Published October 6, 2010
Hey there all of you. So this is a story which is going to be written jointly by Bluewaterlilyand Shubhi. This is our new combined ID. The prologue is here and all yours now. We'd be glad to have your help and if you need reviews you could contact us on our individual IDs. Thanks a ton!
Here's the Club for the novel, join us: Page
If I could have gone into my heart that night, I would have introduced you to the ruins that Eric had left me into. The valves would have been contracting close to each other and the flushing crimson red of my heart would have been reduced to a weak pale vermilion.
Through the mist that the smoke formed, I could make out one thing, which I could have never even missed in my dreams. His hands were rolled around her waist, and his lips widened into a heart warming smile. He gently pulled over the strands of her black curls behind her ears and with the remaining ones he made a spiral, covering his finger. She tilted her head a bit, admired his square face with her rolling eyes and then the magic spread.
For the next few minutes it was only Eric and Ellen on the dance floor and there were hundreds of eyes piercing them and cursing them under their breath. For stealing their night. But in a hall packed of hundreds there were other hundred eyes which just couldn't stop wondering and appreciating the beauty they presented them with. The systematic rhythm that their body had gained and the slow momentum with which they revolved around the stage was a spell for every couple.
When my eyes couldn't bare more of it, I twitched back my glance at my love for now, Jake. His teeth, rowed in a straight line, his neatly trimmed brows and the sweet smell of his cologne made its way through my throat. The boy who stood before me could very well had been the dream boy of any girl, and even after persistent efforts, I found no fault in him. But why couldn't he be my dream? Why did my face keep on dodging to where the epic couple was dancing? Why was the agony of seeing them together cutting down my heart into pieces? The answer sat right there in front of me, but my eyes just didn't want to see it.
I clutched onto Jake's shoulders a bit more tightly, afraid to lose his love as well. I had already lost Eric and losing Jake would have been a total defeat. He held my waist tightly, knowing very well that all his efforts were going in vain. I breathed in his smell, took breaths according to his heartbeat; I just wanted to be his. But you know how the heart is. No coordination with the mind!
For the hundredth time during the prom night, I rotated my head to peer in their direction. Their lips moved towards each other. Gently, he tilted her head up to his as his lips brushed softly against hers. The gesture was so tender and loving, it pierced my heart with pain and jealousy. I had to look away, tears stinging my eyes. I wore the same facade I had been trying to don all this while; I tried to seem happy with my partner. But inside, my whole world was falling apart, and my heart felt like a piece of glassware, shattered into a million pieces.
I knew then...Eric was unforgettable.
In case you didn't notice, all these weird mistakes are characteristics of my writing, i.e. Shubhi's...So thanks for bearing with them. Blue wrote the kissing scene.
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,564 Reviews
Alright, so, this is probably going to be a shorter one, because everyone has covered everything else.
Thats a good opening.
And then, for me, it just went downward.
Your MC seems fickle. She's with one boy, but yet in love with another. Pretty shallow and vain. Also, I'm sorry, but kind of cliche and seen a lot in teenage novels. You are gonna have to think about what is gonna happen, make it less Cliche.
Also, you should take a Mary-Sue Test on your MC. (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html) Make sure she isn't too perfect.
~WickedWonder
I liked this, I saw a few errors but everyone else took care of them. I was hanging the whole time. I think the title drew me in and got me to read this.
Hello! This was nicely written. I love the theme here. It is so sad but sweet at the same time. It is very relateable. I loved the first paragraph. It captured the feelings of the character well. This is a nice start.
Very good prologue. Good luck with the rest.
I think you did an amazing job on this prolouge. I didn't see much wrong and I can't wait to read more! (Sorry if I wasn't that big of a help.)
~Cassie~
Hey, guys! =)) Blue (or water or lily) and Shubs (or Shubhi) LOL, I'm here to review as requested by Shubhi. =D/ YAY!
My nitpicks and comments will be in pinkish font.
Hello, guys! This was good. The descriptions were written wonderfully. This is a good start! Very interesting. You've started with a situation that her love was gone. Hmm....is there a possibility for them to be together again? =P A few nitpicks, but minor mistakes only. Hmm...I don't know what else to say. Probably because this is just the prologue.
Keep up the collab guys! I'm excited to know how this will end! =D/
~~ Jash ♥
Hi there! What can I say? It's more than wonderful!
Like most of the reviewers, I loved the opening paragraph! The way you combined those words together and came up with an engaging start was genius.
Certainly, I was engrossed with the MC already. I want to know more about her. I want to read more!
This is definitely a good read and I'm looking forward to reading the first chapter.
Smiles,
Alexxa
Hey there, Flower here as requested. Sorry I am so late.
