windrattlestheblinds

determined assassination attempts probably should not be funny, but i’m definitely giggling about “for the SIXTH time” because kerani just. seems so exasperated by it all. and the whole “fine ...

so i’m a little conflicted about the opening dialogue—on the one hand, the conversation itself is a great bit of interaction and it feels very grounded and real, but the ...

hello i am here! finally!! i’m on the fence in terms of how this chapter opens; i think the content is good but something about how it’s written is falling ...

And hello again. Kerani’s sheer unadulterated levels of sass in the opening passage fill me with so much joy. Seriously—I flailed. And of course it makes for a bigger shock ...

Hallo! Reading this after having read bits and snippets of it already was weird. It all fits so much better as a coherent whole. That said—this feels really *fast* to ...

I know you said you wanted this torn apart but before I do that, I have to get this out of the way: HNNG. Your prose is so visceral and ...

So I had a lot of trouble getting through this prologue and I’ve been trying for a while to figure out how to articulate why, but I think it’s because ...

Hello! I did definitely get the feeling that you were struggling with this while I was reading. I think the main problem with this chapter is that it's... not really ...

Hi! I think the biggest problem I have with this is that the causality is a little hard to track. That’s kind of an important thing to be very clear ...

Hi! Couple things I had problems with here. First off, this whole chapter feels kind of rushed to me. Getting ready in the morning, going in for a job interview, ...

Hi! This is stronger than the old version was, but still suffers from the same problem—it’s basically an infodump. You’ve infused it with more character and that makes it far ...

Okay so I really like how this starts; it’s funny in a dry, of-course-this-would-happen-to-her sort of way, but also does a v good job of upping the stakes because hello, ...

Have I mentioned before that I love your prose? Because I love your prose. It’s got great forward momentum and you’ve got a real talent for brief, evocative snippets of ...

Hey there! So the first thing I want to ask is probably going to sound accusatory; it isn’t meant that way, I promise. Why does this prologue exist? It’s very ...

Hey there! So the first thing I noticed about this is that the first two sentences are basically repetitions of the exact same description. It actually made me check out ...