quarters before slipping over to the grate that was directly over the kitchen. With a glance around her she gently slid her fingernails under the grate and lifted it up, she could now see that Jazz had seated herself at the table with Colt across from her, Colt was talking. "Jazz, you know as well as I do that this wearing on everyone." From her position Tom-cat could only see Colt's face, he was wearing a worried frown. "I know." Came Jazz's worn out voice. "I know. It's just I'm so close!" At the last part she slammed a fist onto the table. Colt didn't even flinch.....
"Jazz, this is unhealthy. I know how bad he hurt you but look at you! Your not sleeping, barely eating and your hands are ripped up from all the knawing you do!" He responded, leaning closer. Jazz was quiet.
"I'm with wedge. I think it's time for a break."
With that he stood up and walked to the stairs, Tom-cat replaced the grate as quietly and fast as possible then stood up and went to lean over the railing. Hoping it would look as though she was simply enjoying the view and thinking, she heard Colton come up the stairs and tried to put on a dreamy look.
"You ok?" She gave a startled look and turned to Colt. he was standing with a questioning look. She nodded and gave a smile, with a sigh he put an arm around her shoulders.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"About?"
"Jazzy's rampage."
With a frown she looked out at the waters, calm in the clear night. It was true that all this non-stop travel and constant investigation of every piece of land was wearing on everyone but there was a piece of her that, like Jazz, wanted to catch Ramoth and make him suffer for the hurt he had caused. He and Jazz were best friends and when he betrayed her for a treasure map that probably wasn't real it had hurt everyone.....
It had caused tension between friends, moodiness and hurt.
But no one was hurt as bad as Jazz. At first she kept herself isolated, and stayed in her hammock, under the covers. But soon her grief turned to rage and she vowed revenge.....
She hadn't stopped looking since then. And it was causing strain on everyone, mostly her.
"I think it's time for a break."
At that moment both she and Colt jumped as Jazz stomped up the stairs and stormed into quarters at the other end of the ship.
"She knows I'm right."
Colt said giving Tom-cat a squeeze. She just yawned in reply.
"Night." Colt said giving Tom-cat a gentle shove toward quarters.
"What about you?"
She asked taking a step.
"I need to think."
He didn't need to say anymore, Colt was often spontaneous but when it came to big things he thought most of them through....if he had the time. If not he jumped in, often times ending up in trouble.
But Tom-cat knew that she loved him and that would never change.
************************************************
Jazzera lay on her hammock fuming.
How dare he!
She thought angrily, all she wanted was to find Ramoth.
Make him pay then they could get on with their lives.....
But no. They were bored, how that could happen she didn't know.
Hoping it would help she let out a sigh, amazingly her anger ebbed. I guess he was just trying to help......
It was true that he had always looked after her like a brother would, but they were both stubborn. And that often got in the way.
Feeling better, Jazzera rolled onto her stomach. She lay for a few moments thinking. About how it would feel to just take a break, relax and let her hair down. Maybe...
Sleep started to cloud her mind but she didn't want to sleep. But the ship's rocking motion soon took over and Jazzera fell into unconsciousness.

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I do hope this is better... I tried to pay attention to paragraphs and did spell check.

Friendly reminder: To make something italic, highlight it (or select it, whatever you call it), then hit the button at the top that says "i."

Ok. I'll try

Nara stood at the pub of the green leaf whipping it down. She had just started her shift, it was noon and already the town of Qushek was abuzz. People were out shopping at the trader's market, which had come into town just yesterday, many of them were staying in the green leaf. Nara knew they were not the best people to hang about but when drunk enough would pay large amounts, and when not drunk told marvolus stories about their "adventures" at sea. Most of them made up but entertaining all the same, and if there was a good enough story in the paper they would talk for hours about how they had somehow been involved in it.......
Nara looked out the window with a sigh, sunlight streamed into the cabin like first floor of the pub. The cozy arm chairs and books by the fire looked inviting, but Nara needed this job to work.
She and her brother, Thor, Were left to their uncle after their parents were killed. At first it had worked out well, but it got harder as Thor and Nara got older. Their Uncle couldn't take it and started drinking, now he rarely even talked to them except to yell at them. Most of the time Thor got it the worst, because he was oldest and in the army so he was expected to carry a heavier work load. But he was a good sport and brother, today he had promised to stop by for at least awhile. Nara jumped as the door slammed open, dropping the rag she was holding. With a groan she picked it up and came up to find a large girthed man with a round, bull dog like man with sparkling blue eyes. "OY! Nara!" He shouted, his voice booming through the small room. "lookie here!" He said comming over to sit and slamming a news paper down on the counter. "Hey george.." Nara responded looking at what he had just slammed down. At first she saw nothing...then.........