Here's the Club for the novel, join us: Page
If I could have gone into my heart that night, I would have introduced you to the ruins that Eric had left me into. The valves would have been contracting close to each other and the flushing crimson red of my heart would have been reduced to a weak pale vermilion.
Through the mist that the smoke formed, I could make out one thing, which I could have never even missed in my dreams. His hands were rolled around her waist, and his lips widened into a heart warming smile. He gently pulled over the strands of her black curls behind her ears and with the remaining ones he made a spiral, covering his finger. She tilted her head a bit, admired his square face with her rolling eyes and then the magic spread. I think on the hair part it would sound better if it were just a single strand. Then he could play with it. It would make it easier to read.
For the next few minutes it was only Eric and Ellen on the dance floor and there were hundreds of eyes piercing them and cursing them under their breath. For stealing their night. The for stealing there night is a bit random. If you want it to fit here I would add it to the previous sentence. Or maybe even add it to the next one since you started with a conjunction. But in a hall packed of hundreds there were other hundred eyes which just couldn't stop wondering and appreciating the beauty they presented them with. The systematic rhythm that their body had gained and the slow momentum with which they revolved around the stage was a spell for every couple.
When my eyes couldn't bare anymore of it, I tswitched back my glance at my love for now, Jake. His teeth, rowed in a straight line, his neatly trimmed brows and the sweet smell of his cologne that made its way through my throat. The boy who stood before me could very well had been the dream boy of any girl, and even after persistent efforts, I found no fault in him. But why couldn't he be my dream? Why did my face keep on dodging to where the epic couple was dancing? Why was the agony of seeing them together cutting down my heart into pieces? The answer sat right there in front of me, but my eyes just didn't want to see it.
I clutched onto Jake's shoulders a bit more tightly, afraid to lose his love as well. I had already lost Eric and losing Jake would have been a total defeat. He held my waist tightly, knowing very well that all his efforts were going in vain. I breathed in his smell, took breaths according to his heartbeat; I just wanted to be his. But you know how the heart is. No coordination with the mind!
For the hundredth time during the prom night, I rotated my head to peer in their direction. Their lips moved towards each other. Gently, he tilted her head up to his as his lips brushed softly against hers. The gesture was so tender and loving, it pierced my heart with pain and jealousy. I had to look away, tears stinging my eyes. I wore the same facade I had been trying to don all this while; I tried to seem happy with my partner. But inside, my whole world was falling apart, and my heart felt like a piece of glassware, shattered into a million pieces.
I knew then...Eric was unforgettable.
I didn't read the last part till after the review, so forgive me if I messed something up. I really did like this for a prologue. Other than some things that would sound better reworded it was very nice. I didn't see many grammatical errors, and the things that seemed like errors that I didn't comment on were supposed to be there.
I really don't see much wrong with this peice, and I am eager to read more of the novel. Sorry I couldn't be of more assistance.
-Flow-
Hi BlueShubs...I am sorry for my lateness. But I'm here so lets get on with this...I apologise if I repeat what previous reviewers might have said as I haven't read their reviews yet.
If I could have gone into my heart that night Being my naturally awkward self, I'm going to have to tell you to either cut this line or the re-phrase it. I know exactly what you meant, but it seems quite awkwardly worded., I would have introduced you to the ruins that Eric had left me into. The valves would have been contracting close to each other and the flushing crimson red of my heart would have been reduced to a weak pale vermilion. Your introduction is unique, and interesting. It kept me hanging on for more, I also -being extremely stupid- had to look up the word Vermilion
That was basically my entire nit-pick because I thought the other reviewers would have already pointed them out.
-Characters: I liked your MC, and for a prologue, I thought she was well introduced to the reader for the short time.
-Style: I think you (Shubs) and Bluewaterlily have successfully incorporated both your styles into this so seamlessly that it's hard to know who is who, until it's explained.
-Overall:
I liked this, it was an enjoyable read. It was short, as a prologue should be. It gave us the exact amount of information, we needed to know and the characters were introduced. Your MC's feelings about the other characters were explained to the readers. Although I think you could have done a bit more in the Show not Tell bit, and I believe that this is a bit of an overused idea and I hope that you can make it your own.
With this, I bid you adieu...
(My internet is no longer working, so I don't even know what day this is going to get posted...argh!)
Thanks, for the review, Yuriiko.
I'll be sure to fix the errors~ Subhi and Blue.
Hello there BlueShubs!
I apologize for the delay because I've been really very busy with school stuffs and all. So, I hope this would probably worth the wait.
First of all, I think you have done pretty well on this prologue, good job you two. I think you are the first pair I have seen so far in YWS. Usually, most of the people here work alone, though I'm not saying that's a bad thing you know. It's just because, personally, I think working up with another YWser is really awesome. So I should perhaps shut my mouth now and go on to the review.
