Sirius Black is Gay (UPDATED!)

Tropicana · 2006-09-24T16:00:26Z

Hi, I'm sorry if the gay topic offends anyone in anyway I didn't mean for it to be like that. I just thought that if you've read the Harry Potter books that you know that Sirius Black was a total womanizer in his day. This story is kind of like the ultimate revenge. We'll read on if you'd like! =) Sirius Black is gay. There’s no other reasonable solution. He. Dumped. Moi. No man dumps ‘God’s gift to men’ –no straight man anyway. Ok, yes maybe I’m a bit of a b*tch at times…but only for good reason! Like when the hottest, most charming guy in all of Hogwarts dumps me! The sexiest, hottest, prettiest, most amaaaaazing girl in all of Britain. It doesn’t add up. Which is why I know and I think all of you know that he his most definitely totally and completely gay. -------* “Siri! Siri, dear!” I called down the corridor, “Wait up!” He froze and turned, and looked at me with tense shoulders, “What is it Angie?” I kept my smile in place though I was dying (absolutely dying) to stick my tongue out at him. “Oh, nothing really, I just wanted to let you know that your secret is safe with me.” I turned up the sympathy in my voice. Inwardly I patted myself on the back- Mother’s acting lessons are starting to pay-off. For a moment a look of alarm passed over his features, but then they relaxed and he shook his head, causing his wonderful black hair to flop into his gray eyes; a poor attempt to look mysterious, “My secret, m’dear?” Honestly, he needs the lessons more than I do. “There, there.” I patted him softly on the cheek, “I know it’s difficult to admit at first but it will get easier. I promise. You’ll finally be able to stop leading those poor girls on.” I put my hand on his shoulder and his merely amused smile turned into a serious frown. “What are you on about Dussell?” I noted the use of my last name. I gave him a look that clearly shouted pity, “Okay Sir-“ “ Sirius ,” he muttered and brushed my hand off his shoulder. “-I understand, but I know you’ll share your secret openly someday. Hopefully-for your sake- it will be soon.” I spun on my heel and headed back to my common room. -------* I sighed contentedly in front of the fire in the Hufflepuff common with my best friend Celia right next to me. Celia was my opposite in looks and personality -a Courtney Cox to my Jennifer Anniston- a brunette with big chocolate brown doll eyes and a huge conscience. Where as I was a short blond with blue-gray eyes and a history of escapades ending in disaster, we were balanced. “Revenge is definitely sweet, right up with sugar quills.” I said jokingly. She giggled and her wavy brown hair bounced up and down wildly, “What are you going to do to him?” Her brown eyes widened, “Wait, no, don’t tell me. You’re going to make him look gay!” I frowned at her, “Yeah…how’d ya know?” “Well it’s what you did to Alex when he dumped you, and Nick and come to think about it… I think you’ve done it to every guy who has dumped you.” “Ugh…” I took one of the pillows from the couch and buried my face in the Hufflepuff crest, “Shut up.” She rolled her eyes at me, “It’s not a big deal, you’ll just have to change it up a bit.” Encouraged I lifted my head, “How so?” She smiled evilly (I swear I’m a bad influence on this girl), “Well… it’s mostly the same,” I lowered my head back down to the pillow, “just a little more…extreme.” Interested again I sat up straight. “Instead of making him look gay, make him look like a transvestite.” (SEE! BAD INFLUENCE!) Both my smile and hers grew wide. “Brilliant, Cellie, Brilliant! -------* The next morning I got to the Great Hall early eager to see if my little ‘scheme’ would work. Fortunately for me Sirius’s IQ must have dropped about 30 points since I went out with him, he didn’t even noticed what I had done. -Recall- “What are you on about Dussell?” he asked, my hand reached a little over his shoulder toward his bag. I gave him a look, “Okay Siri-” I unzipped the bag a little. I slipped a couple of ‘items’ into his backpack, “ Sirius ,”he corrected me and brushed my hand off his shoulder. “-I understand, but I know you’ll share your secret openly someday. Hopefully-for your sake- it will be soon.” I spun on my heel and headed back to my common room, with a satisfied smirk on my face. -End Recall- Entering the Great Hall I walked over to the Hufflepuff table and quietly snuck up behind Celia, “Cellie!” I yelled in her ear. She jumped nearly a foot. “What was that for!?” she clapped her hands over her ears, “Argh, my ears are going to be ringing for the rest of the day.” “You know you love me.” I said cheekily and sat down next to her and started piling waffles on my plate, she ignored me and started eating again. “And,” I continued, “you’re going to love this!” Celia turned to me and raised one eyebrow in question, “Just watch.” I told her. As I ate I kept my gaze fixed on the doors to the hall, keeping an eye out for Sirius, this caused a few problems I’ll admit- (Angie! You knocked your OJ on my Potions Essay!!)