trackgal6

This is very good, the only thing I can think of is that in the end you say "I guess" 3 times, and it just seemed to stick out. This ...

I held the soda in my mouth, letting it's cold fizziness burn my mouth. Finally I had to swallow it. It hurt too much. I love this description, soda does ...

EDIT: Sorry-double post

Thanks for the tips! You're right about the 'Daddy' thing, I just completely overlooked it. :D I'll go make those changes now.

grew louder and louder until found herself screaming then she realized her bedroom no longer had furniture in i Either make this to sentences, or add a comma. The room ...

Here's as a short story. I changed the conflict a little because Jill has to be mad at Laurie, and this way Laurie doesn't sound so much like a slut. ...

Okay, I need help. Should I just change it to a short story? I think it would be so much easier. I want the story to be about Laurie, because ...

wow, thanks that was really helpful. I'm up to the challengeg! :D

This is very creative. It seems like a dream, with all the things happening, and then also tells you about her past. Very creepy. Quote: Her neck and a rope ...

Yeah its a diary. Glad you liked it. Thanks for the tips, I'll go back and add more detail! :D