talking to the faces in my floorboards

mckaylaam

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Sat Mar 20, 2021 7:24 am

mckaylaam says... · Sat Mar 20, 2021 7:24 am

talking to the faces in my floorboards

(napo year 2)

✩

(2020 - 3am thoughts - status: complete)

✩

table of contents (click to show list)

Spoiler

day 1 - i need a new form of transportation
day 2 - speak up (i can't hear you)
day 3 - i'll make the cranberry sauce
day 4 - learning to live without you
day 5 - I've been told I'm an old soul
day 6 - it's all in your head

✩

goals

this year, much like last year, I'm aiming to write one poem every day for a total of 30 by the end of the month. i'm not too sure how this will go, since april 2021 is looking to be busier than april 2020, but i'm determined to do my best and see where my writing takes me! :-)

✩

Last edited by mckaylaam on Wed Apr 07, 2021 4:46 am, edited 2 times in total.

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

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mckaylaam

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Thu Apr 01, 2021 11:25 pm

mckaylaam says... · Thu Apr 01, 2021 11:25 pm

day 1 - i need a new form of transportation

--

yesterday i was at our bus stop,
the one with the anti-capitalist graffiti
that has yet to be scrubbed off
and the half-broken transit time sign
that we’ve learned to never rely on.

i sat down on the uneven metal bench,
the coldness seeping through the worn-out tights
you always loved to see me in
while my hands maintained their tight grip
on a thick water-logged novel.

i’ve stopped searching for your face while in big crowds
and i’ve stopped listening to your favorite artists
for the sake of learning to move on,
but i can’t seem to stop visiting our bus stop
and hoping to see you there,

waiting.

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

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mckaylaam

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Points 3561

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Sat Apr 03, 2021 2:14 am

mckaylaam says... · Sat Apr 03, 2021 2:14 am

day 2 - speak up (i can't hear you)

--

my shower will not drain;
i feel like that must be
some kind of fucked up metaphor
for how my voice is s t u c k in my throat

or maybe it’s a metaphor for my brain
and how i’m having too many thoughts
about all of the different ways things could go w r o n g
which gets in the way of everything else

all i know is that tomorrow is a sunday morning
and maintenance won’t be available
for another 36 hours
and fixing things is something i am i n c a p a b l e of

--

Spoiler

This poem was somewhat inspired by one of the poems I wrote last year for NaPo titled clogged shower drains and unconditional love, but I promise it's not the same thing lol

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

mckaylaam

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Sun Apr 04, 2021 4:37 am

mckaylaam says... · Sun Apr 04, 2021 4:37 am

day 3 - i'll make the cranberry sauce

--

sometimes i wake up early enough,
when the sun still has yet to rise
and the birds have yet to start singing,
to turn on the coffee maker before i exercise

you never knew how to properly deal with my emotions
that would change as quick as lightning strikes
but you always came to me in my times of need
with a bowl of ice cream with my favorite toppings
or an offer to go on a sunday morning hike

as the coffee drips out into the mug you gave me
for my 14th birthday when i decided to stop hating the bitter taste,
i hear the neighbors start their car up
and start to feel homesick for people who can never be replaced

--

Spoiler

this is a poem inspired by my dad, who always makes cranberry sauce every year for thanksgiving even though nobody else will eat it

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

mckaylaam

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Points 3561

Reviews 29

Mon Apr 05, 2021 2:41 am

mckaylaam says... · Mon Apr 05, 2021 2:41 am

day 4 - learning to live without you

--

you carried me in the rain so that my feet wouldn’t get wet
after stepping in the puddles that collected in your driveway
and you held my hair back when i had food poisoning
after we got our favorite takeout for your birthday

and so when that day came,
when you said you no longer loved me,
i felt like i was losing my twin flame,
but maybe i was just showing too much co-dependency

--

Spoiler

i've been feeling very meh about my poems this month so far, but maybe i'll check out some lists of prompts and find something that really excites me

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

Elfboy

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Reviews 48

Mon Apr 05, 2021 2:59 am

Elfboy says... · Mon Apr 05, 2021 2:59 am

These look great @mkaylaam! I only skimmed them for now because it's late and I have a lot to do in the morning but I'll read them all tomorrow! I like the style you have here, I can't wait to see the rest ^^

"What is grief, if not love persevering?"