-but nothing that couldn’t easily be fixed with a quick wave of a wand. When he arrived with his friends I stopped eating anyway- the waffles lay soaking up the syrup beside them. (“You gonna eat that?”) Sirius and his best mates James, Remus and Peter strutted (Well Sirius did…) over to the almost full Gryffindor table. As they reached the table, four empty seats all next to each other- curtsey of the I ♥ the Marauder’s Club (Minus Peter). The Marauder’s were the pride of Hogwarts the four most brilliant, charming, talented, handsome students that anyone had seen in a long time. (Again Minus Peter) Sirius was known as the rogue, handsome and charming with a new girl every week. (Why didn’t I realize why before?) And what was even more unfair was that he was brilliant in every class with out trying. And there’s James Potter, Sirius’s best mate, close as brothers, they even looked somewhat alike, both tall with shaggy black hair. James was a Quidditch player, the seeker. He carried the snitch around with him and played with it when ever he was bored he’d play with it, catching it and letting it go and catching it again. James didn’t date very often; he was too far gone with Lily Evans, a red-haired Gryffindor who hated his guts. She had good reason I’ll admit- James and Sirius always seem to either be plotting some new prank or picking on Severus Snape some Slytherin with greasy hair. (Again, why didn’t I notice this before???) Then Remus Lupin, he’s sort of the nerdy, smart, quiet type. That’s not to say he’s not good looking, because he is. He has this whole relaxed, don’t-care-what-you-think air about him. Every once in a while he’ll get sick though and look terrible for a few days, all pale and sickly, and then he will be back to full swing, all happy and healthy looking. Last Peter, Peter Pettigrew, what a terrible name huh? He doesn’t look much better. He’s kind of pasty, his hair is brown but all… washed out so it looks kind of gray and he has these watery blue eyes and weird pointy front teeth. Over all he’s kind of gross, short and sweaty all the time. I don’t really understand how someone like Sirius could be friends with, Peter. He doesn’t even talk, he just laughs and laughs at what ever any of his friends think to say. It’s annoying. When I saw those girls scrambled to make room for the Marauder’s I did the natural thing- I rolled my eyes, they were so easily deceived by good looks and charm. Some may call me a hypocrite since I had been one of those girls, but that was before I knew. Before I knew how big of @ssholes they were. Disgusted I turned to Celia to engage in some sort of distracting conversation, but before I could open my mouth I heart James’s voice cut threw the noise in the Hall. “Oh la la Padfoot! Looks like you’ve been keeping a secret from us!” I could see Sirius shaking his head madly and mouthing the word, ‘No’ over and over. James brandished a thick piece of parchment with little hearts over the front Sirius’ name was written in neat calligraphy in the middle. “Let’s open it shall we?” Most of the school had caught on to going on with the Marauders and it was really quiet while James opened the letter. I swear I heard a faint “Oh God.” From Sirius and I smiled wide. “James!” said Sirius, “Stop!” He made a lunge for the letter but missed and slipped off the bench. James didn’t even blink. He finally had the letter open in his hand and his eyes grew wide as he read out loud, “ Dear Sirius, I had fun the other night. I never knew you were so loving! I enjoyed your kisses in the broom closet! Yummy. I hope we’ll do it again soon. I can think of a couple of things I’d love to do. Love, He stopped and I knew why, it was one thing to read a love note to your best mate to the whole school, but it was a totally different thing if at the same time you were outing your friend. James’s face turned bright, bright red and he shoved the letter at Sirius and walked quickly from the Great Hall. Sirius just sat there and read the letter and his face turned an even deeper red then James’. I think most people thought the letter was from Lily and so he was just pissed at Sirius, which kinda defeats the point of it- but still Sirius looked more embarrassed than I’ve ever seen him so I accomplished what I had been trying to do. Then suddenly Sirius stood up and stalked over to the Hufflepuff table, he had probably figured out that it was me who put the letter in his bag. I got up and grabbed my bag and started to run out of the Hall, but he beat me to it; Sirius grabbed my elbow and dragged me out of the Hall and down the corridor to the staircases. I looked at his angry face and flashing eyes and finally grasped the fact that I was in some deep crap. (A/N :that sounds funny!!!!) -------* “What’s your damage, Heather?” I snapped, when he dropped my arm. “My name is not Heather!” He said indignantly. I sighed obnoxiously, “I know it’s not your name, it’s a muggle-” “-Saying.” He cut me off. Sirius sighed and some of his obvious anger dissipated. “Um, yeah…” I scuffed the ground with the front of my shoe, “So…why’d you bring me out here?” “Why do you think? I’m not stupid, Angie.” I rolled my eyes but said nothing. The two of us stood saying nothing for a minute, until Sirius made a disgusted noise and walked away. -------* Hope you'll liked the start! This is probably going to be a three part thing. I'm pretty much done with the second part and I'm going to start the third. =) Hopefully you'll all like it enough to read all three! -Maggie