PIRATES RUMORED TO BE COMING TO QUESHEK!

Yesterday royal officals arrived at the King's place to warn of a possible danger. One week ago Pirates raided the kingdom of Islidon on the northern edge of the land, they were spotted afterwards heading south. Possibly for more raids, so Queshek is now on alert. Any suspisous persons are to be reported to officals. King Othmear has put extra gaurds on patrol, Most of them in port. (Continued on page 4)

It was small but packed a wallop, the last Pirate raid had happened more than thirty years ago. It had taken over one hundred lives and distroyed Queshek. It had taken an additional 10 years for the town to recover, and even longer for people to come to grips with the fact that life would probably never return to the normal they had once known.…
Although things did improve and now a memorial was held every year and life was returning to the way it used to be.
Nara looked up at George wide eyed, "You really think....that....but..." She stammered putting down her rag and sitting on a stool across from him. He nodded.
"No lies, me best mate was over there when it 'appened. He was one of the people that rode with the royal officials to bear witness." With a sigh Nara picked up the paper and scanned it.
That article was the only one worth looking at, she hopped that Lilly and Caleb came soon.
Lilly and Caleb were the children of the king, Caleb and Thor worked together and soon became friends. That was how Nara and Lilly met, Lilly and her brother now occasionally visited the pub during quiet hours, often times falling asleep. But Nara always woke them up so that they didn't get in trouble with their father.
They were both struggling to get along with him, their mother had died some time ago and it was showing. Now Caleb lived in a room above another pub, Lilly denied it very time but Nara knew it was a matter of time before she left as well.
"It's a shame......."
She said recovering.
"Who would do such a thing?"
George simply shrugged.
"Well, I best be off. Ye can keep that paper."
George said getting up, Nara waved as he headed back out.
But the silence wasn't around for long; Nara was given a second scare moments later as a girl with flaming red hair burst in.
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Now you can comment!

Hi Krys!
Many apologies for not getting around to this sooner!

Krystalstars wrote:"Three coppers....it's a lot but oh' well." Murmurs went about the small kitchen hold.

Who's speaking?

Tom-cat sat in a corner by the table, watching the ship's captain, Jezzera, pace.

You mean "Jazzera?" Otherwise, why would it be Jazz instead of Jezz? And after you say her full name once, I'd suggest going back to "Jazz" so you don't confuse the reader.

The whole crew, about five people, sat watching as she explained what had happened and what was about to happen. "Jazz...what if we waited awhile and saved some money? I mean we could all get jobs.." Wedge had spoken from his seat beside the door, the skinny man had said it gently but Jazz acted as though he had snapped an order at her. "No! Ramoth could get away by the time we save up enough." She snapped stopping long enough to glare at him. The crew exchanged looks of boredom, they had been doing this for two years and it was wearing on them all. Here lately more fights were braking out, and they normally worked well together. Seeing that the crew was tired Colt took the reins . "Jazz, the crew's tired...."

Redundancy! You can just give Colt a beat (small action) and have him speak his line. His line says it all.

He gave her a "We need to talk" look and stood up. She stopped and with a defeated sigh nodded at the crew, they murmured good nights and went to their quarters for the night. On her way by Tom-cat gave what she hoped was a encouraging smile.