--Vision

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mckaylaam

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Tue Apr 06, 2021 4:47 am

mckaylaam says... · Tue Apr 06, 2021 4:47 am

day 5 - i've been told i'm an old soul

--

content warning: this poem briefly addresses certain content that might be triggering for some people (s*lf h*rm, SA, etc.), so please be aware of this before reading (i'd be happy to put a spoiler warning for my poem if it's necessary but i wasn't sure if i needed to do so)

--

when did i grow up so fast?

was it when i saw my mother collapse
at the age of eight and feared for her life
or was it when i heard that my father had relapsed
and wondered why he struggled to hold a butter knife?

was it when my body started to change
and awful men started telling me i was a pretty young woman
or was it when i saw at close range
what happened when men were told no?

was it when i learned that no matter how hard we try
there are still times when all we can do is cry?
or was it when i found out that the sun will someday consume the earth
and we can never be quite sure if there is ever such a thing as re-birth?

when did i grow up so fast?

--

Spoiler

this is the first poem this month that i feel like i really like, but it's also the darkest one and it definitely addresses some darker moments in my past. writing this was very cathartic

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

alliyah

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Points 136272

Reviews 1283

Tue Apr 06, 2021 7:35 am

alliyah says... · Tue Apr 06, 2021 7:35 am

Hi mckaylaam! <3 It's so good to see your poetry on the site again, you have such a strong introspective poetic voice, and I'm hearing some similar themes coming up this year that I remember from last year too! <3

Really like the nostalgia vibes in your cranberry poem and that last line, "and start to feel homesick for people who can never be replaced" AHH lovely ending, and the words you've chosen there, YEP, I can relate to very much.

(Side note, but you asked in your last poem if you need to put your pieces in spoilers, and normally in the forums YWS doesn't require spoilers for mature content - but giving some sort of content rating just like you did for violence or language is definitely good. And other ones I think are always a nice courtesy too <3)

Your last poem is also very powerful, and you did a good job building up each little scene there in a way that sounds personal / authentic, and yet I think a lot of people can unfortunately connect to. oooof.

These concluding lines were really powerful too: "or was it when i found out that the sun will someday consume the earth
and we can never be quite sure if there is ever such a thing as re-birth?"

Ah! Nice job so far, keep going you've got this!

you should know i am a time traveler &
there is no season as achingly temporary as now

but i have promised to return

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junipers

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Tue Apr 06, 2021 3:26 pm

junipers says... · Tue Apr 06, 2021 3:26 pm

ah I loved these poems! You have such a unique style. keep writing!

psalm 147:3- he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

love ya

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mckaylaam

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Points 3561

Reviews 29

Wed Apr 07, 2021 4:38 am

mckaylaam says... · Wed Apr 07, 2021 4:38 am

day 6 - it's all in your head

--

today it started out like this,

you were in the car with your best friend,
singing along to the radio
and driving all around the town
because hey, it’s the weekend.

but then you saw something you couldn’t comprehend,

and then you heard something that you weren’t quite sure
was even there to begin with.

this is how it has been
and always will be,

because you can’t remember a single time
when the faces in the floorboards stopped looking at you
or the voices in the attic didn’t send shivers down your spine.

--

Spoiler

a poem inspired by recent events with my anxiety

@alliyah Hi there! It's good to hear from you again <3 I appreciate the feedback on my poetry and the encouragement! (Also thank you for the info on mature content - I didn't think that spoilers were required for forum posts but I just wanted to check of course)

@hannah0528 Thank you so much for your comment! I genuinely appreciate it

@Elfboy Thank you! I've been busy lately with classes so I totally understand not having a lot of time during the day to read/comment

