In the photograph from 1943, for my grandfather

6 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1160
... this... was sort of scary... I don't know. Maybe I'm being stupid but the part with "Grandmother is young... a smile without teeth." ... hmm... I'm like, pre-mature tooth decay?

I like this... I really liked the lines from "A stranger might call you happy..." to the very end.

This was beauitful, but there was just something that could've been more about it, I'm not sure what, I'm forcing myself to start writing again, so far it's not working :)

---Elizabeth




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
Nice ending. Simplistic, but beautiful.

Here's another from that day;

Awkward transition.
Carpe Diem.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
Hey Brad, I loved this. I think this poem is wonderful. From my understanding, the speaker is looking at old photographs, back when Grandma looked young and pretty. Grandpa's appearence is not described, but there is a reference to war which leads me to believe that he has not been quite the same since. Grandma, too, is not smiling fully. The heart of this poem is really in the details and what is not shared. It kind of reminds me of a Hemmingway poem where you really have to look beneath the surface in order to understand it. I love the close, how you liken the red jacket photagraphed in black and white to the grandparents and how even though they look happy, there is a thick, grey atmosphere that tells us something completely different.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 18178
Reviews 1259
Yeah, I limked the juxtaposition of happiness and reality. You wrote this in a style similar to your older poems. It's a voice I like.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1586
Reviews 402
but I see how the cold is manifold like small fibers woven


This line seemed too long. I don't know-it just seemed like I was stumbling over syllables in this one.

But other than that, the poem was brilliant! I loved your imagery, and the reministic air you had throughout the poem, and all from a photograph. Awesomeness, Brad!

Wiggy ;)
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
Oooooooh... I like this.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D



I hope everyone's safe and sound and has some potatoes in the pantry.
— Arcticus