"But is forgiveness really a right, or is it just something we tell ourselves we require to move on? I...I don't even know if I can forgive myself after everything, even if I wanted to."
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
Wilson sighed again. "I won't tell you what to believe Kratzer. And you gotta take steps when you're ready to. And maybe you're not yet. That's okay too. But just know..." she pat him again on the back. "Someone out there likes you. And that person's me!"
"You wouldn't if you knew everything," he said somberly.
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
He laughed a little ruefully. "Unless you're a psychopath I somehow doubt you realize what you're saying."
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
Wilson's grin faded into a frown, and then she repeated Kratzer's words back to him. "UnLeSs yOu'Re A pSyChOpAtH I sOmEhOw DoUbT yOu ReAliZe wHaT yOu'Re SaYiNg."
"Ja, I doubt you realize what you're saying and unless you're like Auryon you probably care," he rephrased, waving a hand dismissively. He's too drunk for this.
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
"Like I said, I r- ran away a long time ago." Damascus sighed and rested his head on his folded arms, "I fell in love with the human world, and I just knew that if I were to go back.. I would be misherable. As long as I am here and not doing my job, however, I will continue to be hunted. Sho, my problem ish this: is being truly happy worth all this trouble? Or should I follow my... deshtiny, I guesh, and try to make the most of it?"
With a frown, he stared into space, voicing the gist of what his inner monologue had been for a very long time. When he was finished, he peeked up at Schadel, his eyes defeated and slightly sad.
"I'm just shooo suhooo tired. I want tah find peace."
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Wilson found herself sticking her tongue out at him almost spitefully, but then she stopped herself. What was she doing? She was supposed to be encouraging him and trying to understand him. Not get offended by his little jabs. She groaned. "Okay fine, well just give me a minute then to live your life for a second, then I'll decide if I like you or not, you persistent little ball of sad."
She reached out and touched his shoulder, sighing as she peered into his life once again.
For him, it only took a few seconds.
But for her - time being... flexible for her and all - she lived it like it was happening. When she opened her eyes she was solemn, though tears filled her eyes again. She took a second to find words, and a tearful smile spread across her face.
The tears had finally stopped falling and he was gazing vacantly into his nearly-empty bottle. "And what the Hölle is there to like in a man like me?"
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
"I've killed children," he says with a shake of his head. "I've tortured people and killed them all because I couldn't handle my own pain any longer. Because I couldn't...couldn't be cut open again. I should've died that day when I was a kid, and that ficking angel spared me, and all I've done is ruin chance after chance with hubris and fear and that verdammt hunger to survive."
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
"Uhhh, yeah I mean. We can all agree killing kids is messed up. And I saw it. And it was really messed up. You're just in a place where you're so buried in your own guilt and regret - understandably so - that you can't see a way out. But you know you ought to change. Know you should. Know you probably should've sooner, but Boomslang and your dad and all these other people did some really messed up things to you and you ended up doing things you regret. So what? Own up to what you did, but acknowledge that a bunch of other people had a hand in it too. It's not all your fault. It's not all theirs. Hubris isn't just being prideful in thinking you know what best for others, sometimes it's pride in thinking you know what's best for yourself. And let's face it, you don't, if you think the best thing to do is wallow in your own self-hatred. And I know that's hard to hear and probably only fuels your self-hate more - cuz then it's got you going 'oh I shouldn't hate myself, but I hate myself because I hate myself,' and on and on. But there is a way out of that cycle. It just... takes a support system you admittedly don't currently have. It really isn't something you can do all by yourself. It's something that like, normally I would say you need counseling for, but I have a feeling in your reality there aren't any counselors equipped to deal with the complexity of your past, being a vampire and all."
"I can't have anyone," he replies. "Even if I want to, because they will get hurt and I...I can't have more blood on my hands. Not with more people I care about. And I don't...I don't want to have them be next on my hit list..."
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
Schadel smiled. That, thankfully, was something she knew the answer to. "Go after your own happiness," she said. "Don't let other people tell you what your destiny is, or what you're supposed to do. You're your own person. It's hard, but it's worth it when you get to hang out with the people you care about."
She looked over in Edward's direction; he was in the middle of downing yet another drink.
