wonderland

Im going to tell you now that I didn't read the first chapter. Anyway, this chapter was very 'do-this-do-that' add some detail, describe the setting, and add emotion. Emotion is ...

And? To be fully honest, this just seemed like one of those chapters you write when you have writers block-which is to say empty and pointless. It's one of those ...

Alright, so, this is probably going to be a shorter one, because everyone has covered everything else. If I could have gone into my heart that night, I would have ...

Im going to say this now. You have too much dialogue, not enough description and details. You need to find the perfect balance between the two, don't go too overboard ...

I'm gonna say this again. You really need to add description. Right now you just have some dialogue, and thats not enough the keep a reader entertained. You need to ...

I think you have too much dialogue and not enough description. Reading that, I just felt confused, and sort of lost. What you should do is slow it down, really ...

Alright, it was short, but, in some places, quite confusing. This may be because you have too much going on at once. Rushing upstairs , she heard faint knocking coming ...

Hey. Here as requested. (I'm sorry if this review is terrible, Im tired.) So, it seems like the other people got onto your grammar/nitpicks/spelling case, so I won't repeat what ...

ALright, so, I'm pretty new, so I haven't read the first chapter. That really doesn't matter for this review, becuase I want to say something about you beginning. Night found ...

Okay., well, that was a very choppy time skip. What happened during those months! Annabelle and Joe just can't be that perfect couple They must have fought or something. And ...

Well, that was tough to read. I'm not sure if it's the spacing here, but your paragraphs are spaced oddly. But its just on you main work, so I'm gonna ...

Okay, so. It's a good start. At some points, like here, (Quoted below) You get to tell-y. Show me what her room looks, show the reader what she's feeling. Paint ...

To me, it wasn't that suspenseful. THats basically because I felt no emotion while reading. You tell the reader a lot. Your should slow it down, add more description. Paint ...

I actually had to skim this because it was hard to read. Remember to always start a new paragraph with dialogue, which you do in some places, but not others. ...

Yay! This is much, much better then your original. Having two black parents, with a completely racist father, I can totally get where your coming from. It's totally unfair that ...