Good characterization in this paragraph, but the point of view is somewhat inconsistent. It's Tom-cat's point of view, right?
You need more paragraphing. Every time someone new speaks, a new paragraph starts.
"Breaking," not "braking." (By the way, the spelling's much better! )

Jazz merely nodded and Colt gave a weak smile back, Tom-cat wanted to hear what they were discussing so she headed to the deck with the rest and waited until they were safely in their quarters before slipping over to the grate that was directly over the kitchen.

Long sentence; try a semicolon after "smile back" for an easier read.

With a glance around her she gently slid her fingernails under the grate and lifted it up, she could now see that Jazz had seated herself at the table with Colt across from her, Colt was talking.

She lifted the grate with her fingernails? That must not be a heavy grate.
This is a very big run-on sentence. I'd really suggest starting a new sentence somewhere in there or at least using a dash or a semicolon.

"Jazz, you know as well as I do that this wearing on everyone." From her position Tom-cat could only see Colt's face, he was wearing a worried frown.

Try taking out "he was" for a tighter read.

"I know." Came Jazz's worn out voice.

Remember the punctuation rules for dialogue! It's supposed to be:
"I know," came Jazz's worn-out voice.

"I know. It's just I'm so close!" At the last part she slammed a fist onto the table. Colt didn't even flinch.....

You can delete "at the last part."
You don't need the ..... Just use a period.

"Jazz, this is unhealthy. I know how bad he hurt you but look at you! Your not sleeping, barely eating and your hands are ripped up from all the knawing you do!" He responded, leaning closer. Jazz was quiet.

Do you mean she gnaws on her hands? Is she self-abusive?

"I'm with wedge. I think it's time for a break."
With that he stood up and walked to the stairs, Tom-cat replaced the grate as quietly and fast as possible then stood up and went to lean over the railing. Hoping it would look as though she was simply enjoying the view and thinking, she heard Colton come up the stairs and tried to put on a dreamy look.

"Wedge" is capitalized.
Too many run-on sentences!
Either call him Colton or Colt for consistency's sake.

"You ok?" She gave a startled look and turned to Colt. he was standing with a questioning look. She nodded and gave a smile, with a sigh he put an arm around her shoulders.

You can do better than this. What does she do when she's startled? Describe the questioning look for better characterization.

"What do you think?" he asked.
"About?"
"Jazzy's rampage."
With a frown she looked out at the waters, calm in the clear night. It was true that all this non-stop travel and constant investigation of every piece of land was wearing on everyone but there was a piece of her that, like Jazz, wanted to catch Ramoth and make him suffer for the hurt he had caused. He and Jazz were best friends and when he betrayed her for a treasure map that probably wasn't real it had hurt everyone.....
It had caused tension between friends, moodiness and hurt.
But no one was hurt as bad as Jazz. At first she kept herself isolated, and stayed in her hammock, under the covers. But soon her grief turned to rage and she vowed revenge.....
She hadn't stopped looking since then. And it was causing strain on everyone, mostly her.

You say "hurt" a lot. Can you change it?

"I think it's time for a break."

Who says this?

At that moment both she and Colt jumped as Jazz stomped up the stairs and stormed into quarters at the other end of the ship.
"She knows I'm right."
Colt said giving Tom-cat a squeeze. She just yawned in reply.

AUGH! Sorry, I have a prejudice against the word "squeeze." It's too... general.

"Night." Colt said giving Tom-cat a gentle shove toward quarters.
"What about you?"
She asked taking a step.
"I need to think."
He didn't need to say anymore, Colt was often spontaneous but when it came to big things he thought most of them through....if he had the time. If not he jumped in, often times ending up in trouble.
But Tom-cat knew that she loved him and that would never change.

Too much telling instead of showing. Show Colt's personality in action.
Correct the punctuation in the dialogue. Commas, not periods!

And that is all I have time for. Sorry! Hopefully I'll be back later for more. See ya!
Cheers! ~Shafter

Shafter wrote:Hi Krys!
Many apologies for not getting around to this sooner!

Krystalstars wrote:"Three coppers....it's a lot but oh' well." Murmurs went about the small kitchen hold.

Who's speaking?

Tom-cat sat in a corner by the table, watching the ship's captain, Jezzera, pace.