Okay. Saying this cliche' may have been beat to death already, that's because it should be. With that being said, your readers would not be intrigued at all and thus may lose their interest here. However, since this is still the prologue, I would really much appreciate some twists and unpredictables on the upcoming chapters.
Also, I think you two have really written this well, since there are less mistakes or awkward phrases I have read. Your spellings are almost perfect and not to mention, your descriptions! I'm really impressed on how you depict things, BlueShubs. You don't just literally say that your MC is jealous, but the emotions and the descriptions are flowing well throughout the story, that complements well with the feelings of your MC. And thumbs up for "showing don't tell".
Other things:
Did you mean to say, "my whole world"?
A comma would've come in handy there, after "minutes".
All in all:
I thank you for the good read. Thought there are just some slight mistakes and parts where it's really common, but just like I said, I'll consider it since this is the prologue. So, no minor judgement for now. Anyways, I also thank you for requesting and please do again request since I'm getting into the story pretty well. Latsly, hoped I helped and PM me for questions.
Keep writing and best wishes to you two!
Peace out,
Yuri
Thanks Isha for the review, we've edited those points.
And Sols, thanks for the comment.
And thanks May, Bibi and Sol, for liking it.
Hi Lily and Shubz! I absolutely love this prologue! I WILL keep reading this! *Clicks "like"* Thanks for writting this! You guys make the perfect team! *Sol highfives*
very beatiful,but one question when it sas "for the hundreth time during the prom night, I rotated my head to peer at their direction" isn't more like instead of peer its peek? (just asking ^^)
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT IS VERY COOL.
Wow! Alright so I'm finally here!
Alright, so corrections and such are highlighted in red.
The epic stuff is highlighted in purple!
And my own comments are in bold.
Overall, I liked the description in the paragraph. She really does sound crushed so far. Props to you. xD
Now I'm wondering, is Eric her boyfriend, or just a crush? Because if he's her boyfriend...Daaaang. (The boyfriend of the Main Character I mean)
Well, I'm guessing they're not a couple then. Or at least I'm hoping they're not. These two, the ones dancing, seem to be rather enjoying themselves. And maybe the attention too?
Alright, so I'm guessing they ARE NOT a couple. There we go. It's all about Jake. xD He does seem a tad cliche though, but sometimes I suppose you can be blinded to another person's faults. Especially if you really admire them.
So she lost Eric. Oh my. Okay, well that makes more sense now.
Oh my. Well, I do really feel sorry for poor Jake now. xD He's probably not feeling too high and mighty at the moment, is he? I probably feel more sorry for him than the M.C. Poor guy...
Well, I'm out of time, so I don't have much else to say! Can't wait to read more! Peace out!
Thanks a lot, guys.
I understand what you all mean by this being a sorta cliche. We won't reveal much but this isn't a simple love story and as Skins said we would introduce our own twist. So you can watch out on that.
Secondly thanks Kiwi for telling me(Shubhi) the scarlet thing. I don't know why I had this impression of it being a light colour. Maybe my pastels lied to me when they marked a light shade of red as scarlet.
Oh, we would work out on the flaws and then edit it. Thanks once again.
~Shubhi and Blue
Hey Lily! Shubhi!
I want to do one too, you make me jealous lol :3
(what else)
Whoot! A collab
So, anyway, I'm here to review,
Nitpicks/suggestions
I know this has been said already but I'm going to repeat it just for the heck of it. I think this is a gorgeous opener. The first sentence is just lovely, deep, catching and it definitely does it justice. *Applauds*
My only nitpick is the left me into part at the end. I know, I'm being overly picky, but technically speaking...ruins cannot be left into. Do you see what I'm saying?
You can say she would introduce you to the ruins he left behind or something along those lines but the left into part just isn't really working for me.
This description right here seems to be leaning towards the more negative side. Are they jealous of the beautiful couple? When I first read this, I thought the outsiders wanted to bite the couple's heads off. A zealous, angry crowd, is what I imagined. If they were jealous, I think this could have been written quite differently to get that, "I hate you but I admire the magic you two bring," kind of emotion.
I don't like this perfect repetition here, sorry guys.
Also, if he's so perfect, why not choose him and get over it, right? I mean, he's perfect!
Oh! Wait, she doesn't want a perfect guy? Cliche and somewhat unrealistic. If I found a perfect guy, I would jump on him and never let him go. I mean, who cares about the other guy then? If he was the dream-guy of every girl and he has you in his arms, I would hold tight and not look any other way.
On a second note, perfect is boring, that why perfect characters never get the lead role. Right?
It's the faults that we're attracted do. But I see where you're going with this character, I just wish he was less prince charming and more realistic.
