wonderland

My phone jumped to life on my bedside table. It echoed loudly throughout my small New York apartment. I reached across and flicked on the brown faux lamp illumanting the ...

Alright, so I've read the first two chapters. and I really was to tell you that you ned to put emotion i your writing. Your last part had some emotion, ...

Hate isn't the word I should be using. It's just too strong. Maybe the thing between us is, um, uh. Well, okay --I can't think of any word but hate. ...

That was a very good, very strong beginning. I really liked your character development, already, you have a couple of strong MC's, just make sure they don't get out of ...

Hey, welcome to the YWS! I'm WickedWonder Alright, so, I found there is a lot of potential in your piece. You have strong description-boost it with some imergary, and emotion ...

So, whats up with the strikethroughs? it's something not usually used with novel writing, but you defiantly have an interesting style of writing. Its kinda like Laurie Halse Anderson (Who ...

Hey, you're Wicked too. Cool. I'm WickedWonder I'm gonna review. Alright, so firstly, go back, and re read. You've got some grammar mistakes (Such as missing commas). Next- Slow it ...

So, you aced this. You got every emotion and every single description perfect. (And I know a lot about this topic) I love how you kept Katrine's name until the ...

What just happened? It was pretty confusing, I'm not gonna lie. What you need to do is slow down, a lot, and describe the setting, emotion, and everything. Lil: Hey ...

That was very, very, very good. The way you described it was perfect, it gave me chills in every way. I can tell you have major potential with your writing. ...

Okay, since it's late where I am, I gave your other chapters a quick skim before commenting here. I need to talk to you on your character development Lily Petals? ...

Oh, that was cute. Well written, and the POV/Perspective you chose to write from (Third person, present tense) is super tough to write from. I really likes your setting, with ...

Hmm. You truly do need more description and more emotion. Be constantly asking yourself the important questions- Who, What, When, Where and Why? (And How) For emotion, thats huge. What ...

I didn't read the first draft, so I'm not sure how you improved. I'll just take it from here. Firstly Near the town of Faith there was beautiful forest. In ...

That was pretty interesting. So he dies at the end? Right? Although it was interesting, it seemed pretty rushed. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't pay attention in class (You ...