You mean "Jazzera?" Otherwise, why would it be Jazz instead of Jezz? And after you say her full name once, I'd suggest going back to "Jazz" so you don't confuse the reader.

The whole crew, about five people, sat watching as she explained what had happened and what was about to happen. "Jazz...what if we waited awhile and saved some money? I mean we could all get jobs.." Wedge had spoken from his seat beside the door, the skinny man had said it gently but Jazz acted as though he had snapped an order at her. "No! Ramoth could get away by the time we save up enough." She snapped stopping long enough to glare at him. The crew exchanged looks of boredom, they had been doing this for two years and it was wearing on them all. Here lately more fights were braking out, and they normally worked well together. Seeing that the crew was tired Colt took the reins . "Jazz, the crew's tired...."

Redundancy! You can just give Colt a beat (small action) and have him speak his line. His line says it all.

He gave her a "We need to talk" look and stood up. She stopped and with a defeated sigh nodded at the crew, they murmured good nights and went to their quarters for the night. On her way by Tom-cat gave what she hoped was a encouraging smile.

Good characterization in this paragraph, but the point of view is somewhat inconsistent. It's Tom-cat's point of view, right?
You need more paragraphing. Every time someone new speaks, a new paragraph starts.
"Breaking," not "braking." (By the way, the spelling's much better! )

Jazz merely nodded and Colt gave a weak smile back, Tom-cat wanted to hear what they were discussing so she headed to the deck with the rest and waited until they were safely in their quarters before slipping over to the grate that was directly over the kitchen.

Long sentence; try a semicolon after "smile back" for an easier read.

With a glance around her she gently slid her fingernails under the grate and lifted it up, she could now see that Jazz had seated herself at the table with Colt across from her, Colt was talking.

She lifted the grate with her fingernails? That must not be a heavy grate.
This is a very big run-on sentence. I'd really suggest starting a new sentence somewhere in there or at least using a dash or a semicolon.

"Jazz, you know as well as I do that this wearing on everyone." From her position Tom-cat could only see Colt's face, he was wearing a worried frown.

Try taking out "he was" for a tighter read.

"I know." Came Jazz's worn out voice.

Remember the punctuation rules for dialogue! It's supposed to be:
"I know," came Jazz's worn-out voice.

"I know. It's just I'm so close!" At the last part she slammed a fist onto the table. Colt didn't even flinch.....

You can delete "at the last part."
You don't need the ..... Just use a period.

"Jazz, this is unhealthy. I know how bad he hurt you but look at you! Your not sleeping, barely eating and your hands are ripped up from all the knawing you do!" He responded, leaning closer. Jazz was quiet.

Do you mean she gnaws on her hands? Is she self-abusive?

"I'm with wedge. I think it's time for a break."
With that he stood up and walked to the stairs, Tom-cat replaced the grate as quietly and fast as possible then stood up and went to lean over the railing. Hoping it would look as though she was simply enjoying the view and thinking, she heard Colton come up the stairs and tried to put on a dreamy look.

"Wedge" is capitalized.
Too many run-on sentences!
Either call him Colton or Colt for consistency's sake.

"You ok?" She gave a startled look and turned to Colt. he was standing with a questioning look. She nodded and gave a smile, with a sigh he put an arm around her shoulders.

You can do better than this. What does she do when she's startled? Describe the questioning look for better characterization.

"What do you think?" he asked.
"About?"
"Jazzy's rampage."
With a frown she looked out at the waters, calm in the clear night. It was true that all this non-stop travel and constant investigation of every piece of land was wearing on everyone but there was a piece of her that, like Jazz, wanted to catch Ramoth and make him suffer for the hurt he had caused. He and Jazz were best friends and when he betrayed her for a treasure map that probably wasn't real it had hurt everyone.....
It had caused tension between friends, moodiness and hurt.
But no one was hurt as bad as Jazz. At first she kept herself isolated, and stayed in her hammock, under the covers. But soon her grief turned to rage and she vowed revenge.....
She hadn't stopped looking since then. And it was causing strain on everyone, mostly her.