But hey, it's romance! X3. I find romance to always be cliche, then again, I think love itself is almost a bit cliche. My thoughts.
I would loose a word in here.
The wording is a bit weird here...
Or maybe you could just leave out the, 'in case they should look' part because it's understood she wants to seem happy on the outside, to hide her true feelings.
Why on her neck? D:
Is there a specific feeling you were going for? Right now, I'm saying ouch and whoa! Blood! XD
Overall
First of all, congrats on getting this piece together. Penguin for you!
Now, back to the real critique. Dun, dun, dunnn!
For a prologue, I thought this wasn't very prologue-ish. It seemed to be more like a scene, but then, I thought about it again. It seems like this is scene from maybe the future? Is it a possibility that your story will start with Eric and the protagonist together and then they'll break-up and then she'll be with Jake, here at the prom where she realizes she won't have anyone but him. Then, she'll get back together with Eric. Am I right? Don't say it...I'll find out myself, xD. If I'm right, you give me a penguin! 8D
Alright, that being said, it seems to be quite predictable right now, but it's still too soon to tell. Who knows, maybe Eric will die, XD Okay, I'm going to stop. Since this is the prologue, I don't have much to comment on, I mean, if I should get into the grammar and punctuation, there were just a few things that I thought you missed, such as the commas and stuff. No biggie, plus I'm also aware of Shubhi's writing style so I left most of it alone and just commented on the things that stood out to me. Don't feel that you need to change them just because what I said, those were my thoughts so if you agree, then feel free to do as you wish
Well, this review is long enough for a prologue. I apologize for my rambling, I'm in the car right now and have nothing to do...thus I'm typing out more than I need to. Traffic...XP
Let me know when you guys post the next chapter
Oh! One last thing, nice job Lily on the kiss scene. It was nicely executed :3 (haha)
Much love,
~Shear
Hey there, guys
I'm here to review as requested! I apologise in advance if I repeat anything that's already been said... I'll try to be careful not to though, especially in the nit-picks.
Great opening
Overall
As a whole, this was a good prologue. I've actually tried writing a novel with a member from YWS before, but I had to stop writing it because I had too many exams and homework going on because it was the end of the school year. Reading this has made me want to do a shared novel again...
It's kind of hard to critique first chapters, let alone prologue's. I don't want to make any real judgements yet because it's only the very beginning of the novel. The only little thing I want to mention is that, right now, this novel's a tad bit cliché. Like I just said, considering this is only the prologue, I'm not going to complain about that. You guys have plenty of time to progress this into something that's original and has a really great plot. I'm just warning you in advance that the whole 'I'm in love with a guy but he doesn't love me' kind of thing has been used a lot. I'm pretty confident that you'll put your own twist on this and keep the story unpredictable and interesting.
The only other small thing I want to mention is that I noticed you using words like pierced, pointed, heart and glass quite a lot in this. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing... What I will say though is that you need to make sure you don't get a bit too repetitive with your descriptions and word choices. I noticed you using similar descriptions here and there in this prologue. Watch out for them. Except for those little nit-picks, there's nothing else I have to say. I'll hopefully be able to give you guys a better review next time xD
Keep writing and good luck with the shared novel,
xoxo Skins
hey....blueshubs! Welcome to YWS!!
haha.
I really love this as an opening. I smiled when I read it, dashed to the kitchen to make a hasty lunch and ran back to read. Nice hook, guys!Tanya here, for a review of course.
As for the nitpicks, Kiwi has them all down pat.
Great prologue. It pulled me in. We've all felt before as if our worlds were torn apart. Torn by some boy or girl we liked and I could totally relate to that.
Nicely done, ladies, and I can't wait to read some more!!
Pm me?
Tanya
Hey!
I really like this as an opening line, but the phrasing at the end is quite clumsy. Perhaps something like "left in me" or "carved in me" or "reduced me to" or something along those lines would make more sense.
Scarlet is in itself a bright, vivid red, so you can't really have 'pale scarlet'. Maybe choose some lighter shade of red or pink?
These mean the same thing, so there's not really any point in putting both of them. I would suggest going with just one.
"Row" is a noun, so using it in this way doesn't really make sense. It would be better with a verb like "stood", "shone", etc.
Love this bit.
To me, two different similes directly after each other is a bit too much. I much prefer the image of the heart shattering to the slightly random throat-scratching, which I would more associate with physical pain than heartbreak. Also, I found having them both meant the imagery was quite cluttered.
Overall though, nitpicks aside, I though this was a good prologue and did a great job of setting up the character dynamics. I especially liked the description of the heart at the beginning and the state her boyfriend had left her in. It would maybe have been nice to have some more about why exactly she's so besotted with this Eric character. But I assume that's all to come, and I hope you post more of this soon 'cause I'd definitely like to read it.