Cpt. Smurf

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Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:47 pm

Cpt. Smurf says... · Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:47 pm

I thought it was good, I like the way you introduced a completely new character to the HP world, who, by the way, really is a nasty piece of work!
The only thing that I thought was a little odd was the fact that these characters were in school in, what, the 60s/70s, and you were comparing Jennifer Anniston to Courtney Cox...? Not that it really matters, I'm just picky that way!
Keep it up!

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Cpt. Smurf

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Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:06 pm

Cpt. Smurf says... · Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:06 pm

Really good!! I found both second and third parts the more readable, they seemed more interesting and funny!! It's fun to twist things from the books, as if they're in a whole different reality, as we know sirius really isn't gay!! It makes you wonder what would have happened had he really been like that...?? Very interesting take on a great story!! I'm just rambling on at the mo, but very good!!

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VampX13

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Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:14 pm

VampX13 says... · Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:14 pm

Personally, I like it the way it is. It's sort of an awkward and sharp twist but just because that wasn't what I was expecting.

I do think Sirius and Angie should end up together but after Sirius ... sexual exploration is complete. That is simply because they're personalities don't exactly fit and I like to match up the mismatching.

Good job.

*Gets out her magical crystal ball:* Do I see a sequel in the future? Most definately.

"I'm an actress, not a beauty." -from the movie, Stage Beauty

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LOST

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Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:02 am

LOST says... · Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:02 am

Yey an uppie!

“Who was kissing? Who , Cell?”

“Remus and…and Sirius!” AHHHHHHHHHH! You take the two hottest guys in HP and take them both away from us!?!?! Dude. I think they're playing a joke on Angie. Muah ahahahaha

“Wait!” She called and ran over and put on some lippie and a bit of mascara. She shrugged at me, “Ya never know…” Haha. That's a good line.

He's...really...gay?!?!? But...he's so...hot...and...awesome...and...*Cries*

Good writing and really funny!! Is it over or are you updating again?

*Votes for update*

*Is scared by Mr. D's sketchiness....*

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Tropicana

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Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:52 pm

Tropicana says... · Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:52 pm

GibsonGirl: Hahaha, yes poofy things do rock =)

I have an idea about a sequel...muahahaha!! Actually, I've got a few in mind.

Jack Shepherd is Gay (yay Jack/Locke)

And another one that I might not want to post on here...you never know who reads these boards. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Wooot! What is it?

Kazsmurf: Thank you for reading! You've got a good point about the Courtney Cox/ Jennifer Aniston thing... I'm not really sure of any popular idols from back then with the same qualities... Hmm, research time. Haha.

VampX13: Mhmm, I see what you mean. I really wasn't planning on this ending. It really wasn't what I had planned... Aw well.

*Gets out her magical crystal ball:* Do I see a sequel in the future? Most definately.

*Dances* Yay!

LOST:

AHHHHHHHHHH! You take the two hottest guys in HP and take them both away from us!?!?! Dude. I think they're playing a joke on Angie. Muah ahahahaha

Haha...That'd be funny.

He's...really...gay?!?!? But...he's so...hot...and...awesome...and...*Cries*

Good writing and really funny!! Is it over or are you updating again?

*Votes for update*

Yep. Really gay. Hehe, surprising I know... Thanks! I don't think I'm going to update again. I might do a sequel thing in someone elses perspective. Hmm...

And I'm scared of Mr. D's sketchiness too. Wayyy too strange.

♥Maggie

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Max McKali

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Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:00 pm

Max McKali says... · Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:00 pm

lol, that was great. I'm with Lost though, you can't take the two coolest characters away like that!!!!! I'm glad Remus isn't gay though

I like the way Angie is turning out, she's an interesting character. Can't wait to keep reading!

"All for one and one for all- that is our motto, is it not?"

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wasitadream?

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Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:08 pm

wasitadream? says... · Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:08 pm

Maggie! I love how Sirius really is gay! Even though he is hot... But I couldn't have him anyway, so it's ok. But how sad! He finally gets up the courage to kiss Remus and Remus just.... dissed him completely! Bad Remus! HOW DARE YOU BE STRAIGHT!!!! AUUGGHHH If Remus and Sirius were real people, I would totally have crushes on them. (And obviously not want them to be gay). But since they're not real.... THEY ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER! Sorry I just really like that ship. Ok deep breath in, deep breath out.
Anyway.... Cute story! Funny ending. Some parts kind of skipped around randomly. Like, storylines that start and then never come back. For example, who signed the planted "love letter"? We need more information.
And sequelwise, YES! You can't just end it like this! Poor Sirius! Maybe he and Remus can kiss and make up! *wink* *wink* I like how this story, instead of from the traditional Remus or Sirius POV, is from an uncanon character. Interesting spin....More please!
Julia
PS I’m not a bloody poofter! I love that line
PPS Emily, thanks (about the avatar from a wicked long time ago)
PPS Emily, I think we need one called Alex Karev Is Gay, am I right???

open up, we're coming inside
you can't run so you might as well hide
we got the place covered from head to toe, head to toe

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LOST

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Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:46 am

LOST says... · Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:46 am

wasitadream? wrote:PPS Emily, thanks (about the avatar from a wicked long time ago)
PPS Emily, I think we need one called Alex Karev Is Gay, am I right???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, we so do. And you're welcome!

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Writers_Block

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Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:07 pm

Writers_Block says... · Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:07 pm

GibsonGirl, I totally agree, Sirius is SO HOT. Any who, Hilarious story, I was drinking a vitamin water during reading and it came out of my nose several times...

If you believe in Bartemius, put him in your siggy!: @(^_^)@

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