You say "hurt" a lot. Can you change it?

"I think it's time for a break."

Who says this?

At that moment both she and Colt jumped as Jazz stomped up the stairs and stormed into quarters at the other end of the ship.
"She knows I'm right."
Colt said giving Tom-cat a squeeze. She just yawned in reply.

AUGH! Sorry, I have a prejudice against the word "squeeze." It's too... general.

"Night." Colt said giving Tom-cat a gentle shove toward quarters.
"What about you?"
She asked taking a step.
"I need to think."
He didn't need to say anymore, Colt was often spontaneous but when it came to big things he thought most of them through....if he had the time. If not he jumped in, often times ending up in trouble.
But Tom-cat knew that she loved him and that would never change.

Too much telling instead of showing. Show Colt's personality in action.
Correct the punctuation in the dialogue. Commas, not periods!

And that is all I have time for. Sorry! Hopefully I'll be back later for more. See ya!
Cheers! ~Shafter

Aha! Thanks a mill Shaf! Helped alot...

Some what irritated at the girl's lack of manners Nara picked up her rag and plastered on a smile. Before she could greet her a handsome young man with blonde hair came in behind her, gave her a look that suggested he was irritated with her too and came up to the counter. "I need nine rooms." He said with a apologetic look, Nara nodded and retrieved a large black book from under the counter. It held records of what rooms were being rented out and payment. Scanning the list she saw only eight rooms were available. "Sorry, only eight...." She said putting the book back. He looked over at the girl who was looking at the paper with wide eyes before nodding. "We'll take them." Nara smiled, "That'll be eight silvers."
While he counted it out she took the opportunity to look at the girl, she was looking at the paper with wide eyes. her feet were crossed over each other as she leaned on the counter. Nara wondered who she was. Her cloths, though nice, were dirty and her black sweater hung fairly loosly on her. Nara was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of Silvers. With a smile she took them and put them in the box that was locked into the wall. She then retrieved the keys for the rooms and handed them to the boy, then got the book out again and put down the rooms in use before looking at the boy. "I need your names." He gave a weary smile before reciting them. "Jazzera, Colton, Tom-cat, Talon, Wedge, Ven, Nerf, Quinia and Buck." Nara was surprised at the names given, they sounded more like nicknames that real names but she tried not to let it show. "Take the stairs up, room numbers are on the keys. Bathrooms upstairs as well."
The boy gave a grateful nod. "Let's go get everyone Jazz."
He said looking at the girl, she looked up with jolt. Nara could tell she was processing what he had said, it took a moment but when she did she nodded and straightened. But hesitated...
"Can I take this?"
She asked holding up the paper. Nara nodded, even her voice was odd. It was like she was barking a order. The girl gave a small smile and fallowed the boy out. Nara was now quite alone.
****************************************************
"It has to be Ramoth!"
Jazz said running to keep up with Colt, wich was a task as the streets were crowded with shoppers. Even though she couldn't see his head she knew by his rigid back that he was annoyed with her. He had been since breakfast when she had asked if they really wanted to give up. She though it a fair queston but the crew seemed to think otherwise, Tom-cat stuck with her but she could tell she was close to breaking point. Even though she had only asked three or four times! "Drop it Jazz!"
Colt called over his shoulder, slowing a little. She sped up a bit and drew even with him.
"C'mon! Who else would put up his flags that plainly stated he was trouble, march right up to the gates without even trying to hide his identidy?"
She asked waving the paper in his face.
"Jazz! ENOUGH!"
Colt suprised, even scared her, as he stopped dead in his tracks and wirled to face her. Eyes narrowed, teeth clenched,Blue eyes snapping with angery energy.
"Just cool it."
He hissed giving her one last glare before stalking off again. Jazz huffily fallowed him, she was the captain but sometimes the crew over rode her. Geez, what's up his butt?
She thought, carful to stay out of his eye sight but close enough so as she didn't get lost.
______________________________________________________________
Not done!
Silvers = 1 dollar

excellent!!!

Tanks alanna!

Your welcome,Stars.