Academic angst

So close to the half-way badge, and yet so far away. Oh well. I've already produced more poems than I did with my first attempt at NaPo, and have definitely written more than I otherwise would have this month. I'll consider that a success even if I can't get the last few in on time

#10

They say that energy is conserved,
biological systems adapted
to use every single ATP molecule
that passes through the body.

So why do I feel that my body
is a vacuum that sucks energy
even faster than it can be made,
leaving me tied to my bed --

My covers my armor,
mattress the life support,
pillow the only cushion
for my fragile condition.

Woo! Made it to page two at last! Kinda ran out of inspiration in the last two stanzas but I think this will be one I'll come back to sometime when it's not 2 am anymore

Ichthyology
noun
the branch of zoology
that deals with fishes

A definition as cold and lifeless as the fish that lie in the market
with glassy eyes, blank stares, and stiffened fins,
half buried in ice or wrapped in cellophane,
yanked from their home but not yet into yours.

A bland descriptor in black and white,
ignoring the rainbow flashing through the sea,
the radiance of a clownfish tucked in his anemone,
and the brilliance of bioluminescence dancing in the depths.

Cartilaginous fishes mighty and powerful,
larger than buses as they cruise through the currents,
Rhincodon filter feeding for plankton and krill:
The passive giant of the great blue world.

Agnathans basking in their antediluvian beauty,
lacking jaws, paired fins, and a spinal column,
yet finding their way into the hearts of ichthyologists young and old
demanding their place on the research docket.

Sarcopterygians with their lobed-fins,
primitive and delicate,
the living fossils that never cease to amaze
and the lungfish holding onto their place in the world.

Actinopterygii with astounding diversity,
ninety-nine percent of thirty-five thousand species:
Paedocypris unimaginably small swimming through Asian swamps,
giant Mola flattened and gliding through every ocean in the world.

Maybe not very academic, but it's very angsty

#12

The key to secret addiction is graduality --
instant responses to texts slowly become eventual and then don't come at all,
bottles are drained one shot at a time, too subtle for a roommate to notice,
friends get bored and wander away before they can be concerned.

It's one hour longer spent in bed each day,
one more class missed under the pretense of being "sick" --
one more person in your support system pushed away,
one more therapy session cancelled.

One day you look up and suddenly find yourself trapped,
dragged down by a succession of single choices,
building upon one another to form the solidarity of your isolation,
your only remaining comfort the same rum that brought you here.

Idiot. Undergraduate. Alcoholic. ~ Some titles just fit those who can't fit in.

It is officially no longer April in my timezone, so I suppose a few final remarks are in order.

I am considering NaPo 2019 a success! I had a vague hope of hitting the half way badge with 15 poems, but I hadn't actually set myself a solid goal, just wanted to pump out some angst. Considering I only did 6 poems my first attempt at NaPo, I'm pretty happy with 12 this year. Maybe next year I'll be able to increase even more!

Thanks to @alliyah and @Querencia for consistently reading and dropping likes on my poetry! That definitely did not go unnoticed and was very appreciated encouragement to carry me through the month.

Speaking of encouragement, my NaPo buddy was absolutely the best, so huge shout out to @Arcticus for also reading through my thread and frequently dropping me encouraging messages! I used your kind words to find the motivation to write several of these poems and appreciate your faithfulness to being my buddy (and also getting to read through your thread this month -- like legit I got the best NaPo buddy deal this year, hands down ).

Until next year, y'all!

@ShadowVyper Thank you so much! I loved our flexible, non-committal NaPo buddy arrangement, customized to what both of us wanted, your encouraging posts every week also played a part in keeping me committed to my 30 poems goal! And 12 is actually a very good number. Congratulations for writing more than last year!