wish123

I agree with the others. Your premise is strong and could be developed into a great short story. I'll just review and apply some techniques to make your narrative more ...

Hi, I am also a bit confused. Instead I'll review the structural aspects. I would try to limit the amount of 'the' per paragraph, just to avoid too much repetition. ...

Really enjoyed reading the story line. The story was engaging, and well written. Try limiting the adverbs, and maybe develop more of a description which enables sensory language. You dialogue ...