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Um, yeah, this is pretty interesting. I want to read more. I didn't see anything wrong gramitically, although I'm definitly not the best in that area. One criticism I have, ...

Ya I really liked this a lot, it reminds me of my nights around the camp fire telling scary stories. My only critical response to this is that it got ...

This was very well written with not a bad story backing it. Regarding your question of developing this into a full length story, I wouldn't do it simply because it's ...

Yeah this was very powerful. I liked how you kept it brief, I think it created a more realistic setting because you kept it brief. Um whatever happened to her ...

Your writing is fantastic. I liked how you kept useless descriptors to a minimum, definitely a sign of a mature writer. I have friends that are just like the characters ...