wonderland

Alright, so, well, then. I'll do this verse by verse. Your first verse made no sense. Why are you using language used back in Shakesperian times? Was that supposed to ...

Alright, so, I couldn't get over the first two paragraphs. Twin full moons shone down brightly on the palace. In the moonlight one could see every detail, the rough stone ...

Alright so, hello, dialogue. Way too much. There was way too much dialogue and minimal everything else. A story isn't just talking, it's also details and emotion, majorly emotion. If ...

Alright, so, good start to a beginning. You give a good setting and scene, but in whole your MCs reaction seems totally fake. She wouldn't just curse, she'd probably cry ...

ALright, so, it's a good beginning, albeit simple. You could expand here a bit, I think, give some background. Right now, your premise seems a little bit random. Well written, ...

Alright, so, this is a prologue, yes. I tend to dislike prologues, unless it's absolutely necessary for your story. This one just struck me as bland and cliche, espically with ...

Alright, so, Instead of using two POVs per chapter because that will confuse the reader, why not just give them separate chapters? That will let you give the reader everything. ...

Alright, so, woah. After such a greatly done prologue, I started reading this one and my confused metre was raised. THe first three paragraph gave me so much information you ...

Alright,so, wow. That was very good, actually. Honestly, with a cheesy title like 'Kiss Of Death' I was assuming it'd would have something to do with cheesy vampires. I'm still ...

Alright, So, firstly, that was very choppy. Writing is put into paragraphs, that connect sentences together. Truthfully, that is just basic skills. But here, it just shows everything in a ...

Alright,so, it's in one of those states. Just that finished, but unfished state. some you need work on is the flow. Are you going to put this to actual music, ...

Alright, so, I have a couple of points here. I entered Mr. Nash’s room, and glanced at the clock. I sat in my assigned seat labeled “Mark”. I was the ...

Alright, so, I'm slightly confused as to whats going on. Very confused, actually. Don't be afraid to put more details in, answer such questions as 'why', 'what', 'when', 'who', and ...

Alright, so, I though this was going to be some lovy dovey poem about how someone's lover died in their arms. Thank you for that pleasant surprise. I really enjoyed ...

Alright, so, I could see that this is a snippet. But you have no description or detail, and that sightly bothers me. I have about zero idea whats going on ...