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

mckaylaam

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Points 3561

Reviews 29

Thu Apr 08, 2021 3:31 am

mckaylaam says... · Thu Apr 08, 2021 3:31 am

day 7 - lessons in self-love

--

i want to fall in love with myself again

because nothing hurts more than when you realize
that you’ve lost the sparkle that was once in your eyes
and you started to pay too much attention to the size of your thighs,

and nothing hurts more than when you feel your heart break
while you stand in front of the mirror for the first time in weeks
because thinking of your appearance gave you a headache.

i want to fall in love with myself again

because nothing feels better than being able to wake up
and know that you are alive for a reason,
even if it’s only to pluck the flowers that bloomed after a rainy season.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

mckaylaam

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Points 3561

Reviews 29

Fri Apr 09, 2021 1:43 am

mckaylaam says... · Fri Apr 09, 2021 1:43 am

day 8 - broken machines, broken promises

--

the sign on the vending machine read
“out of order: sorry for the inconvenience”
with 4 exclamation marks
and a sad little face.

i couldn’t help but feeling like i could relate,
because i, too, have recently felt out of order
and i’ve been told i apologize too much,

but it’s the only way i know to relieve the heaviness
that i carry in my heart and on my shoulders
from years of feeling anything other than first-rate.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

Hijinks

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Points 21923

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Fri Apr 09, 2021 7:20 pm

Hijinks says... · Fri Apr 09, 2021 7:20 pm

Hey mckaylaam!!! gosh you've got some really striking poems this thread! You're so good at encapsulating a metaphor or certain image or idea into one short poem, which (being someone who's chronically long-winded) I find super impressive in a poet <33 your language and imagery also tends to be super raw and honest, which I always find to be the most impactful - nothing about your poetry feels like it's pretending, if that makes sense haha ^^

you carried me in the rain so that my feet wouldn’t get wet
after stepping in the puddles that collected in your driveway

^something about this image feels so nostalgic and familiar to me even if I've never experienced that particular thing <3

when the faces in the floorboards stopped looking at you
or the voices in the attic didn’t send shivers down your spine.

^aaaah such a haunting way to end a poem !!

lessons in self-love -> <333 so relatable :/ I love that you ended on an uplifting note here though, but not in a way that feels unrealistic or overly optimistic. Also adore the rhyming scheme, and how the line "i want to fall in love with myself again" stands out on its own and breaks that rhyming scheme; it makes it all that more bare and weighty.

broken machines, broken promises -> oooh the comparison in this one is so,, random, I want to say? I certainly would've never thought of it,, but it fits perfectly and makes a lot of sense now that you've put it into words. I love the simple, unassuming descriptions you use in this one, like "with 4 exclamation marks / and a sad little face" !

Overall you've got an awesome thread going on here c: best of luck for the rest of NaPo!! <3

When you're faced with something you don't understand, I think the most natural thing but also least interesting thing you can be is afraid.

-- Hank Green

they/them
(previously whatchamacallit and Seirre)

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mckaylaam

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Points 3561

Reviews 29

Fri Apr 09, 2021 11:30 pm

mckaylaam says... · Fri Apr 09, 2021 11:30 pm

day 9 - freshman year dorm room

--

soft white light from the parking lot
seeps through the gaps in her broken blinds
and illuminates the otherwise pitch black room,
something that keeps her awake more often that not.

light drizzle hits her window,
interrupting the usual silence of the night
that can be so deafening and yet
at the same time such a delight.

--

Spoiler

@whatchamacallit Hi!! Thank you so much the feedback on the poems I've written so far <33 All of my writing comes from a truly "real" part of me so I'm glad you can see that it's not more "pretend" like you said haha. I appreciate the encouragement though, it's comments like yours that make me want to keep pushing through difficult times while writing :-)

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

Quote

mckaylaam

Gender

Points 3561

Reviews 29

Sun Apr 11, 2021 3:54 am

mckaylaam says... · Sun Apr 11, 2021 3:54 am

day 10 - for you, made with love

--

if you want to know what unconditional love tastes like,
all you have to do is eat my mom’s homemade chicken soup;

it’s what she made on those cold and cloudy days
when i would stay home from school or work,
her go-to cure for any feelings of malaise.

--

--
"And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone."
♡

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